Dylann Storm Roof
|Pleaded guilty in exchange for 9 life terms. His reasoning is he likes getting fucked in the ass in prison so he decided to stay Will he be played by Michael Clarke Duncan?|
|Dylann Storm Roof|
|Highscore||Killed 9, injured 1|
|Top 50?||No, is a notable loser at #97.|
|An Hero?||Sort of. Was allowed to conduct his own defense and openly and deliberately self-pwnt|
Dylann Storm Roof (also known as The Charleston Chimp Choking Champion) is a young, devout Christian manchild who decided to attend church one day in an ethnically diverse area of town. Unfortunately for Dylann, after attending just one hour of Bible study, he found himself surrounded by nine aggressive thugs, at which point he was left with no choice but to shoot his way out.
- 1 About Dylann
- 2 Theory on why he is a racist
- 3 Bowl-cut legislation
- 4 Race War One canceled
- 5 Failed an hero
- 6 That Fucking Flag
- 7 Soap Drop
- 8 Court Updates: December 2016
- 9 Quotes from the manifesto
- 10 Videos
- 11 Gallery
- 12 Graded Score
- 13 Known Aliases
- 14 Dylann and GamerGate
- 15 DOX
- 16 See also
- 17 External links
He used to be a backwoods youth who was under the radar of the Internet, a NORP, if you will. A 21 year old that could've lived the rest of his uneventful and sexless life being a normal guy whose only sins were being a GamerGate supporter and liking My Little Pony. Because he was from the South, he naturally suffered from hillbilly syndrome. Boredom or not, his record of delinquency grew during his early adulthood, from being caught with drugs while being dressed in all black, and getting banned from a mall, to miniscule things like asking weird shit about said mall's closing, how many people worked, etc. so he could likely go PAYDAY on its ass, and that he didn't ask for a job cause he was too normal and good for shopping malls. After many pathetic years of wallowing in his basement and being jobless, he got a gun for his 21st birthday and his mentality instantaneously worsened. Devolving deeper into the Bible Belt thought of hating everyone that wasn't as white as a congressman, he thought it was time to really put himself on the map, to stop being one of the billions of invisible NORPs on this big blue ball of death and to turn himself from normalfag to badass in a massive shootout after giving one last GG shoutout to his Failbook fans as he went on to start making the world a better place.
Too bad he got arrested half a day after his big move before he could become an hero to the cause. His skinny white ass can doubtlessly look forward to being culturally enriched by Tyrone in the prison showers, thanks to a florist ratting on him, unless he magically has a million dollar bond he can conjure from his ass at will.
Theory on why he is a racist
Dated a hottie in High School when out of no where a black man stole his girlfriend from him.
Could have been raped by a black man with a 9 inch cock. "Most likely happened"
Was bullied by his black class mates
Robbed by a black man "Confirmed"
This is the latest in a long string of high-profile shootings perpetrated by young, skinny, white men with bowl haircuts (see also: Adam Lanza), suggesting that the current administration take into consideration further legislation regulating the sale, transfer and ownership of bowl haircuts, and possibly increased background checks on bowl haircut owners. The issue has thus far received bi-partisan support. Dylann Roof was also a outspoken Hillary Clinton supporter.
Race War One canceled
It had been said that Roofie had this planned months in advance, but couldn't do it before because he couldn't just strangle or stab nine people as efficiently due to not putting all his points in stealth, and couldn't just buy a gun and ammo because he was a jobless basement dweller. His failure in crime friend ratted out to the cops that, like all hillbilly failures before Dylann, he came up with his truly brilliant plan while drunk and tipsy off his ass from vodka. The friend took the gun away, and if he just kept it, we probably wouldn't have a suspect to make an article on. But thanks to the Bible Belt's lack of common sense, he gave it back to Roof when he thought he was sober. Another friend of his heard otherwise, saying that Roofie said to "be careful with moving his backpack because of the 'magazines'".
Obama, in need of some form of sympathy from his nation, had also feigned tears to this spree while his drone attacks continue to bombard and pwn more poor Arabs and other minority races.
It apparently got so bad that Bush the Third, Jeb, didn't even want to go there anymore because of it, and cancelled any plans to go there for his campaign. Good thing too, because we expect Charleston to be the latest in its "Everything is Free" sale campaign any moment now.
Failed an hero
Dylann planned to go out with a bang like other skinny pale fags who came before him. That's why he was saving the last bullet for himself. However, being a product of the trailer park education system, Dylann could not count too good and he used up all his bullets trying to rack up an all-time best score. He put the gun to his head, said his goodbyes, pulled the trigger and ... click: the sound of failure, no more bullets. Thus, he has joined the esteemed group of failed an heros with years of buttrape ahead of him. Those years of asspain may not last long however, as King Nigger and his SJWs are seeking the death penalty on his scrawny, white ass.
That Fucking Flag
After failing to realize that they couldn't wage war against the white Christfag Conservative american majority, and profit off of another mass shooting, the Jews behind liberal media realized that they needed a distraction potentially relating to our hero, Dylann Roof. Seeing a Confederate flag wasn't half-mast as required by the Mourn the Niggers Act of 1997, old media and the left-wing civilians quickly parroted that a piece of cloth was somehow responsible for the shooting and called for banning it and anything featuring it, including movies & games about the Civil War.
Talk of the flag went viral, as newfags either JUST NOW realized that it was the symbol for a bunch of people that enjoyed putting porch monkeys in their place or otherwise had no problems with the idea of slavery unless the magical glowing talk-box tells them to be butthurt over it. In the end, nobody really wants to stop and realize how retarded banning a symbol is, because it wasn't featured in Wolfenstein and banned in Germany.
In early august of 2016, Dylann was just minding his business in the shower when a savage nigger named Bubba attempted to Surprise buttsecks him. Resisting the anal assault, Dylann found himself beaten up instead. This degenerate nigger, named Dwayne Stafford, is now a super-star to all Leftist faggots everywhere; people are even pledging to send the nig some money. It is expected that the man-hating faggot society that is America will collectively laugh at attempted rape. Some justice is being done (for once), as Dwayne is predicted to be charged with third-degree assault and battery. Only crime here is he did not go through with the rape.
Court Updates: December 2016
|Exhibits for: 2:15-cr-00472-RMG USA V Roof|
Some time near the end of 2016, Uncle Sam released information pertaining to Dylann's case. Juicy info was released to the public; the most notable facts; Dylann was FBI for about 2 hours on June 18th, hours after his attack. Viewers learned that he had a combination of a dumb hillbilly and stoned slacker surfer accent. He stated that he was too much of a pussy to an hero, and expressed that he was getting bored of killing, stating that it was lucky there weren't more niggers in that church. He laughed about his crimes, and heart-fully and joyously confessed to the sick deed. In that 2hr long interview, skip to 13:40 for extra lulz!by the
In his later court hearings, he expressed intent to represent himself- a move rarely taken by the defendants. Dylann was too much of a pussy to look his victims' surviving relatives and loved ones in the eyes- even that little punk bitch, TJ Lane was man enough to taunt and insult everyone before inevitably getting fucked up the ass by apes post-trial. Gruesome, brutal, horrifying crime scene evidence was shown to the court, prompting just revulsion. He also asked the jurors to consider his mental health in the case because psychology was a jewish invention; "It is a Jewish invention and does nothing but invent diseases and tell people they have problems when they don’t".
On January 10, 2017, Dylann Roof was sentenced to death.
LEAKED: Shooting Video
Quotes from the manifesto
|Accuracy:||18/20 "9 kills and only 1 injury" |
|Style:||15/20 Shooting up a nigger church after a dramatic speech.|
|Bonus:||20/20 Bonus for specifically killing niggers.|
|Total score: 81/100 (B)|
Like the devil, Dylann goes by many names. The following is but a short list of the various nicknames he's accrued among the Internet community:
- Dylann "Going Jack Reacher on a Black Preacher" Roof
- Dylann "Pacification of the Congregation" Roof
- Dylann "Send 'em to heaven with my 1911" Roof
- Dylann "Disaster for the Pastor" Roof
- Dylann "Shooting Jigaboos with .22's" Roof
- Dylann "Slave Master with a Blaster" Roof
- Dylann "Trainin' my gun on an African nun" Roof
- Dylann "Gettin' Bloody at Bible Study" Roof
- Dylann "Cappin' Your Ass in a Room with Stained Glass" Roof
- Dylann "You Loot? I Shoot" Roof
- Dylann "Calm before the Storm" Roof
- Dylann "Dindu Destroya" Roof
- Dylann "Not So Gentle Gentile" Roof
- Dylann "Power /pol/ack" Roof
- Dylann "Get off my Lawn" Roof
- Dylann "Not my women" Roof
- Dylann "Suboxone Surprise" Roof
- Dylann "If Your Pants Sag I Unload My Mag" Roof
- Dylann "Real Life COD in the House of God" Roof
- Dylann "Wrecking Coons in the Heat of June" Roof
- Dylann "Hostile Gospel" Roof
- Dylann "No More Truce When I Grab My Noose" Roof
- Dylann "No Lives to Spare after the Final Prayer" Roof
- Dylann "Time to Pray with the KKK" Roof
- Dylann "No More Moses, Time for Necrosis" Roof
- Dylann "Murder Mass Mass Murderer" Roof
- Dylann "Attack Every Black" Roof
- Dylann "Church Steeple Full Of Dead People" Roof
- Dylann "Fiddler on the" Roof
- Dylann "Pray and Spray" Roof
- Dylann "Lead Lined" Roof
- Dylann "Blast the reverend with my 1911" Roof
- Dylann "Leaving none alive with my .45" Roof
- Dylann "Crusade King" Roof
- Chillin Dylan: Society's penicillin?
- Dylann "Killing a spook like it's Sandy Hook" Roof
- Dylann "Make a Spark in the Dark" Roof
- Dylann "The Nig Killin" Roof
- Dylann "Pulls the Trigger on Every Nigger" Roof
- Dylann "Erasing Jive With His .45" Roof
- Dylann "Ape Assassinator" Roof
- Dylann "The Carolina Coon Crusher" Roof
- Dylann "The Altar Assaulter" Roof
- Dylann "The Thunder Downs Under" Roof
- Dylann "Going Rambo on every Sambo" Roof
- Dylann "If you aren't white, you're in my iron Sight" Roof
- Dylann "Killin picaninny's with nothing on my picatinny" Roof
- Dylann "My blaster sends them to thug mansion faster" Roof
- Dylann "Pull the trigger on every nigger" Roof
- Dylann "Pulling the ticket from every moon cricket" Roof
- Dylann "Killing without empirical proof" Roof
- Dylann "Giving flak to every black" Roof
- Dylann "The" Roof "is on fire, we don't need no water, let the motherfuckers burn"
- Dylann "This Storm Will Blow the Roof" Roof
- Dylann "Trigger Happy if You're Nappy" Roof
- Dylann "Shooteronomy 19:11" Roof
- Dylann "Pew-pew from a pew" Roof
- Dylann "In the Choir Loft with the Safety Off" Roof
- Dylann "I'm White If I Were Black I Would Die" Roof
Dylann and GamerGate
—Midsize Jake, 
Dylann was politically aligned with the hate group, #GamerGate. Whether their toxic influence encouraged this shooting, like so many violent video games before it, will never be known.
—Dylann, In his last Facebook post before killing innocent church-goers
—Dylann Storm Roof
—"Zyklon" Ben Garrison
DYLANN STORM ROOF Register Number: 28509-171 USP Terre Haute U.S. PENITENTIARY P.O. BOX 33 TERRE HAUTE, IN 47808 https://www.bop.gov/inmateloc/ https://www.bop.gov/locations/institutions/thp/
Send him some love letters, ladies!
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- His website.
Dylann Roof Official Fanclublol closed
- Dylann is why we can't have nice things
- Feminism causes spree killers.
- How to fail at becoming an hero.
- Black Website Does Exclusive Interview with Black Who Attacked Dylann Roof in the Shower
- Possible Maplestory player?
- Government Exhibit of Dylann Roof Case
|Dylann Storm Roof is part of a series on High Scores|
|Featured article June 20 and 21, 2015|
|Dylann Storm Roof||Succeeded by|
Fat People Hate
|Featured article January 13 & 14, 2017|
|Dylann Storm Roof||Succeeded by|