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A wax nose, a pair of sunglasses, and a santa beard: then the little fella's ready to hit the town![1]
A young man lecturing a dame on the dangers of disease.

Disease is, per the intarweb dicshunary: A pathological condition of a body part, an organ, or a system resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms. TL;DR, something invisible fucks up your body/mind, often leading to a disgusting and painful death. But really, what is disease? Why, is it one of the few sources of attention and pity in the quantities needed by attention whores to live. As a result of this, both IRL and internet attention whores are prone to feigning illness. Especially pretending to have illnesses and diseases that people around them have.

Thought Process

They see that their diseased friends get a lot of attention and pity, and when most of their self-loathing entries and threats of suicide start to get a response of TL;DR, they are prone to coming up with some disease, again commonly one someone on their friends list has (the really insane ones will all of a sudden claim to have multiple, conflicting diseases at the same time), and claiming that they have it. This will go on for several days.

The Lie Grows

MFW no-one on the internet claims to have my disease

Eventually they may claim to have seen a doctor who "informed" them that they had exactly what they'd been saying they had. They will act shocked and surprised. If this fails, they may escalate to self injury and more realistic threats of suicide. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, they actually mean it. If you're even luckier, there won't be any dipshits with internet crushes on them who feel the urge to reply to every one of their entries.

Around this period, expect friends of the disease whore in question to have conversations that consist of statements such as:

  • Her delusions are beginning to become the stuff of comedy gold.
  • This is the worst performance of MPD I've seen since Sybil.

The Symptoms of a Disease

  • Foul smelling blood
  • Tight throat
  • Double vision
  • Skin falling off
  • A persistent cough
  • Manic depression
  • Calcification of the extremities
  • Aversion to paper
  • Multicystic Retroperitonial Sacrococcygeous Embryo-Teratoma
  • Steven Spielberg

And Fades Away

Especially in the case of made-up diseases, attention whores tend to forget the lies they were telling for attention. A disease requires lots of Google to keep up with answering questions people may have, that's a lot of work. Invariably, though, there are enablers. Be prepared for fun and excitement!

Types of disease

Infectious i.e. not your fault

Sexually transmitted i.e. definitely your fault

  • AIDS
  • Gonorrhoea
  • Syphilis
  • Herpes
  • Genital Warts
  • Chlamydia

Non-infectious i.e. probably your fault

  • Cancer
  • Diabetus
  • Obesity
  • Organ failure (liver, heart attack etc)
  • Neurodegeneration (a.k.a. old people rotting from the inside out)

Birth/genetic i.e. your parents fault

  • Autism (disputed)
  • Down's Syndrome
  • Homosexuality
  • Progeria
  • Thalidomide
  • Allergies
  • Epilepsy

Common Diseases to Pretend to Have

Missing Penis Syndrome

Otherwise known as being a woman.

Common Diseases to Actually Have

See Also

External Links

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