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    Dead or Alive

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    File:Kasumiayane.jpg
    All 16-year-old girls typically have a 36" bust size, apparently.
    Dead or Alive is known for its gorgeous graphics
    The fans could not wait to test out the game's features.
    File:Hugetits.jpg
    A typical screenshot from DOA Beach Volleyball. This is pretty much the entire game.

    Dead or Alive is a fighting game series that understands typical video game players and thus focuses on a bunch of females who fight each other in martial arts battles only wearing thongs. Despite having a bunch of nubile whores bouncing around and making out, the games are terrible and testament to the idea that sex sells.

    Characters

    • Kasumi - The most hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 according to GameFAQs and IGN. Has the personality of a brick.
    • Ayane - 16-year-old girl second hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 She was abandoned as kid and thus the weeaboos who play these games think she is "deep".
    • Hayate - One of only two male characters in the game that aren't shit-tier fighters. A magnet for yaoi fangirls that ship him with Ryu.
    • Ryu Hayabusa - Yes, that Ryu Hayabusa from the Ninja Gaiden games. He can take out a city block by reciting poetry and can literally make Naruto fantards cry because he represents what it means to be a bad ass ninja. Seriously, this guy can kill 12 evil gods, destroy a small, first world country and kill countless, unnamed bad guys in the same amount of time that it takes Naruto and Sasuke to finish up one of their fan service fights to figure out who's going to be on top. If he was in Dragon Ball Z the series would be 3 episodes long.
    • Momiji - The super badass Ninja's apprentice. A favorite of the ED staff and many coins have been wasted trying to wish her real so they could motorboat her boobs for just five minutes.
    • Tina Armstrong - Slutty wrestler.
    • Bass Armstrong - Hulk Hogan knockoff.
    • Leifang - Catering to the foot fetish crowd and empowering girl gamers everywhere by making her reliant on some other chink named Jann Lee.
    • Bayman - 1. take russian bad guy from Call of Duty. 2. put him in this game 3. ???? 4. PROFIT!!
    • Jann Lee - Bruce Lee knockoff
    • Hitomi - The waifu of every non-ninjaboo DOA fan. At least she knows her place because her favorite hobbies are cooking and cleaning. She is part-German, part-Japanese.
    • Christie - Some super assassin who accomplishes her missions by dressing like a porn star and getting bukkaked.
    • Zack - Token nigger of the series. He bankrupted Las Vegas, bought his own island, and invites all the girls there so he can film them sleeping.
    • Leon - Leon from Leon the Professional.
    • Lisa - Nigger chick that not even the most hormone-addled 13-year-old boy would fap to because, you know, she's a nigress.
    • Helena - Queen of the world or some shit. Despite hating her daddy and his company, she inherits it and gets suicidal when it was destroyed by some ninjas riding rockets and fighting without bras.
    • Elliot - Androgynous twink who meets the requisite girlyboy requirement for a japanese game.
    • Gen-Fu - Obligatory creepy old Asian man. Also Elliot's mentor. He joined DOA to raise money for his granddaughter's operation, but now just fights for all the boobies.
    • Marie Rose - obligatory loli who is listed as 18 so Tecmo isn't accused of being pedophiles. They created her as a Swedish girl without secondary sex characteristics in spite of having the game banned there (see below). Popular with the pedos and the boys who are afraid of girls who look like girls. Voted by the ED staff as the character most likely to have her dick suddenly appear out of her ass if she's kicked hard enough.
    • Honoka - Another "18-year old" loli added because moeshit ruins everything.

    Games

    • Dead or Alive - Virtua Fighter ripoff. Nobody cares about this game, not even fanboys who have Kasumi as their waifu.
    • Dead or Alive 2 - The game that got Dead or Alive noticed for having girls with giant tits that bounce like water balloons.
    • Dead or Alive 3 - Itagaki trolled the weeaboos that loved DOA2 on the Dreamcast and PS2 by making DOA3 an XBox exclusive.
    • Dead or Alive 4 - Got more 13 year old boys fapping to the game by including a female SPARTAN from Halo.
    • Dead or Alive 5: Last Round - The incredibly shitty revival of Dead or Alive after its creator Tomonobu Itagaki got fired for raping female coworkers. Tecmo was envious of Capcom for shithousing its beloved franchies with DLC on disc and thus made over half of the game inaccessible unless you pay out over $300 on shitty bikinis for the females. Tecmo also acknowledged how much of a ripoff DOA is of Virtua Fighter by having VF characters appear as guest stars in the game. Due to the DOA series being well known for its innovative gameplay and deep, complex storyline, the PC version of the game received a fan patch the first day it came out.
    • Dimensions: Banned for Pedophilia - The newest game, Dead or Alive Dimensions has been banned in the once-Viking, now SJW, countries of Norway, Sweden, and Denmark because you can see up Japanese schoolgirls' skirts. OH NOES!!1 [1] Ironially, mud slimes are well known for being actual pedophiles in those countries, which ironically enough, is never prosecuted.
    • Xtreme Beach Volleyball - What do you get when you cross a shitty game about a boring sport with bad gameplay, crappy music, a hentai dating game, and 3D rendered boobs? One of the XBox's greatest hits. This steaming turd has gameplay so horrible that anybody except the sex-starved 13 year old boys who play this game would use the disc as a coaster. The Controls were actually designed as such that it could be played with one hand, allowing those who employed a bit of hormone-induced ingenuity to use their cock as a joy stick simultaneously. Unfortunately, the hand used to handle the controller is the right hand, as the game requires use of button mashing, meaning its demographic is once again made more exclusive by appealing mainly to the left handed. The game is quite popular among males. All they do is chose a character and masturbate. However, the cum sometimes shorts out the television screen. Its popularity was derivative of the fact that it has better graphics than real life and more boobs than Playboy. Also, it's the closest thing most of its players will get to boobs for a long, long time.

    The advent of DoA hentai/doujin has made this game utterly obsolete; that is, unless, like some virgins, the actual sight of graphic hand-drawn cocks in hand-drawn vagoo action is more than enough to make one queasy. Also, like any form of hentai, there is nothing to keep you from accidentally stumbling upon futanari, tentacle raep and shitting dick nipples.

    Dead or Alive Xtreme 3

    In 2015, the closeted pedophiles of Koei Tecmo announced the release of a new version of their masturbatory material and weeaboos around the globe rejoiced for such great news. Unfortunately for the ones who don't live in Moonspeak speaking countries, Tecmo was savy and decided to not to release a version for the USA and Europe, as they fear a twitter boycott Clusterfuck from Feminist Blue-haired hambeasts would arise if they do so.

    Soon the butthurt opportunists of gamergate with their usual cry of SJW STOLE MAI GAYMZ!!!11!! infested the social networks demanding their demands to be catered (just like the people they hate the most).



    Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.


    This fake outrage bandwagon got the attention of play-asia.com who decided it would be very lucrative to import the game if finally no official release will be issued. Within minutes of their announcement, Play-asia.com received several veiled threats against them from concerned people with women's representation in Videogames, which prompted a ridiculous twitter exchange so unfunny that make a ghetto "Yo mama" nigger contest, looks like the fucking debate between Robert Hooke and Isaac Newton.

    No gaimu for you, Baka Feminist Gaijin!
    For some shekels we keep your fap stash updated!
    DoA - Mike Drucker Baw.png
    "ArchiveToday-favicon.pngNo Fun Allowed" by a SJW nobody who writes for the Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show.
    As a marginalized woman by the patriarchal capitalist system,
    I will use my powerful connections with the industry to get your business closed.
    Jim Sterling of Destructoid doing what he knows best: Blaming it on Gamergate.
    DoA-Disgruntled SJW 01.png
    I'm going to boycott this site that is the first time I heard of.
    Yes I fight for Social Justice. No I don't give you consent to call me a Social Justice Warrior!

    Previous Image  |  Next Image


    The exposure SJW's give to PlayAsia.com with their lame attempts to boycott the import of the game result in them having more than 50% new followers and ArchiveToday-favicon.pngbreaking their sales record worldwide. Even other game enterprises offered Koei Tecmo millions of dollars for exclusive distribution rights. Unfortunately for Koei Tecmo, who despite having the game sold out in Japan, they have no Hideki Kamiya to defend it from the stupidities of over-sheltered hipsters obsessed with 3rd wave feminism and identity politics. So the best way for them to respond to this waste of time was to surrender peacefully to the evil forces of The Woman.

    DoA-KoeiTecmo Surrenders.jpg
    The Samurai fear the SJW
    Do you want some salt with it?
    DoA - PlayAsia Anime Smug Face 01.png
    yes, this is
    At least you tried. Have a nice day!
    DoAX3 - Beach Body Ready.jpg
    DoAX3 - SJW BTFO.png
    PlayAsia - April Fools Prank.jpg

    Previous Image  |  Next Image

    Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 for Playstation VR

       
     
    やだ! ダメ! きゃああああああ!!!
     

     
     

    —Kasumi, Excerpt from her new, deep and complex dialogue for DOAX3 VR


    >tfw no gf


    Now that apparently Virtual Reality is a thing, the Asian Jews of Koei Tecmo finally were capable to merge three official pastimes of Japanese Men within the new iteration of DOAX3: Not leaving the house, obsessing with female fictional characters and harassing women. Kissless Virgins and Incels were delighted because finally they don't have to deal with the burden of trying to ask roasties out on a date anymore.

    Despite this update is not going to be officially released in the Western World, that didn't stop hack "journalists" from clickbait sites from writing their fake outrage articles about women objectification and how everybody who wants the game is a loser who hates women and will never get laid.


    Not this shit again! About missing Pics
    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

    Expect Play-asia.com to import the game, more clickbait outrage, more youtube reaction videos, rinse and repeat, you know the drill.

    Sekrit Codes

    Want to see all the softcore cut-scenes and bikini outfits without having to play the crappy game? Type these words into YouTube or Google:

    Dead or Alive Xtreme

    In minutes you'll be jerking off to either videos from the game or the hentai you found instead.

    TL;DR

    There. We saved you 60 bucks.
    Don't worry, She's 18! (^_-)-☆

    See also

    External Links


    Portal games.png

    Dead or Alive is part of a series on

    Gaming

    Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

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    Dead or Alive is part of a series on

    Anime

    Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

    Portal icon - social justice.gif

    Dead or Alive is part of a series on

    Social Justice

    Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

    Featured article April 2 & April 3, 2016
    Preceded by
    Alison Rapp
    Dead or Alive Succeeded by
    Rosa Parks