⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️
There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.
Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically) Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
.onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)
Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.
If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.
You can also email me via [email protected]
Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.
Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
WHY IS THERE NOT A SHOOP OF THE GOOSEBUMPS VENTROLIQUIST DUMMY ON HERE?! I DEMAND TO KNOW!!!
David Slappy Miscavige Miscarriage (born Jakob Greenberg) is the leader of the Scientology organized crime syndicate. He took this position at the age of 26 in 1986, when L. Ron Hubbard accidentally died during a sexual role-playing game they were playing together. Miscarriage insisted that in his dying words, "LRH" had anointed him Scientology's new leader. David Miscarriage is infused with the same batshit insane ideology as Hubbard, but unfortunately lacks any of the krazie-smarts that lay behind those ravings.
In February 2008, in the early days of Project Chanology, Miscarriage's niece Jenna "came out" to announce that Scientology is made for retards. Miscarriage was reported to be furious but embarrassed.
Miscavige Singing - Lulzy Video
Why should I care about this faggot anyway?
Researchers are also very interested in Miscarriage because:
- He is believed to actually be a gnome, or maybe some sort of pygmy.
- He has enough mental problems to keep our Psych overlords in business for the next 9,001 years
- He is believed to be the densest object known to man, and scientists are still trying to figure out how such a small body could contain so much fucktardedness
- Should Tom Cruise ever contract AIDS from the $17 transsexual hooker-bots he pays for sex and kick the bucket, a sex starved David Miscarriage would almost certainly give Pedobear a run for the money.
- He is a squirrel, he alters the "tech" and changes things around to whatever he seems fit
Miscarriage is also a danger to the entire planet - its inferiority complex is so massive it may well collapse into a black hole and devour us all. Various reasons have been given for this, including, but not limited to:
- Though Miscarriage is the beloved leader of a world wide cult, he will never be its messiah as L. Ron Hubbard was.
- His inferiority complex has its own inferiority complex.
- He has an inferiority complex about other people having more inferiority than he.
- He has an inferiority complex about having an inferiority complex.
- It is embarrassing to have to buy your clothes at Gap Kids when you're almost 50.
The Birth of a Scilon
Dave Miscarriage (known as DM to the drooling Scifag masses) was born into an ultra-orthodox Hasidic Jewish family, but became a Scientologist in the early 1970s. Turns out DM had a lot of problems when he was a kid: namely allergies and a propensity to take dick in the ass. This resulted in a stunting of his growth and he never grew taller than 4ft 6. He was a total, utter failure at school because of this. However, Scientology offered a solution: not only would they cure his allergies but they would also make him rich and beautiful without needing to be intelligent in the least. DM took to the religion like a slut to a cock, and the Miscarriage family moved to Scifag HQ in England. DM was listed as a CIA source, but that was very soon covered up and denied.
Young David quickly made friends with L. Ron Hubbard. DM joined the elite SeaOrg, meaning that the teenage DM spent months at sea with L. Ron wearing a sailor's outfit. DM was part of the even-more-elite-than-the-SeaOrg Commodore's Messenger Organization, serving as L. Ron's cameraman. Young DM became L. Ron's right hand man and perpetual slave to Hubbard's undying cock.
DM vs. Mary Sue
In the 1980s, Scientology was enduring a crisis. L. Ron was far too fucked up to run the organization effectively, meaning that his wife Mary Sue was the de facto ruler. There was a problem though: in 1979 the party van had rolled deep on Mary Sue and other top-ranking Scifags in Operation Snow White. DM faced a dilemma: should he stay in the background and be happy as L. Ron's receiver or should he try to wrestle power away from the Suethor? For obvious reasons he chose the latter.
Somehow, DM managed to topple the beast. He then struck Mary Sue's name from all Scientology references that she helped co-author and "disconnected" her from the Co$. L. Ron - apparently too tired from fucking little boys to notice - didn't lift a finger to spare his wife.
DM now stood to inherit the Scientology fortunes. By 1982 DM owned all the copyrights to Scientology's main scriptures. He instituted new draconian rules regarding copyright claims on new Scientology materials. By the mid-1980s DM was the god-king of the Co$, a position guaranteed by the fact that by this point L. Ron was too fucked up to make it out of bed in the morning.
- Accusing the Psychs of murdering a leading Scifag.
- Saying a German medical school spearheaded the Holocaust thusly:
- Ignoring the fact that the school didn't exist until 1966.
- Fighting to keep L. Ron's works out of the public domain because he can pretty much print money as long as he can charge for them.
- Sucking Tom Cruise's cock.
- Telling Ted Koppel that that the American government wanted to send all insane Americans to the Alaskan wilderness.
- Being married since 1981 but not having a single child with his wife.
- Thinking that Anonymous are the tip of an invasion force of the evil Psychlos.
How To Troll
DM is a micromanaging fuckwit who is concerned about his public image. All Scientologists who work on staff (from the friendly stat-hungry robots at your local org to the recently re-incarnated Footbullet Man) are required to write a Knowledge Report (KR) on anything negative they see about him. He demands to know whenever he is mentioned anywhere.
Trolling him is simple and effective: call him out by name and title (so there's no doubt its him), insult him (pointing out his height and asthma are pluses), then carry on with your day. Keep it simple: he hasn't even graduated high school, so that's the intellectual level we're dealing with here.
That's all it takes. That alone will make him sacrifice 20 Sea Org members to the flea pond. Every negative thing about him on ED, e/b/aums, and jewtube has been seen by him personally, and each makes him rage more than the last.
Hi Davey. Thanks for visiting. Kiss kiss.
DM's CoS executive underlings that know exactly what he is capable of, are SO AFRAID of him, that when he gives speeches in front of scientologists, nobody wants to be the first to stop clapping for him in fear of what might happen to the physical safety of them, and/or their families. Clapping goes on for hours until someone rings a bell for it to stop.
- David miscavige reality.png
- David miscavige hero.jpg
- Miscavige blockatiel.jpg
goodnessXenu for the Blockatiel!
- David Miscavige - A box srsly.png
Miscavige has to stand on a box when being photographed with other scifags.
- David Miscavige - Anonymous is after me Tom.png
DM asking Tom Cruise to protect him from the hackers on steroids group; anonymous.
- David Miscavige - Arrested.png
DM arrested, probably for sexually assaulting niece Jenna Miscavige
- David Miscavige - Fuck you ceiling cat.png
DM blaspheming against ceiling cat.
- David Miscavige - Ish Dat Bwaddle Towds!.png
Upon seeing someone playing Battletoads, DMs facial features are enlarged.
- David Miscavige - curious.png
Davey is a curious gorilla.
- David Miscavige - Gay lovers.png
Davey asking Tom to pinch his ass.
- David Miscavige - Girls night out.png
DM and TC on a girls night out.
- David Miscavige - Hobo Miscavige.png
Davey as a bum after being refused change.
- David Miscavige - Scijoke.png
Davey making a sci joke while flashing all the money he has stolen from Scientology.
- David Miscavige - Leave Tom Cruise alone.png
DM trying to get people to leave his bf alone.
- David Miscavige - locked up.png
Davey locked up for sexual assault
- David Miscavige - Narcanon doesn't work.png
After a 75 million year heroin binge.
- David Miscavige - No U.png
Davey mid argument.
- David Miscavige - OT powaz don't work.png
Davey showing the bullies at school his OT powers.
- David Miscavige - Radio Miscavige.png
DM talking at his radio show "Radio Miscavige".
- David Miscavige - Scientology makes you do crazy shit.png
On one of his crazy nights out, Davey discovers scientology makes you do CRAZY shit.
- David Miscavige - Sex face three.png
Davey not mad.
- David Miscavige - Small Monkey.png
DM as a small monkey.
- David Miscavige - squirreled the tech.png
DM the squirreler.
- David Miscavige - With letterman.png
David Letterman trying to rip off DM's legs.
- TC DM BJ.gif
TC giving DM a BJ
David Miscarriage is part of a series on
Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.