Several things are still being worked on behind the scenes, news about it coming soon
For spam reasons: email [email protected] after account creation to ask for editing approval.


Main PageRandom

Ian David Long

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from David Long)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Budd Dwyer.gif
Lose an iPod?

This page contains an hero.
David long.png
Ian David Long
Born March 27, 1990
Nationality: Americunt  MiniflagUSA.png
Highscore 12 killed, 11 injured (1 by gunfire)
Top 50? No
Style FPS, singleplayer
An Hero? Yes
Motive PTSD, general boredom

Corporal Ian David Long was an IRL Call of Duty veteran and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting High Score Championship. He is also living proof that even being in the US Marines is no cure for being a manlet. After returning to the US from life in Afghanistan, David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'Murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by killing Afghan farmers and raeping their goats, Long went into a deep depression.

On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of California's culture of faggotry and race-mixing. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting niggers), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and gave himself unto the Lord. He is now in heaven, shooting sandniggers with a machine gun.

Military Career

Long was rare among shooters in that he had lengthy previous experience in pwning n00bs overseas before attempting to score high back in his own country. Long was in the US Marines, and was involved in their extensive sandnigger-hunting campaign in Afghanistan. Although Long never shot Osama bin Laden, he did kill many hundreds of random people with a machine gun, so many that he received medals for his 1337 machine gunning skills. Why this retard didn't choose the machine gun as his weapon of choice during his bid for the high score is anyone's guess, but theories suggest he was too poor to buy a machine gun, and so a cliché-as-fuck Glock was the cunt's only option.

During his time as a Marine, either prior to or during his tour of Afghanistan, David Long was called ghey by a kid on Call of Duty: World at War. His response became rather well-known:

   
 
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the US Marine Corps, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
 

 
 

Return to America

After a multi-year spray and pray campaign in Afghanistan, David Long was discharged from the Marines. He then went to live in the best possible place for a patriotic, God-fearing, Bible-raping American veteran: Thousand Oaks, California. The degeneracy he witnessed here, combined with the fact that he couldn't get any woman because he was a cryptofag, led him to carry out the mass shooting. Like most sensible people, Long despised country music, and was forced to suffer as his favorite bar was turned into a venue for this revolting redneck garbage. In 2017, our hero witnessed the legendary Las Vegas shooting by Stephen Paddock, who solved his problem with country music by taking down a total of 58 mealy-mouthed, insipid, shit-kicking degenerates with multiple assault rifles. This inspired Long, who dreamed of becoming a legendary mass shooter himself one day.

The Shooting

On November 7, 2018, David Long bought a handgun and an extended magazine. He then went to the country music-playing bar and blew off 12 heads, including a police officer's, within about a minute. When he realized he was running out of ammo, Long became an hero. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Pistol
Pistol.jpg
  • Just one pistol for a handgun-only match.
  • Perk 1: Marine Corps
Wanted5nationalguard.png
  • Good accuracy, superior shooter to cops.
  • Perk 2: Regular Bar Visitor
ThreeRums.jpg
  • Reduces enemy awareness/alarm/suspicion.
  • Perk 3: Extended Mag
Cokeman03.gif
  • Surprises enemies with extended firepower.
  • Spell: Tradition
ChampionOfNewVegas.jpg
  • Good for trolling country music fans and other degenerates, extra butthurt for liberals, third 10+ mass shooting in the US in 2018, second mass shooting in the US targeting country faggots.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 12/20 (11 injuries) Deadliest by military personnel since Nidal Hasan.
Accuracy: 8/20 According to accurate news, he fired 30 rounds and killed 12 people, not including himself. That is a 40% (8/20) accuracy rate. Pretty shit for a US Marine.
Style: 12/20 Points for using handgun-only mode and targeting a country music bar, thus turning Stephen Paddock's legacy into a tradition
Butthurt: 15/20 Points lost for not targeting a specific racial demographic or fags. Points gained for doing it in a shitlib state.
Bonus: 16/20 An hero, cop wasted.
Total Score: 63/100 (D)
Country roads... Take me home... California...
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png

___________________

Wanted3fbi.png


Federal Bureau of Investigation


See Also

Jailsuicide.gif
Ian David Long
is part of a series on
An Heroes

[iPodXbox]

Budd Dwyer.gif
Failures

Crystal ShinkleDylann Storm RoofJeffree MoonLolo FerrariOperation YewtubeOwen WilsonPogoRooRex FowlerSirtom93The Great Sonic-cide of 2007Toaster SteveTumbles the Stairdragon

Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAcidChanAdam LanzaAdolf HitlerAlan TuringAmanda ToddAn HaloStephanie Michelle BrownAndrew KoenigAsa CoonBob8466Brandon CrispBrigit Lorena GonzalezBroady Paul LedetBruce "Satan Claus" PardoBudd DwyerCandyjunkieCharles BishopCharmaine DragunChris BenoitChris DornerChristine ChubbuckChristopher FosterCho Seung-HuiCodey PorterDavid RitchesonDennis AvnerDustin MichaelsDylan KleboldEmma JonesEric HarrisGeorge SodiniGizgizHannah BondHeath LedgerHunter S. ThompsonImma-The-DeerJake RobertsJames LeshkevichJarrad WillisJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJenny GrantJiverly VoongJodie Gater and Stephanie GestierJoe StackJonathan Kendrick LewisJustin-anonKate SpadeKevin Neil WhitrickMarvin HeemeyerKimveer GillKlerckKurt CobainLeelah AlcornLil PeepLivecorpseMatthias SchoormannMario FerreyraMegan MeierMercedes HerreraMichael RyanMitchell HendersonMr. HandsMatti SaariJosh BallardNghtmrchld26Otoya YamaguchiPaula GoodspeedPekka-Eric AuvinenPhilip MarkoffPhoebe ConnopQuentin HubbardRachele RuddRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRichard JeniRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickSadie DavilaSam LeesonSebastian BosseShane HalliganShaun DykesShawn WoolleyShayStephen KazmierczakStephen HuffSteve StephensStiletto oneTang YongmingTatiana the TigerThe An Heroes of BridgendTim KretschmerTiziana CantoneTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler ClementiTyler DumstorfTyler PetersonVester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan IIXallyfacex

Related Pages

90 Day JaneAn hero dayask.fmAutoerotic asphyxiationColumbineGolden iPodHeaven's GateHigh ScoreHow to become an heroMydeathspacePseudocideShotgun mouthwashSuicideThreatening suicideVirginia Tech massacreWaco


HighScoreLeft.png
Ian David Long is part of a series on HSTButton.png
[Game Over][Insert Coin]
HighScoreRight.png
Ranked Mode (Single Player)

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCharles Whitman's TumorCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyFort HoodJack Gilbert GrahamJames HubertyJeffrey DahmerLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSagamihara StabbingsShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWoo Bum-kon

Casual Mode (Single Player)

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAli David SonbolyAnton Lundin PetterssonAurora Theatre ShootingBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles BishopChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Sniper AttacksDavid KatzDavid Malcolm GrayDavid LongDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriJames Alex FieldsJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LepineMark BartonMark EssexMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzPekka-Eric AuvinenPennsylvania School StabbingRamadan Van ManRandy StairRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSantino William LeganSayfullo SaipovSaint Petersburg Metro bombingThe Twinkie ManThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTJ LaneTrystan Andrew TerrellUnabomberWade Michael PageZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Co-Operative Mode

1-14 Jakarta AttacksBoston Marathon BombingCharlie HebdoColumbineHiroshima and NagasakiJews did WTCPearl HarborSan Bernardino shootingSandniggers in ParisSri Lanka Easter BombingsTimothy McVeigh

Sid Meier's Civilization

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

Asa CoonBilly MitchellBrian Isaack ClydeJohn EarnestLogan ClarkNasim AghdamSam HydeSol PaisTodd RogersWilliam Atchison

 
[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Ian David Long is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 David Long 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

Featured article November 24 & 25, 2018
Preceded by
JoeyPknowsalotaboutthat
Ian David Long Succeeded by
ThotAudit