Ian David Long
|Ian David Long|
|Born||March 27, 1990|
|Highscore||12 killed, 11 injured (1 by gunfire)|
|Motive||PTSD, general boredom|
Corporal Ian David Long✡ was an IRL Call of Duty veteran and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting High Score Championship. He is also
living proof that even being in the US Marines is no cure for being a manlet. After returning to the US from life in Afghanistan, David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'Murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by killing Afghan farmers and raeping their goats, Long went into a deep depression.
On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of California's culture of faggotry and race-mixing. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting niggers), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and gave himself unto the Lord. He is now in heaven, shooting sandniggers with a machine gun.
Long was rare among shooters in that he had lengthy previous experience in pwning n00bs overseas before attempting to score high back in his own country. Long was in the US Marines, and was involved in their extensive sandnigger-hunting campaign in Afghanistan. Although Long never shot Osama bin Laden, he did kill
many hundreds of random people with a machine gun, so many that he received medals for his 1337 machine gunning skills. Why this retard didn't choose the machine gun as his weapon of choice during his bid for the high score is anyone's guess, but theories suggest he was too poor to buy a machine gun, and so a cliché-as-fuck Glock was the cunt's only option.
During his time as a Marine, either prior to or during his tour of Afghanistan, David Long was called ghey by a kid on Call of Duty: World at War. His response became rather well-known:
Return to America
After a multi-year spray and pray campaign in Afghanistan, David Long was discharged from the Marines. He then went to live in the best possible place for a patriotic, God-fearing, Bible-raping American veteran: Thousand Oaks, California. The degeneracy he witnessed here, combined with the fact that he couldn't get any woman because he was a cryptofag, led him to carry out the mass shooting. Like most sensible people, Long despised country music, and was forced to suffer as his favorite bar was turned into a venue for this revolting redneck garbage. In 2017, our hero witnessed the legendary Las Vegas shooting by Stephen Paddock, who solved his problem with country music by taking down a total of 58 mealy-mouthed, insipid, shit-kicking degenerates with multiple assault rifles. This inspired Long, who dreamed of becoming a legendary mass shooter himself one day.
On November 7, 2018, David Long bought a handgun and an extended magazine. He then went to the country music-playing bar and blew off 12 heads, including a police officer's, within about a minute. When he realized he was running out of ammo, Long became an hero. Goodnight, sweet prince.
|Kill count:||12/20 (11 injuries) Deadliest by military personnel since Nidal Hasan.|
|Accuracy:||8/20 According to accurate news, he fired 30 rounds and killed 12 people, not including himself. That is a 40% (8/20) accuracy rate. Pretty shit for a US Marine.|
|Style:||12/20 Points for using handgun-only mode and targeting a country music bar, thus turning Stephen Paddock's legacy into a tradition|
|Butthurt:||15/20 Points lost for not targeting a specific racial demographic or fags. Points gained for doing it in a shitlib state.|
|Bonus:||16/20 An hero, cop wasted.|
|Total Score: 63/100 (D)|
- Robert Gregory Bowers - The second 10+ US mass shooter of 2018.
- Nikolas Cruz - The first 10+ US mass shooter of 2018.
- Stephen Paddock - Also hated country music.
- Fort Hood
- Omar Mateen
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Mass Shooting
- Gun Control
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