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This article contains some fucked up pictures. Deal with it.
Crap or "brown gold" can either be used literally when talking about fæces or figuratively to describe something as being of fucktard quality. Some argue that crap is sexually arousing, but they are mistaken. Crap also passes for any article found in Uncyclopedia. Not to be confused with crapp.
- 1 Ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang
- 2 Funny crap
- 3 Uses
- 4 Types of Crap
- 5 Scat
- 6 Crap as a Drug
- 7 Variations of Crap
- 8 Other Noteworthy Crap
- 9 Buttsecks Fail
- 10 Gallery of Crap
- 11 See Also
- 12 External Links
Ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang
The word crap is the retarded sibling of shit which is much more offensive and entertaining. If wanting to pwn someone or incite funny internet drama, thus increasing the lulz, don’t use this word, you’ll just make a dickhead of yourself.
- Holy crap!
- Hey, you stepped in some crap.
- I ain't puttin' up with your crap.
- Bullcrap! (Used in objection.)
- This is a crap movie
Scene from the movie: "Me and You and Everyone We Know", in this amazing scene a underage sea nigger meets a older white female online and engages in cyber scat sex. The young sea nigger boy then meets the older white female in a park an shares a kiss.
Literal crap can be located in a toilet, up your nose or on your mother's chest. It is made when your body rejects the disgusting junk you ate which probably includes cum as you are a filthy, dirty whore. It usually comes in solid form but is known to liquefy if your stomach has a moment of clarity where it realises just how pathetic a loser you are and decides to make you constantly shit yourself in front of everyone. It smells terrible so if you plan to put it in someone’s food you’ll need to disguise this.
The toilet is generally regarded as the best place to crap but other options include on a lawn, on a car, in someone's mouth, or Gaiaonline. These options are even more fun if you don’t have permission to do them but will need planning to avoid inevitable prison where you will be gang raped by Bubba, making Goatse look like a virgin.
It has been common knowledge that if you shove food up your ass you will crap out your mouth. This is in fact a healthier crapping option and is recommended based on extensive research done on an episode of South Park.
The Upper Decker: The act of defecating in the upper tank of the toilet. When the next poor unsuspecting person flushes the toilet they get a bowl of beef stew or a top tank clogged with a log. The Upper Decker is a weapon of terror and should only be used on people who deserve it. Below are step by step instructions:
- Turn on the sink if possible to help mask the sounds of the dirty deed.
- Stealthily remove the lid from the back tank of the toilet.
- Stand on the toilet seat and steady your cheeks directly above the back tank.
- Begin defecating while trying to keep as quiet as possible.
- When finished wipe all remaining fecal spatter from your anus and hide the used toilet paper. Between the pages of a magazine or under the bathroom sink is a good hiding place. (or just leave it in the top tank.)
- Quietly replace the lid to the back tank of the toilet.
- Casually exit the bathroom and perhaps even the premises.
PROTIP: For extra points and many lulz, remove the chain from the flush handle so they have to reach into the shit-water to get the toilet to work.
Types of Crap
Excerpt from My Studies on Crap.
This is usually the first crap that comes out of your rectum. It is hard, yet supple, and has a nice texture and consistency. Unless you're constipated, this crap feels lovely when it slowly leaves your bowels. Usually, the color is a nice dark brown. And, if you haven't had enough fiber in the day, there should be some chunks of last night's tuna or cabbage floating around"—Coloring with Nelson
HOLY SHIT! MOAR POOP!
Stolen from a website that refers to shit as "poop":
[Clean it up] [What is this shit?] 0
The Many Colors of Crap
Crap is usually a dark shade of brown. However, not unliek the Gay hanky code, the same shit can come in many different colors:
Red: Too much beets. Or it could be the result of surprise buttsecks.
Orange: You're a druggie who steals ur mom's meds.
Black: A lot of white girls have something black in their arseholes. This is not unusual.
Blue-green: You've eaten food with too much food coloring, such as Fruit Gushers. Go ahead. Eat 3 bags and see what happens. Hint? Lulz.
Greyish-Green: You have a cold. Not uncommom for babies. But it eventually gets awwright!
Yellow: You have a disease. You're going to inevitably shit yourself to death. It means you have too much fat in your poop and you're not absorbing any nutrients.
Purple: What the Fuck???
That's not shit, faggot. You can get white shit from eating sufficient amounts of white chocolate, it is literally the funniest shit you've ever seen. It could also mean she sucked your dick "till da shit turn white" (Colt 45). Or it could mean you have renal failure and need to get your ass to the emergency room NAO.
The Scat fetish involves anything involving crap remotely sex related.
In the video below scat queen Veronica Moser discusses the German scat porn industry in vivid detail.
- Cleveland steamer: the person craps on another person's chest. So called because of the many shit-colored people that inhabit Cleveland.
- Dirty Sanchez: smearing crap underneath a person's nose to make it look liek a mustache.
- Chili Dog: shit on her chest, then fuck her shitty tits.
- Hot Carl: wrapping someone's face with Saran wrap and shitting on it, letting them feel the warmth.
- Rusty Trombone: fuck someone's ass, then they suck the chunks off your dick. Also know as a Fudgesicle if you do it when they have the runs.
- The Brownpill: A radical new paradigm.
- Go on. Click. You're a sick fuck and you want it.
- Wife walks free after feeding husband feces-laced meal.
- Hot chicks do their best, it's unladylike.
- Online humiliation with scat
- Amateur webcam scat videos.
- Motherless is also overstocked with all the scat you could ever want.
Crap as a Drug
Discovered in Africa there is a new drug on the streets that is made from fermented sewage called Jenkem. Jenkem is huffed giving you an intense high and hallucinations. Used by poor people and totse members.
Variations of Crap
- Google Chrome
- Steve Jobs
Other Noteworthy Crap
The following is a story about failed buttsecks. It's pretty goddamn funny, but very gross. Then again, what on this page isn't?
Gallery of Crap
- Shit Of course
- When is it crap?
- Dianne Thorley
- Upper Decker
- Shay When crap goes wrong. So very, very wrong.
- 2 Girls 1 Cup
- Dorian Thorn
- Mung (no, not the blue guy from Chowder)
- China: Where poorly made crap is made.
- Germany: Where crap is eaten as food.
- Haribo® Sugarless Gummy Bears
- Parakeet: A bird that refuses to eat my diarrhea
- Linkin Park
- Sittin On Tha Toilet: One of the "funniest" and most popular Youtube potty humor memes ever!
- Epic Toilet Story
- Bob Rehahn
- Nick Bate
- Fight upperdecking!
- Crap Information
- Dorian Thorn grows a brown tail
- Includes a handy guide on how to take a dump at work
- rate my poo
- Poop War Stories
- John Larkin singing about his like for scat and how it changed his life
- Send a gift to your girlfriend
Crap is part of a series on
Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article November 28, 2006|