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Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
Cosplay is an abbreviated term which stands for "GAY". As a hobby it was first promulgated by the Japanese, who would dress up like certain anime, manga, or video game characters. Eventually this habit crossed the Pacific to the United States, where it was adopted by fat basement-dwelling individuals, pedophiles, nerds, and sixteen year-old fangirls.
"Cosplayers", as members of the subculture call themselves, are all rabid attention whores who spend countless hours crafting their outfits for the express purpose of winning meaningless awards (read: attention) at sundry conventions. Many cosplayers are also camwhores who post a seemingly endless amount of photographs of themselves on LiveJournal, or else on their personal blogs or websites. Note: cosplayers (more so the girls) are HUGE drama whores.
Furries & cosplayers
Though frequently confused with furries, cosplayers adamantly maintain that the two share nothing in common. In this opinion, they are of course, entirely wrong. The two groups are only disassociated by the fact that furries emulate animals, whereas cosplayers emulate cartoon or video game characters.
Much like furries, cosplayers suffer from identity issues, in that they seek to escape the burden of their real-world personas by becoming something much cooler....fursonas... Similarly cosplayers will in the same disgusting manner as furries, often fuck one another while wearing their absurd costumes. Members of both subcultures spend an inordinate amount of time involved in their "hobby," furthermore, including attending conventions and spending money on subculture-specific paraphernalia.
Women of Cosplay
In research proven almost 100 years ago, cosplay is done 95% of the time by the planet's palest, most mouselike, most unbangable girls you went to high school with. These girls are easily spotted by the lack of fucking color to their skin (lol albino basement dwellers), nappy unkempt hair (unless it's under a wig), and the inability to put on a decent coat of foundation or eye liner.......yet somehow sew some elaborate larping costume to parade in. Many cosplayers use these unfortunate physical traits to their advantage by playing L from Death Note in a shameless effort to get other weeaboos to hug and/or fuck them.
The reason these girls cosplay is because it's the only time of their lives that they can get their snatch off at being gawked at by men. Most weeaboo males are so full of fetish they will completely ignore the granny-panty wearing, hairy upper lip, plain jane under the sailor uniform just so long as they can rub balls up against her sweet fuku.
The minute percentage of cosplay females that are fuckable to any reasonable extent instantly become giant fucking cunts with overinflated egos since they are the only decent lay in a field of pasty legs and saggy breasts. Sadly the queen cunts tend to forget that outside the cons and DA, no decent looking normal guy wants to fuck someone who's that much of a bitch (at least not more than once).
The men of cosplay are a little less plentiful and bitchy, but just as pathetic. Men usually cosplay to desperately get ass from girls who want to fuck the character, since like the females, these men are sex deprived and wallflowers who can only get hugs and female contact when they have on the spiky anime wig. Men also cosplay because they enjoy pretending that they are a fucking hero (always from a Final Fantasy game), and not in fact a part-time employee at the local Sam Goodie.
The alarming number of neko fags among men had risen with the current cable anime epidemic. Even weaboo males that don't cosplay will still slap on cat ears, tail and even a fucking pet collar while they munch on Pocky and scratch the acne on their ass.
The most freighting of all is the growing number of straight men that will put on sailor uniforms or cosplay as female anime characters. Understandably, fags do it because they are fags. Sickeningly, straight guys do it because they are such desperate attention whores and are so hungry for sex they don't care who or what fucks them.
Due to the rise in men who will do faggotry stuff , woman will be turned-off so bad they will start making out with the "straight" chicks that cosplay as male characters, and finally... HUMAN KIND WILL CEASE TO REPRODUCE AND DIE. FUCKING DIE OUT. THANKS MALE NEKO ANIME FAGS!!!!!!
Truth is, it doesn't matter what sub genre of cosplay one gazes upon, it all begs the question "why has god forsaken us all??"
The case of Japan vs America with males is different
Male Cosplay Consists Entirely Of
- Wannabe heroes (99% cosplay as Inuyasha, Naruto, Cloud, Squall, or Vash)
- Guys that are fucking ugly and do it for attention (Cloud, Sasuke, and Gaara cosplay usually)
- Fags that dress up like female characters (ones that really try tend to look better than the real girls)
- Weaboo Fags that just put on a skirt and cat ears, but don't shave or put on a wig
- Wearing a faux Naruto headband only.
Nigras and Cosplay
Since the Japanese are profoundly racist and don't usually associate anime with niggers, very few anime characters are black. Any time one tries to cosplay as a creamy Asian character, the results are lulz worthy. In Florida there is a cosplayer known as Black Vincent known for cosplaying Vincent Valentine he get picked on all the time for being black and trying to cosplay Vincent.
When walking around in costume does not get the cosplay weaboos rocks or taco off enough, they give a go at performing on stage for the whole con to see. Since anime fans lack any real skill in anything (dancing, singing, acting, choreography), it becomes a massive fail that the whole room is subject to watch for normally 2-7 painful minutes. 99% of these skits are bad, they they are not even funny to laugh at. Notice the cold silence after every "joke." If you are unfortunate enough to have to sit through a particularly fail performance, make sure you yell "tits or GTFO" and other choice quotes at them, the audience will appreciate it.
Some examples of cosplay skits include...
The Next Level
Some cosplayers get so advanced in their craft that they graduate from merely appearing in cosplay skits up to actually running the cosplays themselves. This is largely an unnecessary task, seeing as every cosplayer has a finely tuned homing device that directs them to the nearest stage at all times, but someone has to write down the names of the people that stumbled across the stage and did the Caramelldansen for the 28th time that night.
Being a cosplay coordinator is a thankless and (thankfully) invisible job. Sure, take credit for herding the cats, but get the fuck off the stage and DO your job. Nobody wants to see a short, balding, gollum looking guy screaming "Jambo!" every 20 seconds when there's a 14 year-old girl waiting to come on and re-enact the first 3 episodes of Bible Black.
These cosplays have been done to fucking death, and done so poorly SO OFTEN that is is illegal in 49 states (save for Kentucky) to cosplay as the following characters. If you cannot come up with a better idea than any of these, you may as well just collect shit from a port-o-potty for an Uncle Tom black-face.
SakuraANYONE from "Naruto"* Except Rock Lee and Gai sensai
If you cosplay as sakura you have done it wrong, are fat, and had a shitty costume. Nobody likes you, just like nobody likes her
- Naruto is fail. You are fail. Keep your fail in the privacy of your own home. No one wants to see it, And there's a great chance you'll end up getting you ass beat anyways.
On that note: Go ahead. Cosplay it. You deserve it. However Rock Lee and Gai Sensai with their green spandex suit, bushy eyebrows and hilarious look overall can be used for priceless humor as long as you got the look right. ONLY if you are in close proximity to Hardgay and are willing to hug him.
- Anyone from "FFVII"
Cloud is a fag, you are a fag. And 99 cent wigs smothered in mousse and a bigass sword cut out of foam board in five minutes are just lazy.
- ANYONE from "Kingdom Hearts"
Every goddamn con you can't 10 feet without seeing some weeaboo dressed as some keyblade wielding faggot, or a black coated Organization 13 retard. Fuck your star-shaped fruit, fuck your keyblades, and FUCK YOU! We're sick of it!
- Rikku, Yuna Or Paine From "FFX-2"
Look, Unless your body AND face are at least an 8 out 10 and a girl, pulling this off well is impossible, and you'll look like a fool.
- Rei or Asuka from "Evangelion"
If you do not have the skills or body to pull off a plug suit, DONT DO IT. Fucking spandex Eva cameltoe at every con
- L from "Death Note"
If you are lazy enough to cosplay L, you should not cosplay at all.
- Anyone from "Inuyasha"
Anyone who watches that show past the first fifty episodes needs to be shot. You're ugly, And your cosplay is ugly. Inuyasha is overdone, and overrated. Don't do this.
- Yoko from "Gurren Lagann"
See "Nigra and cosplay".
- Aerith/Aeris Gainsborough from Final Fantasy VII
Overdone and overrated. There is a good reason she got killed off - she is lame as hell, just as you are lame as hell if you cosplay her.
- The Joker from "The Dark Knight"
Okay we know you like the movie, thats no excuse to put on Joker makeup with crap from Walgreens, put on a green vest, and take myspace angle pictures
- Anyone from "Sailor Moon"
Too Many fat guys have been caught cosplaying the Sailors, its in the fucking hole no matter how hot you are, if your skin looks like plastic and you nailed the cosplay. You wont get any credit from it at all.
We get it. You like 4chan. But nothing screams 'newfag' like a Guy Fawkes mask or an afro and a 'Pool's Closed' sign.
- Any character from vocaloid
If you're a cosplayer of Vocaloid, please kill yourself.
- Any character not related in some way to the Con you are attending
If you are at an Anime Convention, don't cosplay a Stormtrooper. Unless you are employed at the mall, don't cosplay Santa Claus. And if you are at an Anthro Con, fucking kill yourself.
You are still a fgt for cosplaying, but the following is acceptable and will not get rocks thrown at you:
- Allison Daniels
- Basement dweller
- Comic book fans
- DO NOT WANT
- Yuffie bunny
- At an Anime Convention
- Note the woman winner did nothing but glue some horns on. People in the honorable mention section wasted hours.
- Characterhate, for anonymous roleplaying bullshit.
- Fat Yuna cosplays. DO NOT WANT!
- For rampant, mind-blowing what-the-fuckery, 24-7
- LiveJournal: Cosplay Diets ...LAWLz.
Some cosplayers have their own websites
These are some classic examples of their sites. Troll the Guestbooks for great justice.
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|Featured article June 20 & June 21, 2011|