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Apology not accepted.
Vermont's gayer neighbor.
Typical Connecticut raised Yuppie.

Connecticut was founded by exiled batshit carzy people from Massachusetts in 1769. They quickly started growing tobacco along the Connecticut River. Aside from smoking all the time, they cultivated their tobacco into the greatest in the world. Since then nothing useful or good came from this state.

The culture in Connecticut is very gay and prissy. The founding of Yale University helped all natives to speak in lockjaw. Speaking in lockjaw (not to be confused with speaking in tongues) is a way in which the mouth does not truly open creating an arrogant sounding style of speaking. One of the benefits of lockjaw is that wrinkles do not develop on the face. However, the lips rarely open for anything else except for sucking cock. Many Connecticut native females develop locked-pussy-lips which makes it painful for them to be entered vaginally, hence the explanation of why the state is so gay.



Moar info: Detroit.

Bridgeport is the city you go to if you want to get jumped; basically New England's Largest Ghetto also notable for Subway and Pedophiles.

New Haven

Moar info: Nerds.

Home to Yale and George Bush.


Moar info: New York.

Basically just New York.


Moar info: Ghetto.

A ghetto disguised as the state capital. Everyone knows the real state capital is located in either Greenwich or Westport

New London

Moar info: Gay.

Submarines Nuff Said.


Moar info: West Virginia.



Moar info: Puerto Rico.


Most people either take the train or bus. This might be because it is one of the few places in America with a notable rail network; but most people believe this is because I-95 and I-91 are under construction for 366 days of the year.


Connecticut is known for its many inventions. Amusingly, the rest of humanity finds different uses for the inventions of this state. For example:

  • The cotton gin was invented to mechanically ass fuck its owners with a dildo.
  • Vulcanized rubber was invented to heat up to a hot liquid state so that men could easily manscape.
  • The frisbee was invented to deliver cum-stained love notes across campus.
  • ESPN was invented so the gays of Connecticut could watch more young athletes wearing oversized cups.
  • The submarine was invented as a place for a bunch of gay men to use cotton gins on each other.
  • Subway was invented to provide Stoners with something to eat 24/7.
  • Sandy Hook

Anything worth noting about Connecticut

Ever if you crash land in Confuckatit in a failed repeat of 9/11 and you have no way out, here are some things to remember:

  • Connecticut people always have a pole up their ass. Do not, especially do not, flag down a driver to make conversation or ask for directions. You will probably get shot, because Connecticut is full of black person and Hippie Rednecks and they both be packin' heat.
  • You can do anything in Connecticut, as long as you don't get caught. People here don't care enough to snitch on each other, and the cops are pretty lame, so unless you're a nigger walking down a street you are very unlikely to be asked any questions.
  • A good part is, unlike most towns in America where niggers are spread throughout, towns in Connecticut usually only have a neighborhood or two (depending on the town) where all the niggers reside. This means they are easily avoidable. Do not confuse a good neighborhood for a niggahood though, because every neighborhood in Connecticut save a few look like shit.
  • Watchout for rednecks. This is important. Rednecks are almost as bad as jews and niggers. They drive around on the back of raised pickup trucks screaming, and in the backwater towns, throwing bottles or lynched nigger bodies. Confronting them is a bad idea. Just trust me. In fact, it is probably wise not to talk to anyone here you don't know.
  • Prepare to walk in any convenience store or gas station and be face to face with a Ghandi. This is true almost anywhere, but it is especially awesome to troll them because it is so easy and they get so butthurt. One popular method is to walk in and insist to buy something they don't carry, they get pissed because only half of them speak English. Another way to induce lolz is too use DAMN NIGGA because they will only stare at you. Example: "These nigger products are so expensive I hope the holocaust happens and wipes out every single jew".
  • Last but not least, do not mistake Connecticut's distance from the Mexican border as a safe haven. There are so many illegal Mexicans and Puerto Rican's, a classic example that Spanish people are taking over the country and dey takin' our jerbs!
  • This Famous Man is from Connecticut.
The Most Famous Citizen of Connecticut.

Politics in Connecticut

Politics in Connecticut are influenced by four main things; illegal aliens, niggers, tax, and dead highways.

If you're lucky enough to live in Hartford you get to experience the wonders of being surrounded by puerto ricans and niggers. This is because the government was smart enough to make it into a sanctuary city where [killing floor|illegals could roam free while getting free money]].

Where does Connecticut get all the money to waste on welfare? Taxes, taxes everywhere. Sales tax, property tax, gas tax, even an internet tax.

Dead Highways
When Connecticut isn't wasting their money paying government coon janitors $50 an hour, they attempt to build roads and highways with a shitty success rate. There are a total of 6 incomplete highways, one of which was because they didn't want to disturb the habitat of a spotted owl.

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