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    Columbiners

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    File:Columbiner.jpg
    A CHS student, making a fake gun pose. Another picture exists of her wearing a trenchcoat. It is believed that she got expelled for this photo shoot (inside the school no less) but we applaud her for the effort.

    Columbiners are rabid fangirls (and an occasional fanboy) who are obsessed and often in love with Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the perpetrators of the infamous Columbine High School Massacre of 1999. They tend to congregate on Tumblr, a leftist site infamous for harboring millions of the most degenerate SJW freaks imaginable. Columbiners are also known as the TCC, which presumably stands for "The Columbine Club", "Timid Crazy Cunts" or "True Crime Community". They number in the tens of thousands and several TCCfags have committed to plans of real world violence. The vast majority of Columbiners are extremely mentally ill teenage girls, although it is a known fact that the vast majority of women are fucked up in the head. However, these broads take it to a whole new level.

    Origin

    Columbine Tattoo.jpg


       
     
    This funeral stopped the further growth of one thing — the petition to the governor for Injun Joe's pardon. The petition had been largely signed; many tearful and eloquent meetings had been held, and a committee of sappy women been appointed to go in deep mourning and wail around the governor, and implore him to be a merciful ass and trample his duty under foot. Injun Joe was believed to have killed five citizens of the village, but what of that? If he had been Satan himself there would have been plenty of weaklings ready to scribble their names to a pardon-petition, and drip a tear on it from their permanently impaired and leaky water-works.
     

     
     

    —Even Mark Twain knew about this

    The attacks at Columbine resulted in only 15 deaths, but the impact was almost comparable to 9/11, at least for Millennials. Ever since the news broke out, tens of thousands of trolls and admirers came into existence. Though hybristophilia has long been in existence, it's not until recent times that the internet has given us such a great insight into their minds, as the internet allowed these freaks to develop their own community, providing us with endless disgusting blogs and fanfics. As the world changed and the internet evolved, these admirers went from curious Goth kids on AOL to LiveJournal, to the forums of the game Super Columbine Massacre RPG, to YouTubers such as Pekka-Eric Auvinen, to the current times, where Generation Z kids nest on Tumblr. The Dumblrina variety came into prominence around 2011, and accelerated in 2014. This new generation of admirers are more disturbing and bizarre than any before them and provide extreme potential for lulz, should you seek them out for cowmilking. Practically all Columbiners admire and obsess over the shooters, whilst saying that they "Don't condone". Should you infiltrate their circles, you'll find the majority of them eager to commit acts of mass murder; truly, these freaks are an extreme risk to society. They often dress the same (Dark clothes / Trenchcoats), listen to the same music (KMFDM, Rammstein, etc.) and develop the same interests as the killers did. Many in the community have casually made public jokes and threats to commit acts of mass-violence. Though mostly underground, this community has gained the attention of the media ever since the actions of Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath in 2015. In addition, the community has also brought about a great deal of butthurt from normies and nerds who don't have what it takes to get the girls.


    The fag Onision did a video about these freaks, bringing in more attention to the scene:

    Notable Members

    File:Wardrobe.jpg
    A fan's NBK costume

    Due to the disturbing nature of the Columbiner / TCC scene, and the fact that it's Dumblr, there have been various fools who have made a clown of themselves within that community. We at ED will list them here for all eternity, for the world to shame them for their degeneracy and attempts at violence. Although most Columbiners try to act intimidating, most of them are weak nerdy suburban youth IRL and often pose little threat. However, some have gone for the High Score- and often failed. This list only counts those within the Dumblr lolumbine scene; those who went for the High Score or other notable lolcows.

    Brooke Higgins

    One of the two hot jailbait assailants caught planning a massacre in suburban Denver, Brooke Higgins is heavily suspected of once possessing a dumblr account. She had a strong interest in the Columbine shooters, and was very likely a TCC whore.

    Lindsay Souvannarath

    • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath, James Gamble, and Randall Steven Shepherd - These three dumbasses conspired to commit mass murder at the Halifax Shopping Center back in early 2015. They were very frequent bloggers on Tumblr, and extremely active in the Columbiner scene. They met through the site and grew to become very close friends; Lindsay was dating James apparently. James acted as the supplier for the NBK; he had in his possession an AK-47, two shotguns, and a Ruger Mini-14. Sadly, their plan was quickly foiled because they hinted at their plans constantly, even posting a picture "Valentines Day 2015 - It's going down". PRO-TIP: If you're going to participate in crime, don't fucking let anyone know about it you fucking idiots.

    They each had their own blogs on dumblr, listed below -

    Lynn Ann

    Though all Columbiners are massive freakshows, Lynn Ann takes the goddamn cake. Lynn is likely the biggest fangirl of that faggot Eric Harris. She has posters of that kid, coffee cups of him, and much more. She dedicated an entire channel to her love and obsession with that loser, which eventually attracted a lot of negative attention to her and her story. Her degenerate obsession and crush for that faggot has warranted her very own article, here on ED.

    Kali Jade Bookey

    A 14 year old girl who was obsessed with Columbine. She attacked her brother's girlfriend and nearly killed her, because she was jealous of her brother giving the GF all the attention. She referred to herself as a "psycho" who was looking for her "first kill". She posted a picture of Eric Harris on her Facebook on his birthday. She explained to the police that she didn't want to murder the girl; just scare her away. Believed to once operate a dumblr acc.

    Canadian Jane Doe

    An unidentified 14 year old girl who was very active on dumblr, and posted a threat declaring an attack. Hours later, she reenacted Alex Hribal and knifed several students before getting v&.

    That One Guy

    A Youtube Vlogger who has accumulated a small cult following. This fag mainly sucks off and worships the columbine fags. Despite looking like a scrawny manlet shrimp with no genetically superior qualities, this weirdo has managed to score the hearts of hundreds of mentally ill teenage thots, so we'll give him creds for that. However, whatever the fuck name "That One Guy" is, prob won't be able to tap any of that jailbait ass since he's likely in his 20s. That's all we really know about this goober.

    Randy Robert Stair

    One of the more recent mass shooters, Randy was a 24 year old sperglord who fantasized about gay sex with the columbine fags, while he updated his social media accounts with his autistic and pathetic ass Danny Phantom + School Shooting ERP fanfics and artworks. Eventually that faggot scored shotguns and refurnished them to look like the Columbine shooters shit, then used them to kill a few people before systematically becoming an hero. Later, he was discovered to have been a avid poster on Columbine fan forums / facebook groups where he unsuccessfully tried to score with some of the thots around there.

    How To Troll Columbiners

    • Call the Columbine shooters out for being gay
      • And killing innocents; those who were smarter and more successful then they ever could've been
    • Call them severely mentally ill, and suggest they visit a psychiatrist
      • Or trigger the fuck out of them and drive them to suicide. Should be easy enough.
    • Tell them that Reb and Vodka would have shot them in the face irl
    • Call them fags or dumb whores
    • Report them to the FBI; you'll probably get them v&, and be preventing a massacre in the process!
      • To report them to the FBI, please follow this link, and fill in the form with the appropriate information.
    • Seriously. REPORT THEM TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES. There are actual lives at risk, and you'll fucking ruin these crazy cunts lives in the process!
    • Show them Animal abuse / gore material. This will trigger the fuck out of them and probably make them cut themselves
    • Tell them that their serial killer husbandos are the most popular and generic out of all serial killer husbandos
    • Have an opinion even remotely right-wing
    • Enact psychological warfare by pointing out how they're impure whores for sucking off chad, getting pumped and dumped, becoming feminist cunts, and driving their beta orbiters to suicide so that she'd notice them. Subtly convince them that they are monsters and should terminate their existence. They possess extremely unstable personalities and minds, and pose an extreme threat to themselves. Take advantage of this fact for the greater good.
    • Steal their content and re-upload it somewhere else
    • Troll the fuck out of them and repeatedly suggest they kill themselves
    • Tell them to read "Columbine" by Dave Cullen.

    Variants

    There are several different microcultures similar to Columbiners, mostly on Tumblr. Typically, they are people interested in crime cases (mostly other school shooters, or serial killers). Often, thousands of fangirls are in these circles and get wet over other dickheads like TJ Lane, Pekka-Eric Auvinen or even the pedophile child killer, Adam Lanza.

    Videos


    For extra cringe, read the comments.

    Shit degenerate suburban freaks say.

    Gallery

    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

    See Also

    External Links


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    Featured article April 20 & 21, 2017
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