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Æ Roadmap

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    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Cock Trapper

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    File:Assfuckwut.jpg
    A popular method of cock trapping is between one's teeth

    A Cock Trapper is a type of whore most commonly found in redneck communities (ex: Alabama). They have been bred to find an unsuspecting male at a young age. They attempt to impregnate themselves in order to manipulate and control unsuspecting males and leech off of their hard earned money. Often they will cheat on their boyfriend, get pregnant by someone else, and then tell her boyfriend it's his baby [1]. This differs from the common housewife in one fundamental way. They don't clean, cook, or work. They are freeloaders.

    Prostatots often become Cock Trappers, who aspire to become teen mothers.

    Cock trappers use many techniques. Playing the good girl is commonly used to trap older males.


    Common Cock Trapper phrases

    • "I can't get pregnant!"
    • "I'm on birth control."
    • "Here, use this condom."
    • "Can I see that condom we just used for a minute? Also, do you have a turkey baster I can borrow? It's for my mom!" (said when all normal means of trapping a man via pregnancy fail.)
    • "Put down that gun baby, please! I'm sorry I lied about being on the pill! Don't shoo..." [boom]
    • "......." ('cause her throat's been slit)

    How to spot Cock Trappers

    • She whistles through the gap in her teeth.
    • She doesn't tell you she is pregnant until the third trimester.
    • She thinks you are cheating on her if you leave the room.
    • She tells everyone about how she was almost raped.
    • Her mom is a cock trapper.
    • She commonly hangs around other cock trappers.
    • She commonly works for short periods of time at dead end jobs.
    • She is allergic to cleaning supplies.
    • She buys things with your money and leaves them on the floor.
    • When she claims she is cleaning, she is on the internet showing the goods.
    • Has registered already on http://www.babyuniverse.com before you have met her.
    File:09-02-10951239.jpg
    Typical Cock Trapper attire and living conditions

    What to do about it

    • Kill the bitch and her demon offspring.
    • Blast her with piss.
    • Fire works well, also.

    What to do about it if you're a pussy

    • Force feed her morning after pills.
    • Forcibly hold her down and pour dangerous chemicals into her cunt so that it kills the sperm you put inside of her pussy.
    • Don't believe her lies.
    • Tell her that the baby will only make her fat(ter than she already is), and leave many pics of the Olsen twins laying around. The problem will then work itself out naturally.
    • Punch her in the stomach/throw her down the stairs/force her to do a belly-flop onto a table lamp.
    • Buy a pair of Doc Martens and initiate Cuntpunt.
    • Tie her up and use a coat hanger to kill the unborn baby against her will if necessary.
    • Change your name and move to Mexico.
    • Kill the bitch.
    • Buy a new penis- you don't want to keep your old one.
    • Tape her phone call conversations to her cock trapper friends (99.999999% of the time she will brag to them about how she's gonna "get everything she can" out of you), then take the bitch to court.
    • If all else fails, take it to Maury and call her a queen sized whore after being vindicated.
    • ??????
    • PROFIT!

    But the most important defense of them all is to get yourself a Vasectomy. This way not only will this prevent pregnancy, but you can also get the satisfaction of counter-pwning her by revealing that you got one right before she is about to force you into Marriage.

    Epic Vasectomy story succeeds in obtaining lulz over a cock trapper. (This is how it's done, boys!)


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    Cock Trapper is part of a series on

    Sex

    Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

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    Cock Trapper is part of a series on

    Whores

    Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.