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There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.
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AHHH!C'MON FUCK A GUY
Chuggo is a Canadian rapper who is often called a wigger for no reason other than he's a white guy who talks like a nigger. However, some argue that Chuggo is not, in fact, a wigger, but an intelligent human being who likes to fuck guys. The Canadianicity in his blood forces Chuggo to become enraged about the fact that he is not part of a better country, said country is definitely not Americunt. This forces Chuggo to show his hate through the easiest form known to man, that being to take a beat, talk some words, and hey presto, you got a rap song. However, because no one actually pays attention to what Canadians have to say, this is an ill fated attempt at seriousness. Some myths are spoken about Chuggo, some of which are preposterous, but some true, such as the mayonnaise conspiracy.
Chuggo grew up on Lakeshore & Islington in Toronto. This shows that he's clearly street. He was raised between a KFC and a GNAA owned strip club where he was taught to love mayonnaise. Because of this, he is a terribly confused individual who can't decide if he's a wigger or AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY.
For the first 7 years of his life, his head grew bigger due to a lot of T.V.-dinners covered in mayonnaise and drinking Remy Martin, this is probably why he AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY.
In 2005 Chuggo was featured as a wanted top 10 criminal on the 222-tips website. He surrendered to the police soon after his name appeared on the list. He was later acquitted when it became clear it was a case of mistaken identity as he was already in jail for AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY when the crimes were committed.
Mayonnaise ('mayonaisse' in Chuggese)
As stated previously, the widely believed reason for Chuggo putting mayonnaise on everything, is the fact that he states, in his own words, that he grew up beside a KFC and a gay strip club. However, analysts have shown that the most obvious by-product of this would be him putting chicken up his ass, but he has never mentioned, or at least, has never been documented as having mentioned whether or not he has done so.
Another reason though, greatly increasing the reason why Chuggo actually puts mayonnaise on everything, is that he was in fact a mayonnaise trafficker for the gay strip club. Everyone knows that gay people use mayonnaise as lubricant, and many believe that Chuggo was employed to acquire mayo from the KFC and transport it to the gay club. This caused him psychosomatic stress, and as a result, Chuggo now has to have mayonnaise on everything, literally. This theory would also explain his immortal line
Though Chuggo has claimed he puts mayonnaise on "everything," it is unknown whether he actually likes the taste of mayonnaise or if he just eats it to get a rep. In the video "Chuggo Eats", he can be seen preparing "his favorite dish," which is clearly pork and beans. Critics of Chuggo have taken this as proof of the fraudulence of Chuggo's professed mayonnaise affinity; his defenders point out that a jar of Miracle Whip can be clearly seen after seven seconds of the video, and that the preparation of Chuggo's meal is not shown in full. These defenders are undoubtedly retarded, as Miracle Whip is not mayonnaise, but mayonnaise substitute.
Chuggo is soon to be releasing his own brand of mayonnaise, called "Chuggo Mayonaisse" (sic) with the tagline being: "It's Chugg-O-Riffic!". A glimpse of this new product is given in his "AHHH, CMON FUCK A GUY" video, as well as the possible advertising promotion for the product. The applications of the product are as of yet, unknown.
AHHHHH CMON FUCK A GUY
— Chuggo, admitting he has AIDS
Chuggo's first and only music video is a gorgeous high school video-editing class winner, featuring amazing green screening and awesome graphics.
In the song, he bravely embraces every man's natural urges to AHHHH! CMON FUCK A GUY.
Chuggo, since being declared an honorary Penis Pumper, has since been covered by some of the pumpers themselves, to awesome affect. Different genres have been experimented with, with some lulz-worthy results produced. See the below videos for sheer awesomeness and lulz.
These tracks, and more, are available at: http://wepump.in/chuggo
Chuggo interview by Penis Pump
On 26th of March, 2008, one fine unknown pumper plucked up the courage and telephoned Chuggo. This was done as an attempt to ascertain whether or not Chuggo has seen/heard the remixes of his song "AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY!", and if so, what Chuggo himself thought about the current Chuggers made by the Penis Pumpers. The call was also made to gauge what Chuggo's opinions were on certain aspects of what is being said about him on the internets.
His thoughts were mixed about the tracks currently released.
Chuggo: yes, but uhh, some of them i hate, i heard
Chuggo: ok but wait, this is uhh, this is down south bands right?
Pumper: i mean these are, yeh, these are mc's, these are groups, you know, penis pumpers basically
Chuggo: yeh, i know what that is, yeh, i saw that, thats uhh, if you go on youtube
Pumper: sorry, you saw what?
Chuggo: i went on youtube, it says P P T V, Penis Pumper, whatever, and then uhh, yeh, its filled with uhh, with covers, some of them uhh, some of them
Chuggo: but what do you mean down south? like what do you, what what?
Pumper: well you know, theyre like grimy mc's and shit like that, these are, these are guys that like, you know, theyre, well i guess i think theyre all over the world, i know one of these fools is down south, another, another kid
Pumper: this is what this guy was telling me, another kid is like, from the uk, you got some kids from
Chuggo: yeh yeh, i heard the uk ones, some of them sound like sugar ray
Pumper: right, *laughs*
Chuggo: you know like, have you seen them on youtube? you havent gone and checked these out?
Pumper: yeh, no, ive heard umm, theres this one page, on um, i think its like W E P U M P . I N / chuggo
Cmon Fuck A Guy
He also mentions his opinion on people calling his song "AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY!" and not "Cmon Fucking Guy"
Pumper: yeh, i know it, i mean, they love FUCK A GUY, they love it
Chuggo: but its not FUCK A GUY
Pumper: right, fucking guy
Chuggo: fucking guy, but i dont care, one person made fun of it, and uhh, like, whatever, like said, like they put a caption of FUCK A GUY
Chuggo: at the bottom of it
Chuggo: and then, at first i was pissed, but now i dont care, because its like fucking, now im getting like more fans than ever
His curiosity about what Penis Pump is, was also mentioned, aswell as his inability to use computers.
Chuggo: so, what is this penis pump thing?
Pumper: i dont know, thats, thats like, that has, man, that has nothing, like i have no idea what it is, like, i dont know if its a group, if its an affiliation, its probably some like, you know warez crew or something, i dont know what that is, but um
Pumper: you know, i can put you in touch with them because the dude that i met, who says he knows these guys, he gave me an email address
Pumper: i dont know if you want it
Chuggo: yeh, im just really bad with fucking computers
Chuggo: so i dont um, you know, like, i fail sending emails, everytime i ask someone if they got an email, they say no
In the last moments of the call to Chuggo, the pumper asks if Chuggo would like to send the pumpers a message.
Pumper: so if i had to relay a message, um, you know, if i had to relay a message word for word, what would you want to say to the penis pumpers
Chuggo: whatever you hear, if you hear it like that i dont care as long as your hearing it and enjoy it
- AHHHHH CMON FUCK A GUY video
- Download the song!
- Chuggolation Tracks
- Chuggo's Myspace
- First Church of Saint Chuggo
- An interview with Chuggo
Chuggo is part of a series on
Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article April 7, 2008|