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    Chris Forcand

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    120px According to the Internet Vigilante Group "Chris Forcand's recent arrest was on the news. They showed several "brb church" shoops and his page on EncyclopediaDramatica. He's in jail now"



    File:Forcandmugshot.jpg
    Toronto PD Official Mugshot.
    File:Chrislikeslittlegirls.png
    He likes little girls

    Chris Forcand is an upstanding Canadian citizen and devout Christian who resembles Don Rickles (More like Ron Dickles, AMIRITE?!). The most important things in Life according to Chris are "God, and meeting a nice girl", and his ideal partner is "younger than myself" [1].

    File:Pedoshoe.JPG
    "oh good I am glad i pleased you I wasn't sure if i did a good job with it"

    When Chris is not busy studying the Bible, he likes to chat to young girls on MSN. It was therefore one of Chris' most perfect moments when he met 13-year old "Jessica" on December 14, 2007. Unfortunately, perfect is the enemy of good. Chris did not have the common sense to realize there are no girls on the internets. This, combined with a remarkable interest in females of breeding age, made him vulnerable to epic fail.

    When offered the virtual delicious loli, it did not take long for Chris to expose to the world his deepest desires and dreams. After seeing some pictures, he took an immediate interest in the little Jessica's mammaries and vagina, inviting her to send her soiled panties to him, and as the kind Christian he is, offering her a place to stay.

    Propositions like this would not be credible without some camwork. After Chris had counted the seconds waiting for his church session to end, he was happy to find Jessica on MSN again and proceeded to whore it up, at full force with his man-bits (bits would be appropriate here, amirite?), mouth, and ass.

    As expected, it turned out that Jessica's real name was Anonymous. Using the subtle technique as popularized by people with seats, the fine folks from ebaumsworld successfully trolled him. They easily uncovered his dox from the detailed information he provided, and proceeded to spam his praize.com blog and e-mail his church.

    On Wednesday December 5th, 2007 he was Party Horsed after the heroes at the Internet Vigilante Group sent out a Cyber Posse to help the Royal Canadian Mounted Police round up this menace to society.

    His So-Called Magical Powers

    After being trolled yet again, some fag alerted Chris to the existence of /b/ and of his current status as a lolcow. Whether Chris knew of the scheduled IRL raid on the 26th of October remains unknown. Anyway, Chris finally snapped to and attempted to use his magic powers to summon Jesus to his aid against Anon, but this sadly did not work and only resulted in butthurt to Chris and moar epic lulz. Experts have discerned many reasons why Chris failed:

    Experts agree that Chris should have bought a dog instead, however, a cat is fine too.

    File:Chrisbythepowerofjesus.jpg
    who's Jesus Christ lol

    BRB CHURCH

    File:BRB CHURCH.jpg
    I'll show you later

    After these events "BRB, going to church" quickly became a meme. This holds particular significance in a time when many struggle to combine the pursuit of heaven with the dangers of real life and the Internet.

    BRB JAIL

    For main article see Internet Vigilante Group

    On December 5th, 2007, Chris Forcand was arrested by the Toronto Sex Crimes Unit and is facing multiple sexual and weapons related charges.

    Forcand's days were numbered already but after a Cyber Posse from Anon's Internet Vigilante Group showed Canadian authorities a severed foot from a cleverly lain bear trap that had been baited with delicious loli, the jig was up. DNA tests on the foot matched that of Forcand and, with that, it was to be brb, jail instead of brb, church for the devout Christian predatory pederast.


    Notice the Encyclopedia Dramatica Screenshot at 0:50

    Memorable Quotes

    The Church is a big motivator for Chris.
       
     
    i want to show you my cock but my son is here right now and we are going out to church. can i show you later when he is back home?
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Churches

       
     
    maybe you can mail me your panty with pussy juice in it for me to taste you
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Maybes

       
     
    if your panty is wet you could put it in a baggie first and seal it to keep it wet and then put it in the brown bubble envelope [address removed] maybe double baggy it to keep it wet, even if it dried i could still suck on your panty and taste you
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: following the postal service's recommendations for transporting organic liquids (also, we all know that organic liquids NEVER ferment when sealed up)

       
     
    you can be my little girl, i adopt you [...] andsleep (sic) together every night
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Possible future plans

       
     
    did you like the shoe on my cock was it good enough [...] i will do it for you again any time you want me to
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Other possible future plans

       
     
    your mind is gullible weak and sick and you believe what you like cause you are deceived by your father the devil satan the father of lies [...] you come from hell I come from God
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Your mind

       
     
    In the mighty name of Jesus Christ the Son of God I command you demon to return to your father the devil in hell
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: in a failed attempt to summon Jesus

       
     
    they are crazy people out there... real pyschos
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Chris Forcand

       
     
    can i be your first cock you sucked
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Firsts

       
     
    I think this whole catastrophe has been a crime against humanity, not done by the hurricane but by the bureaucracy of the United States. Those responsible should be tried in the World Court for crimes against humanity and punished as deemed appropriate by the World Court.
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on Jews did Katrina

       
     
    Hey thanks for creating a website on me. It will be easy for my friends to find me. I just have to explain to them that I was play-acting the fools all along. Such fools. Come play with me some more. I attend BRB Church isnt that obvious dumbos.
     

     
     

    —Chris Forcand: on this article and the defense he plans to use in e-court

    Conversations

    It is widely believed that the following exchange is the greatest thing in history:

    [email protected] says: i adopt you

    serious says: Mmm then we could play everday

    [email protected] says: for sure

    [email protected] says: andsleep together every night

    serious says: if we sleep that is ;)

    [email protected] says: true

    [email protected] says: cause we would have sex every night

    ... but honorable men may differ. Complete transcripts follow.

    Logs

    File:Pdeopeeingincup.JPG
    wanna see me pee in a cup?

    Byebye Telephone

    Chris' phones had been disconnected shortly after being v&. His home phone now belongs to Jordan from On Track Safety. Calls to his phone to advise he holds a number tainted by a pedophile is okay.

    Gallery

    See Also

    External Links

    lol wut.

    Also, ED's Pwnage of Chris FOURCHAN'D is mentioned on Cracked Props to cracked.

    Chris Forcand is part of a series on
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    Featured article October 24, 2007
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