Chris Dorner

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Problem L.A.?

At the dawn of 2013, a former law-enforcement officer by the name of Chris Dorner rose like a big black musclebound sleeping giant and declared war upon the corrupt pigs that surrounded his hefty body. Dorner had discovered over many years that his former organization had lifted him up on a bed of lies, with inherent institutionalized racism and favoritism seeping through it's corrupt corners, and thus decided to go all out madman vigilante on their asses. Not only did Dorner author a breathtaking manifesto, but like many before him acted on his beliefs by unleashing them onto the general populous. Dorner has claimed to purge the world from the evil that he sees surrounding him, and like a modern day Jesus with guns, he'll mow down every single last propagator and enabler that stands in his hulking way.

The Story

On the 31st of January, after getting fired from his shit-tier job with the LAPD, Dorner posted his manifesto to Facebook. Soon after reading it, the moralfags on Dorner's friends list got butthurt and sent it to CNN, and the hit list was baleeted. Then nothing happened for 3 days after, because the LAPD didn't care and no one took him seriously. But suddenly, on February 3rd, Chocolate Rambo did what no nigger can resist doing - killing cops. (even though he used to be a fucking cop himself).

This, however, was no ordinary KFC robbery or bike theft. Instead, Dorner decided to pop a cap in the asses of Monica Quan, 28, a basketball coach and her fiancee Keith Lawrence. This was not done just because Dorner, being a nigger, knew basketball well enough to know a woman coaching basketball wasn't doing it right. The bitch was a police captain's daughter, increasing the butthurt level many times over. There are reports that after the murder, Dorner tried to escape to spicland.

But this wasn't enough for our sweet prince. At 1:30am Last Thursday, he went Rambo-style on two officers, using his LAPD training. Then, being the nigger he is, Dorner hid in the shadows while the cops went after him shot and injured random innocent bystanders, including women and children.

Pleased with his work, Dorner decided to sit on his throne atop Big Bear mountain while the cops accidentally the whole of L.A. When they finally traced him to the resort in the Sierra Nevada mountains, a five day manhunt ensued. Meanwhile, the police have offered a one million dollar reward for the capture of our hero because they are too incompetent to track him down themselves.

On Tuesday, February 12th, Dorner shot and killed 2 San Bernardino Country Sheriffs near Big Bear Lake, and subsequently sought refuge in a small cabin which was then surrounded by authorities. An epic battle commenced, in which a gunfight was shown live on National television. A charred body, allegedly Dorner's, was found in the wreckage of the cabin after police tried to trick him by burning the cabin down. Dorner's body was later found, charred and blacker than usual, with a self inflicted gunshot wound. RIP in peace chocolate Rambo.

The Chanifesto

The tl;dr itself.
"The violence of action will be high … I will bring unconventional and asymmetrical warfare to those in LAPD uniform whether on or off duty … you will now live the life of the prey."


Internet tough guy IRL

I never knew him not to be smiling. They're not looking for a stupid guy, here.


—Contrary to popular belief, Dorner is not just any dumb nigger.

My response was swift and non-lethal. I struck him fast and hard with a punch an [sic] kick … that day I made a life decision that I will not tolerate racial derogatory terms spoken to me.


—Dorner on beating up some guy as a kid for calling him a nigger. Watch what you say!

I know most of you who personally know me are in disbelief to hear from media reports that I am suspected of committing such horrendous murders and have taken drastic and shocking actions in the last couple of days. You are saying to yourself that this is completely out of character of the man you knew who always wore a smile wherever he was seen. I know I will be villified by the LAPD and the media. Unfortunately, this is a necessary evil that I do not enjoy but must partake and complete for substantial change to occur within the LAPD and reclaim my name.


—Dorner trying to remind us all that he is not really a gun toting, crime committing nigger.

The department has not changed since the Rampart and Rodney King days. It has gotten worse. The consent decree should never have been lifted. The only thing that has evolved from the consent decree is those officers involved in the Rampart scandal and Rodney King incidents have since promoted to supervisor, commanders, and command staff, and executive positions.


butthurt that his superiors were a bunch of corrupt pigs.

In 8/07 I reported an officer, for kicking a suspect (excessive force) during a Use of Force while I was assigned as a patrol officer at LAPD’s Harbor Division. While cuffing the suspect, [redacted] kicked the suspect twice in the chest and once in the face. The kick to the face left a visible injury on the left cheek below the eye. Unfortunately after reporting it to supervisors and investigated by PSB, nothing was done.


—Remember guise these are the ppl who protect and serve!

I have exhausted all available means at obtaining my name back. I have attempted all legal court efforts within appeals at the Superior Courts and California Appellate courts. This is my last resort. The LAPD has suppressed the truth and it has now lead to deadly consequences.


—Dorner's final solution. Not too different from the big guy himself, amirite?

Your lack of ethics and conspiring to wrong a just individual are over.Suppressing the truth will leave to deadly consequences for you and your family.


—Dorner stating that the consequences will never be the same.

This will be a war of attrition and a Pyrrhic and Camdean Victory for myself. You may have the resources and manpower but you are reactive and predictable in your op plans and TTP’s. I have the strength and benefits of being unpredictable, unconventional, and unforgiving. Do not waste your time with briefs and tabletops.


—Dorner declares war on OP for being a faggot. what did you think he meant by "op plans"?

Whatever pre-planned responses you have established for a scenario like me, shelve it. Whatever contingency plan you have, shelve it. Whatever tertiary plan you’ve created, shelve it. I am a walking exigent circumstance with no OFF or reset button. JRIC, DOJ, LASD, FBI and other local LE can’t assist and should not involve themselves in a matter that does not concern them. For all other agencies, do not involve yourself in this capture or recovery of me.


You're fucking dead, kiddo!

Self Preservation is no longer important to me. I do not fear death as I died long ago on 1/2/09. I was told by my mother that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I refuse to accept that.


—Dorner threatening to an hero.

Ellen Degeneres, continue your excellent contribution to entertaining America and bringing the human factor to entertainment. You changed the perception of your gay community and how we as Americans view the LGBT community. I congratulate you on your success and opening my eyes as a young adult, and my generation to the fact that you are know different from us other than who you choose to love.


—Dorner attempts to get teh gays on his side.

Anonymous, you are hated, vilified, and considered an enemy to the state. I personally view you as a culture and a necessity that brings truth to a cloaked world. Forge ahead!


—Dorner addresses his loyal subjects and reminds them who they are.

It's kind of sad I won't be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don't make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week.


—A moment in silence for our /b/rother who missed shark week.

No one grows up and wants to be a cop killer. It was against everything I've ever was. As a young police explorer I found my calling in life. But, As a young police officer I found that the violent suspects on the street are not the only people you have to watch.


—Dorner comparing the cops to his fellow nigs.

I lost my position as a Commanding Officer of a Naval Security Forces reserve unit at NAS Fallon because of the LAPD. I've lost a relationship with my mother and sister because of the LAPD. I've lost a relationship with close friends because of the LAPD. In essence, I've lost everything because the LAPD took my name and knew I was INNOCENT!!!


How do I proved innocence? By killing fucking everything, of course!

Larry David, Kevin Hart, the late Patrice Oneal, Lisa Lampanelli, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis CK, Dave Chapelle, Jon Stewart, Wanda Sykes, Dennis Miller, and Jeff Ross are pure geniuses. I'm a big fan of all of your work. As a child my mom caught me watching Def Jam comedy at midnight when I should have been asleep. Instead of scolding me, the next night she let me stay up late and watch George Carlin, Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor comedy specials with her for hours. My sides were sore for days.


—Dorner after a ylyl thread.

Wayne LaPierre, President of the NRA, you're a vile and inhumane piece of s***. You never even showed 30 seconds of empathy for the children, teachers, and families of Sandy Hook. You deflected any type of blame/responsibility and directed it toward the influence of movies and the media. You are a failure of a human being. May all of your immediate and distant family die horrific deaths in front of you.


—Dorner criticisng people for supporting gun use and telling them what they deserve.

The Black King of /b/

Shortly after Chocolate Rambo's killing spree, /b/ decided to worship him as their new, and first nigger king. /b/ most likely did this because he was a better version of Anders Breivik since Dorner was after cops instead of the future generation of Cultural Marxist leaders. In addition, Dorner wanted to stick it to the man, much like all of those basement dwelling neckbeards, but unlike those basement-dwelling neckbeards, he actually did. This resulted in a surge of unoriginal faggotry.


As Dorner's one man army battled on against the donut guzzling force of the LAPD, fat messy denizens of the internet everywhere took to their twitter accounts to show their great love and appreciation for Dorner's bloodraged killing spree. Hashtags such as Twitter-favicon.png #TEAMDORNER, Twitter-favicon.png #DornerDidNothingWrong and Twitter-favicon.png #DornerForPresident sprouted up all across twitter feeds over the world, instigated by forces such as Twitter-favicon.png RustleLeague. People mashed their fingers into keyboards and phone screens, tweeting furiously as Chris and the LAPD played the most dangerous game of hide and seek evar. The old media and polizia where not happy with all of this hardcore tweet action, and organisations such as CNN and the LAPD urged people to stop, which naturally worked completely and everyone did what they said.

Team Dorner Tweets.png

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 4/20
Accuracy: 19/20
Style: 20/20 Assassinated various targets. Tactical Espionage Action.
Butthurt: 18/20
Bonus: 20/20
Survived his 6 star wanted level for more than 5 minutes.
Total score: 81/100 (B-)
Thanks for slaughtering the piggies.


[-+]Internet Tough Guy

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you filthy cop? I’ll have you know I'm a former Navy Intelligence officer who was fired by the LAPD for upholding justice, and I’ve been involved in numerous police shootings since earlier this week, and I have over 3 confirmed kills. I am trained in unconventional and asymmetric warfare and I’m the top Rambo in the entire tri-state area. You are nothing to me but just another dishonest police officer. I will wipe every LAPD officer out and bring you to such justice with Use of Force the likes of which has never been seen within the ranks of the LAPD, mark my words, scum. You think you can get away with kicking that poor, defenseless person, and discharging me for reporting it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am running through the woods with a satchel full of RDX and my Barret M82 rifle, with my Surface to Air Missiles shortly ahead, so prepare for the Situation. The Situation that will be resolved, effective immediately. Your whole supposed police keeping operation is over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dick. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the majority of critical Naval defense information with my TS/SCI clearance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable department off the face of California, you dirty peace officer. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” actions were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have fired me. But you drew First Blood, and now you’re paying the price, LAPD. I will shit revenge all over you and you will drown in it until my name is restored. It's over-because I'm right behind you.

[-+]The Fresh Prince of L.A.

Now this is a story all about how the pigs got flipped turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute so fucking stay and hear my story of how I became the prince of LA

In South California born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days.

Chilling out maxin' relaxin' all fly, Beating some racist motherfucking guy.

When a couple of cops who were up to no good. Started making trouble in my adulthood.

I got in one little job and then I got fired. Said I'm gonna take you down from the inside.

I whistled for some fags and when they came near. Put a cap in their ass and got my face on the air.

If anything I could say this moment was rare. So I killed a few more cops and fled into Big Bear

I hid at the resort for a couple of days. But I got pretty cunning and left without delay

I looked at the mess I had finally made, and sat on my throne as the prince of L.A.

[-+]Gotta Kill 'em All

Chris Dorner Ash.jpg

DUNN DUNN DUNN He wants to be the very best

Like no cop ever was

To kill them all is his real test

To expose them is his cause.

He will travel across L.A

Searching far and wide.

The families are gonna pay

For the conspiracies they hide


Is gonna kill 'em all.

Who comes next he'll make the call.


Ohh he'll kill again

for the truth he must defend


Is serious fucking shit

Say nigger and you'll get hit

He'll chew you up into bits


He's so fucking bad

He could kill your dad



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You have the right to burn to death.
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