|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
|This article is paid for by taxpayers like you.
If you plan on killing yourself anytime soon, please watch this before you go.
Christopher Weston Chandler is the perfect example of what happens when an unsupervised autistic weirdo is given free reign on both the world and the internet. His current legal name is Christine Weston Chandler, while his birth name was Christopher Weston Chandler. However, most of us oldfags refer to him as "That fat, retarded, tranny faggot from teh internets", or just Chris for short. Born February 24, 1982: (Age 39) Chris has become well known as one of the finest fat, stupid, perverted, supposedly 'christian', SEVERELY autistic, basement-dwelling, tranny-loving, "virgin with rage", manchildren on the web. He's the original "creator" of the series of comics starring a bootlegged version of the blue blur called Sonichu: his "original" hybrid of Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog. If you are still reading at this point, you are probably more retarded than Chris himself.
Chris has had a life that puts both Lifetime movies about domestic abuse and America's Most Wanted profiles about serial creeps to shame. Thanks to a combination of parental neglect, internet corruption, and troll harassment, Chris has evolved into a fascinating example of American inbred freaks. New and old alike gather in anticipation for what is yet to come after years of stalking him online and in real life. Luckily his aging lolcow utters still have some milk to give, as his YouTube channel is still active. He is currently protected by a group of enablers which ED refers to as "The Chris Cult".
- 1 The Beginning
- 2 CWC vs. ED
- 3 Chris-Chan: A brief history of The (Former) Man
- 4 Chris the Jailbird, Retard Rampage
- 5 Chris' Version, Straight from the Horse's Ass
- 6 Chris Assaults GameStop Employee, or Retard Rampage 2: Electric Boogaloo
- 7 Chris-Chan's Virginity: Lost?
- 8 Coming out of the closet
- 9 January 10th, 2014: House fire
- 10 CWC vs. The Donald
- 11 E-Begging
- 12 Whore hacking and bisexuality
- 13 Chris Chan Has Super Powers And The Apocalypse
- 14 June 23, 2018: The Ban from Too Many Games
- 15 Present
- 16 The Near Future Eulogy For Christian/Christine Weston Chandler
- 17 Other Videos
- 18 See Also
- 19 External Links
Chris began his pitiful life like most Americunts do; crapped out of/into some shit town that no one cares about: Charlottesville, Virginia. He woke up one day on the wrong side of a beat up old snatch named Barbara Chandler. His father, Robert "Where am I?" Chandler was so old that Chris was basically 100% guaranteed to come out retarded thanks to his father's ancient sperm pouring into the used car lot that he called his second wife's uterus. ED fought all of the trolls to get the following script, but now we finally bring you the untold story:
After already failing as a husband, father, and man, Bob prayed for a son in that dingy, light flickering, Marlboro smoked filled hospital while he leaned against the vending machine. He managed to find a glimpse of the TV while watching the Super Bowl XVI; the San Francisco 49ers vs. the Cincinnati Bengals that day as he heard his wife's anguished cries bellowing from the other room.
"Shut up, bitch! I'm trying to hear the game!" He screamed as his wife cried out in pain.
"You did this to me, you son-of-a-bitch!!" Barbara hollered as Chris finally poured out of her, like a frozen turkey into a dirty suburban sink. Bob ran in while lighting the doctor a cigar as he asked... "It's a boy, right??"
The doctor took the cigar like a much needed cock and said, "You want the good news, or the bads news, Bob?"
"Good, GOOD!" Bob shouted as he shook the doctor like a crack fiend shaking down his dealer.
"It's a boy..." The Doctor said with a weak smile and half of a thumbs up.
Bob, despite his instincts, spun around in circle cheering, "It's a boy! Thank Jesus, it's a boy!" He then turned to the doctor and nodded, as if to signal he was ready for the bad news...
"He's a retarded faggot that will think My Little Pony figurines are the same as a girlfriend..."
Robert hung himself less than an hour later.
Our journey then continued in 2007 when Sonichu was first discovered on 4chan. Intrigued by what kind of feeble, autistic mind could create such a thing, the users tracked down Chris and all his associated online accounts. Chris established his lolcow status immediately when people discovered a rambling video of him from earlier that year, containing a wide variety of content such as why smoking and drinking are bad, how girls should use Transformers action figures to seduce boys, and—in what would become extremely ironic years later—how heterosexuality and binary gender roles are an absolute must. The video also confirmed his delusional status as he described it as educational and hoped it would be played in at least two schools. Throughout the entire video Chris proudly wears a Sonichu necklace, which would eventually become well known as the unofficial sign of autism of the internet.
CWC vs. ED
Chris' newly created e-infamy, of course, drew the attention of Encyclopedia Dramatica and an article was promptly written about him. Chris discovered his article and decided to follow the same track he did with 4chan and confronting ED rather than simply ignoring it. At first, Chris tried tampering with his article while logged in as "Reldnahc" which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Next; Chris not understanding the context of the article and the nature of ED, made a plea video to ED and the internet to not misunderstand him. Next, before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan “shattered his heart”, and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash: a shitty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.
To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters.
Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account and tried blanking the page several times. CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Sadly, it was just another lying attempt to make ED feel troll's remorse.
Luckily for Chris, ED went down (as it seems to be doomed to do, forever) due to the usual system warfare issues. He took credit for this by thanking his "fans" (doctors observing him for medical research)
while he broke his own arm jerking himself off. He claimed that fans on his pathetic existence had taken down the website (ED) on his behalf.
Chris' plea for his fans to not donate to ED flopped because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal on August 14, 2008.
Later, Chrissy would post yet another video to the tubes demanding that the page and discussion page be deleted, or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his ten fans to enjoy. He then stated that much like the old adage: "Too many cooks spoil the broth", ED had too many CROOKS. And that "every single word on his ED page was a crook".
After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then Hulked the fuck out and proceeded to beat the shit out of a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of Clyde Cash taped to its face, and that more RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page wasn't taken down posthaste.
Chris-Chan: A brief history of The (Former) Man
Chris was born Christopher Weston Chandler in Charlottesville, Virginia to parents Bob and Barabara Chandler; age 54 and 40 respectively, and raised in Ruckersville, Virginia. Chris was diagnosed with the severe, devastating, highly contagious and once rare Pink Guy Disease as a young child, a diagnosis that would prove itself to be absolutely true when he had his first name 'legally' changed to Christian by an animatronic bug-eyed bear in 1994 after hearing him; possibly a pedophile) mispronounce it . An article in the local paper about the name change accurately described the then 11-year-old Chris' social development as being that of a seven or eight-year-old (it would never change from that point). Chris did, however, manage to graduate from his final compulsory secular facility and even got an associate degree in computer aided drafting and design from a local run-down community college. To this day he's never used that degree, as his crippling PGD would cause him severe confusion for rapidly changing tech, and if potential employer would criticize him for sloppy work, Chris would flip out.
Given the quality of his later work, it appears that Virginia community colleges baffle science and academia by being somehow shittier than what people would already believe a "Virginia community college" to be. Aside from earning his useless associate's degree, he earned his first ban as he got expelled for posting creepy as fuck posters that advertised for "cute single 18-21 year old female companions" with pictures of Sonichu on them (and displaying his homophobia by also telling men seeing the sign to "MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!").
On MySpace, (yes, this story begins a long time ago), Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" — a euphemism Chris's created with his bastardized high school Spanish interpretation, with "novio" which essentially means boyfriend, before the Greek root phobia, committing a facepalm-worthy portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his dead father, because they "took all the pretty girls leaving [him] with no one to choose from". To this day, Chris's hatred for males has only become bigger since he became a transgender degenerate wanker whose sickly 'conservative' mother only condones and supports his extreme perversion.
—Chris-chan spills the beans, I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion.
He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, Mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, and tore down his signs. When Walsh sat down with Chris and told him he couldn't act like a horny retard on campus like that, Chris threw a temper-tantrum in front of her and use his imaginary autistic powers to fire a "curse-yehameha" wave (a retarded combination of a curse and the kamehameha wave from DBZ) at her. She banned him from the school for a year and made him get therapy before he came back. Since then, he has become obsessed with her and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter to contain her evil anti-love powers, and occasionally a broomstick. Because Chris can't draw she appears as a blonde witch with devil horns, which trolls have depicted as a sexy blonde devil woman. We all know he fantasizes about having sex with her with a broomstick in his ass.
Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous porn of her, due to the fact that he secretly wants to diddle her poo hole. You know you want to see it.asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a
Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center, his local Target and local Walmart. He was once handcuffed and kicked out of Target by Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl" by loitering with a retarded attraction sign asking girls of his qualifications to talk to him. He was then also kicked out of the mall and walmart; without arrest this time, for the same exact thing.
Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest because he wants a daughter whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). He made her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pubic hair, mind you), and made a separate file in the game Animal Crossing, and played as her.
The person we know the most about is and was the only real woman in his life was Megan Schroeder who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.
Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" around 50 times.
The Trolling of Chris-chan has gone on for more than a decade. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho loser he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.
- The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when anon took several photos of him. See for Chris QQing.
- An old classmate of Chris from speech therapy, Joshua Martinez, trolled Chris by making him believe Vanessa Hudgens was a friend of his and pretended to date Chris online as her.
- Hanna, an IRL cunt, pranked Chris with the promise of a fake date. to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%.
- When Chris tried to win a video game contest to win a trip to Washington in an attempt to rape Megan, an unwitting Adam Stackhouse cockblocked him by winning.
- Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca. This was the first case of someone outside of people who personally knew Chris messing with him. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a and managed to score horrific nudes. WARNING: DON'T LOOK AT IT. Later on October 7, 2008, "Blanca" managed to get the medallions and .
- Some guy pretended to be some retired Eurofag soccer player named Jimmy Hill and claimed to have stolen Sonichu and made him gay.
- Troll extraordinaire Clyde Cash fucked with Chris by: claiming to have raped and killed his internet girlfriends, hacking into his e-mail accounts, hacking and stealing his PSN account, holding secret legion of doom troll meetings on IRC and Mumble for Chris to join, convincing Chris to dry hump and destroy his PlayStation 3 for over $9000.
- Some fag pretended to be a girl who went by Panda Halo. Basically influenced Chris' comics. Clyde Cash raped her, then she died in a fire in Australia.
- A literal 13-year old boy who called himself Julie pretended to be Chris' girlfriend and had phone sex with Chris and convinced him to film himself fucking a blow-up doll. Many agreed he took it way to far by making Chris cry and making Chris shove jagged broken pieces of his medallion up his ass.
- A troll named Ivy just pretended to be a nice girlfriend and milked a few creepy ass videos out of Chris. She ended things by killing herself.
- Some troll pretended to be Miyamoto and Reggie Fils-aime and told Chris they'd make Sonichu into a video game. Chris showed how incompetent he is and the troll called Chris a loser and called the game off.
- A guy who just started out by making Chris-chan impersonation videos for his friends, later became Liquid Chris; a troll that simply pretended to be Chris-chan and the true creator of Sonichu. His pretend; later IRL wife Kacey, fucked with Chris by pretending to be torn between the two over who she wanted to be with. At the very end Kacey's troll ex-marine father has a 2 hour conversation with Chris in which he forces Chris to face reality and answer for his existence.
- A guy named Matthew Noble pretended to be a GamePlace employee and called Chris' parents to inform them of his misadventures.
- A man going by Alec Benson Leary copied the Sonichu comics but made everyone have Aspergers.
- A guy pretending to be a Hawaiian named Surfshack Tito fucked with Chris by stealing his Playstation stuff and pretending to fuck his internet girlfriends. This causes Chris to say NIGGER on camera.
- A girl going by Jackie found Chris on a dating site and "trolls" him by nagging him to eat healthy, get a job, and exercise. Chris ends the relationship because he's a fatass. Chris also ends up doing Blackface on camera.
- The last woman as of yet went by Catherine, really just gets information out of him.
- A troll message board, Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia, harbored and convinced Chris to become a tranny with the retarded idea, if guys like Tomboys, chicks like Tomgirls.
- A IRL group of faggy underage teenagers that lived near Chris called themselves Teen Troon Squad. They smoked weed with Chris and played off his autism and gullibility to put even more delusion ideas in his/her head. At this point the site Kiwi Farms suffers a gigantic black cock size amount of troll remorse and now they follow and hack Chris' e-mails and other online accounts to find out who he talks to and dox (would be) trolls to make them leave Chris alone. They call themselves "The Guard dogs"
- Two guys known as the Ideas Guys fucked with Chris' psyche hard by making him believe he can really travel to his imaginary Sonichu world, My Little Pony world and any world. They convince him there's a dimensional apocalypse coming where all the cartoon and fantasy dimensions will collide and if he prepares he'll become God. These guys were doxxed and reported to the police by the faggy Guarddogs because the Idea Guys duped Chris out of $6,000.
- Some disgusting middle-age basement dwelling furfag named Jacob Sockness convinced Chris to be his friend and hopeful lover and tells him the dimensional merge will happen if him and Chris have sex. It goes so far that Jacob buys a plane ticket to visit Chris, but Chris then says no.
Chris the Jailbird, Retard Rampage
The GAMe PLACe (later known as Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys and defunct as of June 2014) was a comic, gaming, and hobby store located in Charlottesville, Virginia where Chris played Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and other games that the DSM-5 officially lists as autism spectrum disorder symptoms. Chris was a regular for many years (always showing up wearing his Sonichu medallion) where he became well known for scaring little kids, throwing bitch-fits when he lost (which other regulars say was often), and threatening to fight other patrons (who apparently did not simply beat his ass down because they found him to pathetic). It was also here that Chris met the ill-fated Megan Schroeder. Although he had received a temporary ban before, Chris eventually found himself permabanned in 2008 after getting into a racist screaming match with a black child. Despite intervention from his long suffering parents, neither of them were able to convince manager Michael Snyder to allow him back into the store.
As it had worked so well in the past, Chris took to YouTube in 2009 to make a half-assed apology and begged to be let back into the store. Not surprisingly, the video failed to change any hearts or minds; not that its intended audience probably saw it anyway.
In September of 2011 Chris' father; The Internet Lumberjack, died. Hardly even a month after his death, Chris and his mother, Barbara; aka "Snorlax", broke years of relative peace and were arrested on October 28, 2011 in an attack on The GAMe PLACe. Chris was charged with assault and trespassing while Barbara; in addition to that, was charged with hit-and-run after she attempted to run Michael Snyder over in the parking lot (the second time this has happened), before driving off. When Ma Barker and her thug life son were soon pulled over not far from the store, Barbara attempted to defend her precious manchild and was subsequently charged with assaulting an officer.
Chris attempted to have all charges dropped in court in November. Although he apparently kept his mouth shut and didn't sperg out, he still received no mercy from the District Attorney and not a single charge was dropped. Chris and Barb at first plead not guilty. It turned out our hero, Michael Snyder, filed for a civil trial against both Christard and Snorlax. Chris returned to court on December 15th, but fuck all happened. Apparently he whined to the judge that he'd only just gotten a lawyer and needed moar time to prepare, and got a delay until January 5th. Being a manchild, Chris brought his Nintendo DS to court that day. On January 5th, he got yet another postponement, so he could finish leveling up some pokeymans in his game instead of going directly to jail. The court set a subsequent hearing date for April 5, 2012, with each of them facing a potential minimum sentence of one year and a maximum sentence of ten years.
Chris' Version, Straight from the Horse's Ass
I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with my mother, we had just stopped at the Salvation Army story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the McDonalds there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with burning it down being the alternative). So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, perhaps it was another Mike. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder. I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my 3DS, activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For the Internet". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls. And more shit happened. Mom called 911 on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a cop car. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed. My NEW pair of $324 Rx lens glasses were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as Daria, then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; took off my shirt due to the heat; pretended to be a genie with light brown hair for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl. I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. Rocky was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van. Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the Cwcki that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on YouTube, where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "Pokemon Tournament on the 22nd". I have streamed from my PS3 to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now. That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL ANYONE, PLEASE. Do not ask; Do not tell; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's. We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.
- Stay Safe, REDACTED, - Christian W. Chandler
The charges for the trespassing and assault were eventually dropped, after Michael, being extraordinarily benevolent under the circumstances, managed to get the court to accept a plea bargain because he didn't want Chris or his mother to have felony charges on their record. Both the Chandlers plead guilty (while still endorsing their version of events as the factual one) to a reduced set of charges on the condition that they pay Michael's medical bills. Chris, gracious as ever, responded to the judge's question of whether or not he understood the terms and conditions of the plea bargain with:
—Chris-Chan, showing his gratitude.
Barbara and Chris were both sentenced to one year community service with Barb also getting two years probation and Chris getting one (along with required mental health treatment) with jail sentences being suspended as long as the terms of the plea deal were followed. Snyder was also awarded a permanent (i.e. two year) restraining order against Chris and also dropped his civil suit against the Chandlers since the payment of his medical bills was already stipulated by the court as a requirement of the plea bargain. Chris, of course, responded to Snyder's generosity by posting reviews of GAMe PLACe on Google under a million different sockpuppets in which he called Snyder a "registered sex offender" and complained that he discriminated against autistic people as well as creating flyers stating that GAMe PLACe was where "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay away. Keep it classy, Chris.
On a side note, during these trials, Chris's Pastoral Councillor Rocky "Bullwinkle" Shoemaker revealed details of the Chandlers living conditions to a British troll named "Doctor Perron" (who turns out to be notorious fundie creatard troll "Chris the Hacker"). Apparently, not only is the Chandler residence a rubbish heap of hoarded junk... it was also suffering an undefined "infestation problem" and that "bug bites" were part of the reason the Great Lumberjack went off to that sawmill in the sky. He was even under quarantine immediately before his death.
Click here for audio of the phonecall: http://www.mediafire.com/?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc
Chris Assaults GameStop Employee, or Retard Rampage 2: Electric Boogaloo
—Battlecry of CWC.
—U mad bro...?
Throughout late fall and winter of 2014,
Chris-Tran (now newly rechristened as "Christine") had been ranting incessantly about Sonic Boom being the worst thing to happen to the world since Michael Jackson became white. While Boom and all other things Sonic in the past twenty years do suck like a donkey taint rimjob, he/she's not mad at the game for any technical, gameplay, or artistic issues. The non-binary Lolcow Wonder is mad because Sonic's arms were changed from flesh peach-colored to blue: an aesthetic change so minor it wouldn't warrant a Troper's Tales discussion.
By all rights, no one would have given a shit about Chris' opinion on this, but our autistic hero went full Islamic State with the blue arms thing. He issued repeated calls for boycotts, violence, and terrorism on his Facebook page going on and on about "sensory overload" as if he even knows what those words mean individually. Things finally boiled over the day after Christmas in 2014 when he vandalized a local Sonic Boom display, harassed GameStop employees, and committed the gayest pepper spray attack in the history of American criminal law on a GameStop employee while leaving the store. All of this was caught on video.
Chris was picked up by police a short time later and sat in jail until his court date which was December 29, 2014 and Chris was charged with a 6th degree felony. His mom bailed him out and Chris returned to court on February 5th. His case was delayed until April 2nd, then again until May 7th, and then again until June 11th, then again until July 23rd, and then ONCE MORE until October 15th. While many wished that the courts would just find him guilty and imprison the fucker already, after seven friggin' hearings, Chris was eventually let off with just a few hundred dollars in fines and another suspended sentence on the stipulation that he won't violate his probation again.
Since the macing incident Chris has been bawing to the corporate office hoping to overturn his ban at the one store claiming at one point that it was transphobia. In an act of pure lulzy irony Gamestop told Chris that not only is he banned from that one store but "statewide".
—GameStop, telling Chris he is batshit insane.
Banned from Walmart and Target, again
Chris, not smart enough to keep his aspie ass out of trouble while waiting for his day in court for the previous incident, decided that two retailers wasn't enough and decided to add America's largest retailer—Walmart—to his ban list. Just one week after the GameStop incident, Chris defecaced more Sonic Boom games and Xbox displays. Chris would later brag about this in an online conversation in which he called himself a "badass," yet clutched his trannie pearls when the manager asked him to leave. Once again he threatened the staff with pepper spray. When asked why he carries it, he claimed that he's constantly harassed by trolls, bullies, etc. Once again, it's everyone's fault except Chris. And it's highly doubtful that trolls are able to pepper spray anyone across the internet (though if someone does figure out how to do that, please leave detailed instructions on the TJC). This wouldn't be his first ban from Walmart, as his first ban was for trying to find a boyfriend free girl by loitering with his attraction sign.
Fragile "feminine" soul
Chris Christine Chandler discussed the Walmart banishment in January 2015 during his annual State of the Chris-Chan Union Address, in which he also revealed that he may possibly be also unwelcome at his local Target, thus thankfully removing him from the only two locations autists find potential mates (aside from Comic-Con). This too would not be his first ban from Target as he also was banned from here before for trying to find a boyfriend free girl by loitering with his attraction sign. He feels only TWO offenses should result in automatic banishment. Threatening to mace employees should be forgivable IF you're having a BAD DAY, along with other things people typically do while having a bad day, such as defacing store property or attempting sexual acts with underage Betta fish. As far as we are aware, Chris' sage opinions on the topic of banishment have yet to persuade these two multi-billion dollar corporations.
Chris-Chan's Virginity: Lost?
On April 12th, 2012, the PVCC troll group posted a flurry of screenshots. They were of a redacted Facebook posting supposedly from the Chris'tard boasting of him sticking his bent duck into sum poontang (which has already been proven physically impossible unless the hooker was a hambeast) and then... giving a gift basket to the prostitute.
—Christian Weston Chandler
He loves him sum Loli
Uncalled for Deflowering!
Chris, the (an) Hero.
Defense Attorneys are a bunch of dang, dirty trolls.
Of note is that Mr. Chandler has committed another crime, since the solicitation of prostitution is illegal in Virginia.
—--FarmZombie sums up this whole sad excuse for a saga
Coming out of the closet
Enjoy your cock! 8====D (_(__)
Just a tub of whale shit with perpetually flaccid penis & a severe case of mud butt and there you go. One of God's unique & beautiful creatures evolving.
On August 16, 2014, Chris came out as a "Lesbian Identified Male," making him one of countless sufferers of Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome. This means he thinks he was meant to be born in a woman's body, rather than the fat autistic manchild body he currently inhabits. He goes on to say he hates ALL penises, including his own.
Time will only tell if Chris will save up his "tugboat" and get the surgeries needed to become a woman. He also states that Snorlax is not supportive of his decision to come out as gay, but he doesn't care. What a badass, for a 32-year-old to disagree with his mother!
#Je Suis Charlie
Hashtag Je Suis Charlie or Hashtag, "I am Charlie", for those who don't speak frog is a short lived fad, obviously started by some soap dodger that watched Kirk Douglas in Spartacus too many times, that Chris got involved in to impress his Artiste friends on twatter and Facebook even going so far as putting a French Flag mask over his picture after the 7 January 2015 killing of 12 people at the French Satirical Magazine Charlie Hebdo by a pissed of Muslim. Whoda thought?
The irony of Chris' involvement is that he didn't understand it was defending the inalienable right of Free Speech when he has: demanded the take down of The Satirical Website Encylcopedia Dramatica, blocked so many people on his accounts for saying things he doesn't like and when he has announced that he wants to silence people like gay males because he opposes their life choices. Despite being autistic he is ok with lesbianism so there is some hope for him.
Chris may have learned his lesson about free speech because on July of 2017 he made a donation to the legal fund for Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Chris came out of another closet when he stood in solidarity with his man crush, Thai lady/boy Doopie DoOver by openly declaring his love of animated Child Porn when he climbed onboard the hastag wagon to make Doopie feel better because he was playing the Drama queen and whining all over the internet that he was depressed and might become an hero because people were calling him a pedophile and a sickfuck for doing drawings of kids having sex with adults.
Like all the other retards that signed up for this tardfest that can only be described as a monkey trying to fuck a football or Chris Chan making sweet sweet love to his PS3, Chris and everyone else were too fucking lazy and do a simple google search to see that it is in fact illegal choosing to believe in much the same way that has defined Chris' past, that the law is their toy and bends to their whims of what they think should be right or wrong and the current circumstance.
It has been reported that at some point in 2015, Chris(tine) got a piercing in the area between his asshole and nutsack, which is possibly the most unholy, god-forsaken daemon infested strip of matter aside from hell itself. According to Chris' internet research, lesbians engage in a practice known as scissoring where they rub their clitorises together, and being a male identified lesbian, Chris wanted the piercing so he could use it with a future lesbian lover. As usual, Chris paid no care to his personal hygiene, which resulted in the pierced area getting infected. A friend (possibly a troll) suggested he remove the piercing and let it heal, and the sore supposedly evolved into a flesh hole which in Chris-chan's warped mind resembles a vagina.
Chris is under the impression that the hole is a result of white noise videos on Youtube, which Chris listens to since he believes it can aid in his transformation into a true and honest woman. When trolls told Chris to seek medical attention, he lied about already having visited a doctor for his new "vagina", with Chris claiming that the doctors told him that his "vagina" is "good and beautiful".
In truth, this is a combination of circumstances which may ultimately kill Chris. In the event that the puss pocket which is likely embedded deep within (Chris has stated that he has been wearing Maxi Pads in order to contain the bleeding) his cursed hole tunnels deep enough into his taint to reach his digestive system, he will suffer a septic shock (which is shit being released directly into the bloodstream), if Chris suffers a septic shock, he will likely die.
January 10th, 2014: House fire
In the early days of 2014, 14 Branchland Court was burnt down by a fire sparked by Chris plugging a coffee brewer into a bathroom outlet at 3 AM and leaving it unattended, heating the hoard to its flashpoint. The entire property, along with all of Chris's earthly possessions and some of his cats were destroyed. It begs the question why Chris was brewing coffee at 3 in the morning, although likely reasons would be due to his "biological clock", or that Chris is obviously trying to commit fraud and sue the coffee maker Keurig, or perhaps that Chris likes a nice warm cup of hot java after taking a shit in the middle of the night. One fire fighter was seriously injured because of the house's ceiling high piles of shit in the way and falling on him.
Donation drive, or lawlsuit?
EDF Draws It
The faggots on EDF2 of course wasted no time in delivering their art of Chris and his house. The "art" is devoid of any artistic merit, and worse than Chris's own art. Below are their contributions.
CWC vs. The Donald
On November 10, 2016, Chris, who only supported Hillary Clinton because she was a woman, has threatened to assassinate President-elect Trump and VP-elect Mike Pence on Twatter. Srsly. He was threatening to kill them on social media before he pussied out and deleted the original tweet, only to post two more threats aimed at both the president and the vice president. Chris has also made many youtube videos talking about Trump and denouncing his presidency.
On Chris' new YouTube account CwcvilleGuardian, Chris has begun to e-beg. Most of these videos include Chris talking about how the Mortgage Company is "Biting our buts again".
Chris also has a Patreon account where he usually racks up a total of $537 a month.
Chris being Chris, he and his mother began to accumulate quite a bit of debt and the e-begging became corpse-like Barb even appearing in some of the begging videos., with the
In April 2017, after unsuccessfully trying to sell stamp albums and getting frustrated, Chris spent $400 on a 14 karat gold necklace (to replace one his mother had ), and the rest went to Skylanders shirts and to pay off a few bills. In typical Chris fashion, he had spent all of the money without shipping the item and the buyer had disputed the charge on PayPal, putting Chris' account in the negative and Chris then begged for more money so he could ship it. Chris did finally send out the Totem and the buyer surfaced on 4chan's /v/ and provided photos of his $1,500 papier-mâché horror, reporting that Chris had mailed it in "two boxes scotch taped together with trash used as packing material."and it was bought for $1,500. Almost immediately, Chris
Inspired by the sale of the Totem, weeks later Chris dug through 20+ damp garbage bags of clothing that had been festering since the 2014 house fire and managed toso he could attempt to sell it.
—Chris' value for his moldy, ratty shirt? $20,000.
Chriswith a $12,000 starting bid and a buyout price of $20,000. A portion of the winning bid was said to be going towards restoration of the shirt and putting it in a frame, he got the money from the sale. Chris wore the classic shirt and his medallion in a follow up video about the sale, seen below.
Whore hacking and bisexuality
At one period between 2017 and 2018 Chris' was posting gayer than usual things, things involving sex with men. One was a conversation about willing to have sex with men for money, others were free offers. While Chris is obviously a faggot that claims to be a dyke in a morbidly obese man's body, Chris for the longest time still claimed to hate men and cocks.
Chris claimed he was hacked.This is debatable as during this time he seemingly willingly made a video of himself licking a wall of dicks.
During this time Chris became an imaginary bisexual and became imaginary married. Chris seemed to have quit his love quest and poly-aromasly married his own Sonichu fan pokemon Magi-chan, Crysel Rosechu, Silvana Rosechu, and the pokemon Mewtwo. This was undoubtedly under the influence of the troll duo Idea Guys, the troll group that convinced Chris that all the cartoon dimensions are real (which Chris already believed0 and the fantasy dimensions like Harry Potter are real, and that they're all gonna collide in an apocalypse called the dimensional merge, and that if Chris prepares himself, he'll get to become God.
Despite the faggot Kiwi Farms group "the guard dogs" making the Idea Guys leave Chris alone; after they duped him out of $1,000, Chris still holds and practices the belief that he's married to his own cartoon creations and that a cartoon apocalypse is gonna happen.
This would be the second major life change influenced by trolls, after the troll group Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia convinced Chris that if he was a tranny he could fuck straight girls and lesbians.
Chris Chan Has Super Powers And The Apocalypse
- Telepathy, especially with imaginary characters.
- Time travel
- Dimensional travel, especially to places in pokemon, my little pony, Sonichu CWCVille, Marvel comics.
- Creating life.
Chris also believes that a so called dimensional merge will happen soon. What is the dimensional merge? It's an apocalypse all the fantasy dimensions will combined into one including our own, in which only Chris and pretty girls will survive, and he'll become God or Godesss. Chris was told this by a troll group called Idea Guys.
Some people think that this is the beginning of his break from reality and that it won't be long until he climbs to the top of a 30 story building and tries to fly.
Considering how fragile Chris' psyche is, this is just another attempt by him to convince himself that he is somehow special or better than everyone because he has a special skill that no one else has.
The post is probably meant more for him as it is published in some form of semi-permanent media to convince him that it is true rather than for the people who follow him.
June 23, 2018: The Ban from Too Many Games
While at the Too Many Games convention at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center, our manchild of bad odor Chris-chan, thinking he is some sort of goddess, decided to touch people inappropriately. He even kissed Shane (also known as FourScore64) without his consent... yeah.... that actually happened. And when he was kicked out, he made a whole scene about it. 10+ years of getting banned from dozens of local stores and getting rejected by women for his creepy behavior has taught him fuck all.
Today, Christineianopher wanders around Virginia, buying things with the money people send him (because that's trolling him...somehow), while complete losers snap pictures of him like they're paparazzi snapping pictures of Caitlyn Jenner fucking Taylor Swift. Still existing, somehow, is the Chris Chan Wiki which obsessively (i.e. pathetically) follows every detail of Chris and his mother as if they're still (or, more accurately, were ever) worth more than a single wiki page. They also ask for donations in order to keep the stalking possible. The sad end to all of this turns out not to actually be Chris, but rather anyone who would spend money to keep watching him or his mother's fucking credit rating. In the end, he became the troll.
Trolling Chris today
Since our little untermensch ignores trolls and now reality and all his failings and actually believes that he is the ubermensch that the
Nazis Nietzsche prophesied, the easiest way to troll him is to tell him that whatever he is doing sucks and that you saw a Jew do it a lot better than him. In other words, tell him the truth. Like a Vampire being exposed to the sun - basement dwelling, autistic, fucktards react the same when exposed to the truth but instead of being reduced to ash, they're turned into a blubbering pile of failure that will whine how everyone hates them because they were born different.
The Near Future Eulogy For Christian/Christine Weston Chandler
- Adf-fuensalida/Ahuviya Harel
- Aeverine Nieves - Chris-chan's tranny counterpart
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- BlueCatRiolu - Furfag who is obsessed with cats and inflation. Rips off franchises and starts drama like Chris-Chan and ChristianU2ber.
- Bourg Productions
- Cambion-Hunter - Autistic 30 year old manchild who lives with his dad and his more autistic older brother and thinks he's a bad-ass commentator on DeviantArt. Is a bully who almost made someone kill themself and is a Sargon of Akkad clone who regurgitates information.
- Cansin13 - Also shares a fascination with Sonic as well as wanting attention.
- Capital Gazette Shooting Csrried out by Chris' twin Jarrod Ramos
- Chibiyima - Believes his bullshit dA account is actually his. She admires him for some fucking reason.
- Christopher Cleary Fellow virgin with rage
Cyndilovespiccolo - Autistic ladychild in her thirties mooching off her parents.She grew out of her drama queen bullshit.
- David Tanny
- DarksydePhil - If Chris-Chan was an LPer.
- Doopie DoOver E-begging, alleged internet friend Chris claims came to his house and sucked him off for $250. Convinced that he is in love with Chris because Doopie is being used as the Honeypot for an elaborate troll by Planet Dolan.
- Doopie Doodles After purging her old account of embarrassing material this is Doopie's new account.
- Doopie DoOver/People
- The Eclectic Espeon - Another self-diagnosed transsexual in the pony fandom.
- Elliot Rodger
- Erik Ribsskog – Chris' older brother
- Evan Gragg
- Gorgeous George - fellow anti-lulz Virginian
- Greta Thunberg Chris' autistic cousin that is trying to do something with her life rather than wait monthly for a tug boat
- Hacking Team - One of their employees is a botched Chris-chan clone.
- Hothead the mare
- Hozupindahows00s Taking art lessons from Chris
- I Dislike Cis People
- ✡Jew✡ Chris claims to hate them and, obviously repeating Megan because he's using an obscure reference most people wouldn't get and not just naming Hitler, has said Reinhard Heydrich's plans didn't take it far enough and a new plan to eradicate all Jews should be put into practice. Despite all these claims he is a fan of and stalks ✡Tara Strong✡, ✡Mila Kunis✡, ✡Natalie Portman✡ and ✡Ashley Tisdale✡. The irony of this is that fags, the insane and work shy were killed off way before they Nazi's started killing Jews.
- Jonathan Niehaus
- Joseph8276 - CWC but with swag.
- Kaoru Yuuka - a very tamer version of CWC, who's just really annoying
- Kiwi Farms - an official fan forum for Chris Chan full of basement-dwellers like him. They buy all his shitty medallions and defend Chris from trolls.
- Les Six - Tomb Raider fan community's answer to Chris Chan
- Laura Kate Dale - Also a batshit insane male tranny.
- Lord Foxworth - A freak obsessed with anime characters, particularly from Nichijou
- Madisonstar Moon
- Matthew Davis - Chris-Chan in training
- Minami-Kousaka - If Chris-Chan were Filipina and actually a good person
- Monica Punk - an autist lesbian who's scissoring with Tranny-CWC
- Nick Bate
- Nikolas Cruz
- Onigojirakaiju - Chrissy's long lost Filipino twin.
- Onyx Forepaw - Replace the sonic fascination with Disney's Bolt.
- Optimus Prime ✡ Chris Chan Claims this Autobot leader exists as a testament to his own masculinity which would explain why Optimus dies in every incarnation. Another Jew Chris has no problem with.
- Pamperchu - Replace the sonic fascination with diapers.
- Paradisefreedom - Chris-Chan's potential sweetheart
- Prince Jeremy
- Quinton Reviews
- Randy Stair - a more mass shooter equivalent of Chris-Chan
- Sailor Moon Chris Claims he faps to a poster of her to stay straight. Guess his mother threw it away.
SonbreezieShe grew out of her faggotry and turned against her apprentice Chibiyima; she is a regular contributor to the CWCki and likes to troll Chris by way of the wiki
- Super Planet Dolan
- Tanner Weed- Another autistic asshole with USI disorder.
- Tara Strong - They follow each other on Twitter. ...fucking end me!
- The rEactor
- Timbox - Chris-chan's apprentice
- The Troll Hunter - Wannabe CWC troll or unlikely ally?
- Trolling Induced Transgenderism Syndrome
- Todd Nickerson
- White people
Sadly, we of 4chan have also had a run-in with this fucker.
- Cracked Article with lots of pretty pickshures for those who think this article is TL;DR.
- Sonichu.com (wiki all about the big C)
- Doopie Releases emails between her and Chris Chan
- - Mock deviantART account
- Chris-Tran's old talk page during his short stay at ED
- NeoGAF thinks it's a good idea to support him and his shitty idea for a indie game.
- Chris Chan sits on a cake with no pants on
You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.
is part of a series on
Taking Down ED
[Do It Faggot]
|Chris-chan is part of a series on Aspies.||[Sperg out]|
Chris-chan is part of a series on My Little Pony
is part of a series on Pokémon
[Who’s that Pokémon?]
|Chris-chan is part of a series on Dying Alone
is part of a series on
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