Due to god hating us all wiki accounts must be manually approved for editing. Reach out to [email protected] for account approvals.



SpaceLawyerBoi.jpeg

⚖️ ED is being sued by a pedophile known as Kevin Mann for $15,000 ⚖️

Check out this link here for details on all fun we're going to have with it.

Chris-chan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
SocialSecuritySeal.PNG This article is paid for by taxpayers like you.
Thanks, America.




Chris-chan Subpage Navigation

The Internets

Sonichu ComicsVideosWikipastaGalleriesReturnsVidya Drama

Chris IRL

PeoplePlacesED Timeline

Virgin with Rage

The Crazy PacerMale LesbianJUUULLLAAY!!1!Caught Fappin'

E-Mail Hax

Email Hax

Sagas

Megan SagaTroll ArchivesThe Real Chris-chanAsperchuTomgirl


He's dressed like this in public and near women too, Doesn't he look like a morbidly obese bender?
I NAME IS NOT IAN BRANNAN SOMETHING!!!
Is there a difference? I can't see it.
The new and "HARDLY improved" cross-dressing, stinky, shaved-beard-lady Chris-chan in 2014, M'laaaaaydeeeeeess!
Chris-tran, A.K.A CWC-Boy Super Liberal Social-Media Degenerate Edition!
   
 
Behold: The Mistake of God!
 

 
 

— The World

Chris-Chan (Real name: Christine Weston Chandler; originally Christian Weston Chandler and Christopher Weston Chandler at his birth to age 11, but more popularly known as "That Fat, Retarded, Degenerate, Transgender Fuck"; b. February 24, 1982: Age 38) is a fat, stupid, perverted, supposedly 'christian', SEVERELY autistic, basement-dwelling, liberal, tranny-loving, transgender, pedophile, self-proclaimed (ex-) "virgin with rage", degenerate manchild, and creator of his own 'skillfully-written' as well as skillfully-drawn series of comics starring an illegal, Yank-made bootlegged version of the blue blur called "Sonichu": his supremely retarded hybrid of Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog.

The most notable physical characteristic of Chris, beyond the obvious morbid corpulence, and his insane tranny operations that only succeeded in giving him a pair of pendulous french-fries-with-soy-sauce induced man boobs, is that he wears a medallion made out of crayola FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC and acrylic paint at all times in homage to his yellow Sonic re-color. In public. As if that weren't lame enough, Chris-chan actually has a shitload of medallions: The blachu, and the "Rosechu" medallion (which he planned on giving to his sweetheart), suggesting that he has far too much free time on his hands. Which, of course, he does, because who the fuck would sit around on their fat ass all day coloring-in comic book pages if they had anything better to do with their lives?

Eventually, after years of trolling, Chris began asking for donations from people to continue his projects. The hapless retards of the net—idiotically thinking that sending Chris cash was "milking the lolcow"—actually began complying with these requests and sending him upwards of $100 and calling it "trolling." It seems that, in the end, Chris actually became the troll by milking countless dipshits out of their monies... This is why you shouldn't let your autistic children on the internet.

The Beginning

   
 
Chris. Chris. All alone he'll sit. Chris. Chris. Can't get no tit.
 

 
 

—Rhyme made up by girls to taunt Chris in High School

Our journey begins in 2007 when Sonichu was first discovered on 4chan. Intrigued by what kind of feeble, autistic mind could create such a thing, the users tracked down Chris and all his associated online accounts. Chris established his lolcow status immediately when people discovered a rambling video of him from earlier that year, containing a wide variety of content such as why smoking and drinking are bad, how girls should use Transformers action figures to seduce boys, and—in what would become extremely ironic years later—how heterosexuality and binary gender roles are an absolute must. The video also confirmed his delusional status as he described it as educational and hoped it would be played in at least two schools. Throughout the entire video Chris proudly wears a Sonichu necklace, which would eventually become well known as the unofficial sign of autism of the internet.

The Video That Started It All


CWC vs. ED

How do I use preview button?
He took two HTML classes...
...and it shows!
Basically everyone's reaction to chris' severely retarded actions.
CWCAnniversarybanner.jpg

Chris' newly created e-infamy, of course, drew the attention of Encyclopedia Dramatica and an article was promptly written about him. Chris discovered his article and decided to follow the same track he did with 4chan and confronting ED rather than simply ignoring it. At first, Chris tried tampering with his article while logged in as "Reldnahc" which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Next; Chris not understanding the context of the article and the nature of ED, made a plea video to ED and the internet to not misunderstand him. Next, before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan “shattered his heart”, and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash: a shitty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.

To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters.

Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account and tried blanking the page several times. CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Just another lying attempt to make ED feel troll's remorse. Chris then uploaded a video to YouTube in which he congratulated all of his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.

Chris' plea for his fans to not donate to ED flopped because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal on August 14, 2008.

Later, Chrissy would post yet another video to the tubes demanding that the page and discussion page be deleted, or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his ten fans to enjoy. He then stated that much like the old adage: "Too many cooks spoil the broth", ED had too many CROOKS. And that "every single word on his ED page was a crook".

After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then Hulked the fuck out and proceeded to beat the shit out of a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of Clyde Cash taped to its face, and that more RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page wasn't taken down posthaste.

The beast can be unleashed here (or not, it has since been baleeted). Even youlube.cum doesn't want him on their site.

So, before we go any further, you have to be wondering: Who the fuck is this guy? Don't worry, you've come to the right place for answers.

Chris-Chan: A brief history of The (Former) Man

"CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS- THEY WILL NOT HEE-ALLL"
Megan shows us how pleasant an experience it truly is being in the presence of Mr. Weston Chandler. Note the fear in her eyes.
Chris is totally NOT GAY!!!

Chris was born Christopher Weston Chandler in Charlottesville, Virginia to parents Bob and Barabara Chandler; age 54 and 40 respectively, and raised in Ruckersville, Virginia. Chris was diagnosed with the severe, devastating, highly contagious and once rare Pink Guy Disease as a young child, a diagnosis that would prove itself to be absolutely true when he had his first name 'legally' changed to Christian by an animatronic bug-eyed bear in 1994 after hearing him; possibly a pedophile) mispronounce it [1]. An article in the local paper about the name change accurately described the then 11-year-old Chris' social development as being that of a seven or eight-year-old (it would never change from that point). Chris did, however, manage to graduate from his final compulsory secular facility and even got an associate degree in computer aided drafting and design from a local run-down community college. To this day he's never used that degree, as his crippling PGD would cause him severe confusion for rapidly changing tech, and if potential employer would criticize him for sloppy work, Chris would flip out.

Given the quality of his later work, it appears that Virginia community colleges baffle science and academia by being somehow shittier than what people would already believe a "Virginia community college" to be. Aside from earning his useless associate's degree, he earned his first ban as he got expelled for posting creepy as fuck posters that advertised for "cute single 18-21 year old female companions" with pictures of Sonichu on them (and displaying his homophobia by also telling men seeing the sign to "MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!").

On MySpace, (yes, this story begins a long time ago), Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" — a euphemism Chris's created with his bastardized high school Spanish interpretation, with "novio" which essentially means boyfriend, before the Greek root phobia, committing a facepalm-worthy portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his dead father, because they "took all the pretty girls leaving [him] with no one to choose from". To this day, Chris's hatred for males has only become bigger since he became a transgender degenerate wanker whose sickly 'conservative' mother only condones and supports his extreme perversion.


   
 
Where did it start? I started when my life-long friend, Sarah Hammer, a very pretty girl, was taken away from me by this Magician Jerk, Wes Iseli. At first, I was naive about their relationship. Later on, in spring of 2003, I tried to pick up a girl in a class I was taking at Piedmont Virginia Community College, but she told me right-off, that SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND! And it was like that with every other girl who I talked to since then. Thus, I developed my Noviophobia(mentioned above).
 

 
 

—Chris-chan spills the beans, I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion.


Mary Lee Walsh in real life.

He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, Mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, and tore down his signs. When Walsh sat down with Chris and told him he couldn't act like a horny retard on campus like that, Chris threw a temper-tantrum in front of her and use his imaginary autistic powers to fire a "curse-yehameha" wave (a retarded combination of a curse and the kamehameha wave from DBZ) at her. She banned him from the school for a year and made him get therapy before he came back. Since then, he has become obsessed with her and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter to contain her evil anti-love powers, and occasionally a broomstick. Because Chris can't draw she appears as a blonde witch with devil horns, which trolls have depicted as a sexy blonde devil woman. We all know he fantasizes about having sex with her with a broomstick in his ass.

Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious YouTube Favicon.png video asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous porn of her, due to the fact that he secretly wants to diddle her poo hole. You know you want to see it.

Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center, his local Target and local Walmart. He was once handcuffed and kicked out of Target by Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl" by loitering with a retarded attraction sign asking girls of his qualifications to talk to him. He was then also kicked out of the mall and walmart; without arrest this time, for the same exact thing.

Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest because he wants a daughter whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). He made her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pubic hair, mind you), and made a separate file in the game Animal Crossing, and played as her.

The person we know the most about is and was the only real woman in his life was Megan Schroeder who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.

One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed here.

Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" around 50 times.

Trolling

Autistic flirting techniques.

For more details on the hall of Chris-chan trolling, see here and here.

The Trolling of Chris-chan has gone on for more than a decade. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho loser he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.

  • The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when anon took several photos of him. See here for Chris QQing.
  • An old classmate of Chris from speech therapy, Joshua Martinez, trolled Chris by making him believe Vanessa Hudgens was a friend of his and pretended to date Chris online as her.
  • Hanna, an IRL cunt, pranked Chris with the promise of a fake date. CLICK HERE to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%.
  • When Chris tried to win a video game contest to win a trip to Washington in an attempt to rape Megan, an unwitting Adam Stackhouse cockblocked him by winning.
  • Some guy pretended to be some retired Eurofag soccer player named Jimmy Hill and claimed to have stolen Sonichu and made him gay.
  • Troll extraordinaire Clyde Cash fucked with Chris by: claiming to have raped and killed his internet girlfriends, hacking into his e-mail accounts, hacking and stealing his PSN account, holding secret legion of doom troll meetings on IRC and Mumble for Chris to join, convincing Chris to dry hump and destroy his PlayStation 3 for over $9000.
  • Some fag pretended to be a girl who went by Panda Halo. Basically influenced Chris' comics. Clyde Cash raped her, then she died in a fire in Australia.
  • A literal 13-year old boy who called himself Julie pretended to be Chris' girlfriend and had phone sex with Chris and convinced him to film himself fucking a blow-up doll. Many agreed he took it way to far by making Chris cry and making Chris shove jagged broken pieces of his medallion up his ass.
  • A troll named Ivy just pretended to be a nice girlfriend and milked a few creepy ass videos out of Chris. She ended things by killing herself.
  • Some troll pretended to be Miyamoto and Reggie Fils-aime and told Chris they'd make Sonichu into a video game. Chris showed how incompetent he is and the troll called Chris a loser and called the game off.
  • A guy who just started out by making Chris-chan impersonation videos for his friends, later became Liquid Chris; a troll that simply pretended to be Chris-chan and the true creator of Sonichu. His pretend; later IRL wife Kacey, fucked with Chris by pretending to be torn between the two over who she wanted to be with. At the very end Kacey's troll ex-marine father has a 2 hour conversation with Chris in which he forces Chris to face reality and answer for his existence.
  • A guy named Matthew Noble pretended to be a GamePlace employee and called Chris' parents to inform them of his misadventures.
  • A man going by Alec Benson Leary copied the Sonichu comics but made everyone have Aspergers.
  • A guy pretending to be a Hawaiian named Surfshack Tito fucked with Chris by stealing his Playstation stuff and pretending to fuck his internet girlfriends. This causes Chris to say NIGGER on camera.
  • A girl going by Jackie found Chris on a dating site and "trolls" him by nagging him to eat healthy, get a job, and exercise. Chris ends the relationship because he's a fatass. Chris also ends up doing Blackface on camera.
  • The last woman as of yet went by Catherine, really just gets information out of him.
  • A IRL group of faggy underage teenagers that lived near Chris called themselves Teen Troon Squad. They smoked weed with Chris and played off his autism and gullibility to put even more delusion ideas in his/her head. At this point the site Kiwi Farms suffers a gigantic black cock size amount of troll remorse and now they follow and hack Chris' e-mails and other online accounts to find out who he talks to and dox (would be) trolls to make them leave Chris alone. They call themselves "The Guard dogs"
  • Two guys known as the Ideas Guys fucked with Chris' psyche hard by making him believe he can really travel to his imaginary Sonichu world, My Little Pony world and any world. They convince him there's a dimensional apocalypse coming where all the cartoon and fantasy dimensions will collide and if he prepares he'll become God. These guys were doxxed and reported to the police by the faggy Guarddogs because the Idea Guys duped Chris out of $6,000.
  • Some disgusting middle-age basement dwelling furfag named Jacob Sockness convinced Chris to be his friend and hopeful lover and tells him the dimensional merge will happen if him and Chris have sex. It goes so far that Jacob buys a plane ticket to visit Chris, but Chris then says no.

Chris the Jailbird, Retard Rampage

The GAMe PLACe (later known as Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys and defunct as of June 2014) was a comic, gaming, and hobby store located in Charlottesville, Virginia where Chris played Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and other games that the DSM-5 officially lists as autism spectrum disorder symptoms. Chris was a regular for many years (always showing up wearing his Sonichu medallion) where he became well known for scaring little kids, throwing bitch-fits when he lost (which other regulars say was often), and threatening to fight other patrons (who apparently did not simply beat his ass down because they found him to pathetic). It was also here that Chris met the ill-fated Megan Schroeder. Although he had received a temporary ban before, Chris eventually found himself permabanned in 2008 after getting into a racist screaming match with a black child. Despite intervention from his long suffering parents, neither of them were able to convince manager Michael Snyder to allow him back into the store.

As it had worked so well in the past, Chris took to YouTube in 2009 to make a half-assed apology and begged to be let back into the store. Not surprisingly, the video failed to change any hearts or minds; not that its intended audience probably saw it anyway.

Severe high functioning Autism Speaks


In September of 2011 Chris' father; The Internet Lumberjack, died. Hardly even a month after his death, Chris and his mother, Barbara; aka "Snorlax", broke years of relative peace and were arrested on October 28, 2011 in an attack on The GAMe PLACe. Chris was charged with assault and trespassing while Barbara; in addition to that, was charged with hit-and-run after she attempted to run Michael Snyder over in the parking lot (the second time this has happened), before driving off. When Ma Barker and her thug life son were soon pulled over not far from the store, Barbara attempted to defend her precious manchild and was subsequently charged with assaulting an officer.

Chris attempted to have all charges dropped in court in November. Although he apparently kept his mouth shut and didn't sperg out, he still received no mercy from the District Attorney and not a single charge was dropped. Chris and Barb at first plead not guilty. It turned out our hero, Michael Snyder, filed for a civil trial against both Christard and Snorlax. Chris returned to court on December 15th, but fuck all happened. Apparently he whined to the judge that he'd only just gotten a lawyer and needed moar time to prepare, and got a delay until January 5th. Being a manchild, Chris brought his Nintendo DS to court that day. On January 5th, he got yet another postponement, so he could finish leveling up some pokeymans in his game instead of going directly to jail. The court set a subsequent hearing date for April 5, 2012, with each of them facing a potential minimum sentence of one year and a maximum sentence of ten years.


Chris' Version, Straight from the Horse's Ass

I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with my mother, we had just stopped at the Salvation Army story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked
to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the McDonalds there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with burning it down being the alternative).

So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, perhaps it was another Mike. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder.

I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my 3DS, activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For the Internet". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls.

And more shit happened. Mom called 911 on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a cop car. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.

My NEW pair of $324 Rx lens glasses were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as Daria, then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; took off my shirt due to the heat; pretended to be a genie with light brown hair for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk
to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. Rocky was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van.

Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the Cwcki that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on YouTube, where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "Pokemon Tournament on the 22nd".

I have streamed from my PS3 to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now.

That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL
ANYONE, PLEASE. Do not ask; Do not tell; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's.

We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.
- Stay Safe, REDACTED,
- Christian W. Chandler

The Verdict

The grand jury in Chris' case.

The charges for the trespassing and assault were eventually dropped, after Michael, being extraordinarily benevolent under the circumstances, managed to get the court to accept a plea bargain because he didn't want Chris or his mother to have felony charges on their record. Both the Chandlers plead guilty (while still endorsing their version of events as the factual one) to a reduced set of charges on the condition that they pay Michael's medical bills. Chris, gracious as ever, responded to the judge's question of whether or not he understood the terms and conditions of the plea bargain with:


   
 
Yes, but I don't think that thieving liar deserves a red cent!
 

 
 

—Chris-Chan, showing his gratitude.

Barbara and Chris were both sentenced to one year community service with Barb also getting two years probation and Chris getting one (along with required mental health treatment) with jail sentences being suspended as long as the terms of the plea deal were followed. Snyder was also awarded a permanent (i.e. two year) restraining order against Chris and also dropped his civil suit against the Chandlers since the payment of his medical bills was already stipulated by the court as a requirement of the plea bargain. Chris, of course, responded to Snyder's generosity by posting reviews of GAMe PLACe on Google under a million different sockpuppets in which he called Snyder a "registered sex offender" and complained that he discriminated against autistic people as well as creating flyers stating that GAMe PLACe was where "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay away. Keep it classy, Chris.

On a side note, during these trials, Chris's Pastoral Councillor Rocky "Bullwinkle" Shoemaker revealed details of the Chandlers living conditions to a British troll named "Doctor Perron" (who turns out to be notorious fundie creatard troll "Chris the Hacker"). Apparently, not only is the Chandler residence a rubbish heap of hoarded junk... it was also suffering an undefined "infestation problem" and that "bug bites" were part of the reason the Great Lumberjack went off to that sawmill in the sky. He was even under quarantine immediately before his death.
Click here for audio of the phonecall: http://www.mediafire.com/?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc

Chris Assaults GameStop Employee, or Retard Rampage 2: Electric Boogaloo

Chris expertly masks his butthurt long enough for this mug shot.
Chris and SJWs everywhere aren't going to like the 'male' designation here.
We'd like to remind everyone that this is what our autistic friend got arrested over.
   
 
Don't call ANYBODY!
 

 
 

—Battlecry of CWC.

Keep reading for incredible mental gymnastics.


Sonic Boom referencing the incident in an entire episode dedicated to making fun of Chris-Chan.
   
 
SONIC'S ARMS ARE NOT BLUE, AND THEY SERIOUSLY CAUSE SENSORY OVERLOADS IN ME!!! SEGA NEEDS TO RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!
 

 
 

—U mad bro...?

Throughout late fall and winter of 2014, Chris-Tran (now newly rechristened as "Christine") had been ranting incessantly about Sonic Boom being the worst thing to happen to the world since Michael Jackson became white. While Boom and all other things Sonic in the past twenty years do suck like a donkey taint rimjob, he/she's not mad at the game for any technical, gameplay, or artistic issues. The non-binary Lolcow Wonder is mad because Sonic's arms were changed from flesh peach-colored to blue: an aesthetic change so minor it wouldn't warrant a Troper's Tales discussion.

By all rights, no one would have given a shit about Chris' opinion on this, but our autistic hero went full Islamic State with the blue arms thing. He issued repeated calls for boycotts, violence, and terrorism on his Facebook page going on and on about "sensory overload" as if he even knows what those words mean individually. Things finally boiled over the day after Christmas in 2014 when he vandalized a local Sonic Boom display, harassed GameStop employees, and committed the gayest pepper spray attack in the history of American criminal law on a GameStop employee while leaving the store. All of this was caught on video.

Chris was picked up by police a short time later and sat in jail until his court date which was December 29, 2014 and Chris was charged with a 6th degree felony. His mom bailed him out and Chris returned to court on February 5th. His case was delayed until April 2nd, then again until May 7th, and then again until June 11th, then again until July 23rd, and then ONCE MORE until October 15th. While many wished that the courts would just find him guilty and imprison the fucker already, after seven friggin' hearings, Chris was eventually let off with just a few hundred dollars in fines and another suspended sentence on the stipulation that he won't violate his probation again.

Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their \M/ETAL cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day.


SonicTrollsChrisChan.jpg
Chris Chan PermaBanned From Game Stop.jpg

Since the macing incident Chris has been bawing to the corporate office hoping to overturn his ban at the one store claiming at one point that it was transphobia. In an act of pure lulzy irony Gamestop told Chris that not only is he banned from that one store but "statewide".


   
 
We take the safety of our employees and customer base very seriously and believe that the precedence set by your previous behavior and the threatening tone of your letter towards one of our valued employees unfortunately indicates a high likelihood of future conflict. I have enclosed a complete list of GameStop retail stores where you are no longer permitted entry for your convenience. Please be aware that our employees will be instructed to contact local law enforcement for immediate intervention if you should enter the premises at any of these locations.
 

 
 

—GameStop, telling Chris he is batshit insane.

Banned from Walmart and Target, again

Chris, not smart enough to keep his aspie ass out of trouble while waiting for his day in court for the previous incident, decided that two retailers wasn't enough and decided to add America's largest retailer—Walmart—to his ban list. Just one week after the GameStop incident, Chris defecaced more Sonic Boom games and Xbox displays. Chris would later brag about this in an online conversation in which he called himself a "badass," yet clutched his trannie pearls when the manager asked him to leave. Once again he threatened the staff with pepper spray. When asked why he carries it, he claimed that he's constantly harassed by trolls, bullies, etc. Once again, it's everyone's fault except Chris. And it's highly doubtful that trolls are able to pepper spray anyone across the internet (though if someone does figure out how to do that, please leave detailed instructions on the TJC). This wouldn't be his first ban from Walmart, as his first ban was for trying to find a boyfriend free girl by loitering with his attraction sign.

Yeah, those darn "Trolling Stupid Manajerks."

Fragile "feminine" soul Chris Christine Chandler discussed the Walmart banishment in January 2015 during his annual State of the Chris-Chan Union Address, in which he also revealed that he may possibly be also unwelcome at his local Target, thus thankfully removing him from the only two locations autists find potential mates (aside from Comic-Con). This too would not be his first ban from Target as he also was banned from here before for trying to find a boyfriend free girl by loitering with his attraction sign. He feels only TWO offenses should result in automatic banishment. Threatening to mace employees should be forgivable IF you're having a BAD DAY, along with other things people typically do while having a bad day, such as defacing store property or attempting sexual acts with underage Betta fish. As far as we are aware, Chris' sage opinions on the topic of banishment have yet to persuade these two multi-billion dollar corporations.

I guess you do "gun withdrawals" at the "gun ATM."


Moar Chris-Chan Prison Adventure Fun About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Chris-Chan's Virginity: Lost?

On April 12th, 2012, the PVCC troll group posted a flurry of screenshots. They were of a redacted Facebook posting supposedly from the Chris'tard boasting of him sticking his bent duck into sum poontang (which has already been proven physically impossible unless the hooker was a hambeast) and then... giving a gift basket to the prostitute.


   
 
Oh, I forgot to mention, she Really Enjoyed my dick; it was soo big and good, that it put the last dude she was with to shame; Her Words.
 

 
 

—Christian Weston Chandler

Of note is that Mr. Chandler has committed another crime, since the solicitation of prostitution is illegal in Virginia.


   
 
Either Chris lied or lost his virginity to a hooker. Neither are things worth bragging about.
 

 
 

—--FarmZombie sums up this whole sad excuse for a saga

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


 
 
"You Trolls Got SERVED!!"
 

 

Coming out of the closet

That's a penis.gif
Anyone up for a round of the crying game?

Chris-chan is actually a tranny.

     Enjoy your cock!   8====D (_(__)



This is what bull-dykes with broken cocks look like.
{{{1}}}
Didn't see that coming.


   
 
Let me get this straight. Chris is a woman trapped in a man's body but that woman is a lesbian and so he's still attracted to women? Then why all the desire for a sex change. Doesn't he already have the source of a lesbian's envy? Why does he want to cut it off and only have sex toys to play with?
 

 
 

—Ha Gibor

Just a tub of whale shit with perpetually flaccid penis & a severe case of mud butt and there you go. One of God's unique & beautiful creatures evolving.

On August 16, 2014, Chris came out as a "Lesbian Identified Male," making him one of countless sufferers of Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome. This means he thinks he was meant to be born in a woman's body, rather than the fat autistic manchild body he currently inhabits. He goes on to say he hates ALL penises, including his own.

Time will only tell if Chris will save up his "tugboat" and get the surgeries needed to become a woman. He also states that Snorlax is not supportive of his decision to come out as gay, but he doesn't care. What a badass, for a 32-year-old to disagree with his mother!


#Je Suis Charlie

Hashtag Je Suis Charlie or Hashtag, "I am Charlie", for those who don't speak frog is a short lived fad, obviously started by some soap dodger that watched Kirk Douglas in Spartacus too many times, that Chris got involved in to impress his Artiste friends on twatter and Facebook even going so far as putting a French Flag mask over his picture after the 7 January 2015 killing of 12 people at the French Satirical Magazine Charlie Hebdo by a pissed of Muslim. Whoda thought?
The irony of Chris' involvement is that he didn't understand it was defending the inalienable right of Free Speech when he has: demanded the take down of The Satirical Website Encylcopedia Dramatica, blocked so many people on his accounts for saying things he doesn't like and when he has announced that he wants to silence people like gay males because he opposes their life choices. Despite being autistic he is ok with lesbianism so there is some hope for him.
Chris may have learned his lesson about free speech because on July of 2017 he made a donation to the legal fund for Encyclopedia Dramatica.

#IStandWithDoopie

Chris came out of another closet when he stood in solidarity with his man crush, Thai lady/boy Doopie DoOver by openly declaring his love of animated Child Porn when he climbed onboard the hastag wagon to make Doopie feel better because he was playing the Drama queen and whining all over the internet that he was depressed and might become an hero because people were calling him a pedophile and a sickfuck for doing drawings of kids having sex with adults.
Like all the other retards that signed up for this tardfest that can only be described as a monkey trying to fuck a football or Chris Chan making sweet sweet love to his PS3, Chris and everyone else were too fucking lazy and do a simple google search to see that it is in fact illegal choosing to believe in much the same way that has defined Chris' past, that the law is their toy and bends to their whims of what they think should be right or wrong and the current circumstance.

The Vagina

Chris facebook insanity.jpg

It has been reported that at some point in 2015, Chris(tine) got a piercing in the area between his asshole and nutsack, which is possibly the most unholy, god-forsaken daemon infested strip of matter aside from hell itself. According to Chris' internet research, lesbians engage in a practice known as scissoring where they rub their clitorises together, and being a male identified lesbian, Chris wanted the piercing so he could use it with a future lesbian lover. As usual, Chris paid no care to his personal hygiene, which resulted in the pierced area getting infected. A friend (possibly a troll) suggested he remove the piercing and let it heal, and the sore supposedly evolved into a flesh hole which in Chris-chan's warped mind resembles a vagina.

according to Nostradamus, the 3rd antichrist shall spawn from this cavity

Chris is under the impression that the hole is a result of white noise videos on Youtube, which Chris listens to since he believes it can aid in his transformation into a true and honest woman. When trolls told Chris to seek medical attention, he lied about already having visited a doctor for his new "vagina", with Chris claiming that the doctors told him that his "vagina" is "good and beautiful".

In truth, this is a combination of circumstances which may ultimately kill Chris. In the event that the puss pocket which is likely embedded deep within (Chris has stated that he has been wearing Maxi Pads in order to contain the bleeding) his cursed hole tunnels deep enough into his taint to reach his digestive system, he will suffer a septic shock (which is shit being released directly into the bloodstream), if Chris suffers a septic shock, he will likely die.

breaking news

January 10th, 2014: House fire

In the early days of 2014, 14 Branchland Court was burnt down by a fire sparked by Chris plugging a coffee brewer into a bathroom outlet at 3 AM and leaving it unattended, heating the hoard to its flashpoint. The entire property, along with all of Chris's earthly possessions and some of his cats were destroyed. It begs the question why Chris was brewing coffee at 3 in the morning, although likely reasons would be due to his "biological clock", or that Chris is obviously trying to commit fraud and sue the coffee maker Keurig, or perhaps that Chris likes a nice warm cup of hot java after taking a shit in the middle of the night. One fire fighter was seriously injured because of the house's ceiling high piles of shit in the way and falling on him.




 
 
The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn, burn motherfucker, burn.
 

 

—Chris's neighbor

EDF Draws It

The faggots on EDF2 of course wasted no time in delivering their art of Chris and his house. The "art" is devoid of any artistic merit, and worse than Chris's own art. Below are their contributions.

BURN BURN BURN About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
Attached letter

CWC vs. The Donald

On November 10, 2016, Chris, who only supported Hillary Clinton because she was a woman, has threatened to assassinate President-elect Trump and VP-elect Mike Pence on Twatter. Srsly. He was threatening to kill them on social media before he pussied out and deleted the original tweet, only to post two more threats aimed at both the president and the vice president. Chris has also made many youtube videos talking about Trump and denouncing his presidency.

E-Begging

On Chris' new YouTube account CwcvilleGuardian, Chris has begun to e-beg. Most of these videos include Chris talking about how the Mortgage Company is "Biting our buts again".

Chris also has a Patreon account where he usually racks up a total of $537 a month.

Chris being Chris, he and his mother began to accumulate quite a bit of debt and the e-begging became Archive today-ico.png more and more desperate, with the corpse-like Barb even appearing in some of the begging videos.

In April 2017, after unsuccessfully trying to sell stamp albums and getting frustrated, Chris Archive today-ico.png listed his Sonic Totem on eBay and it was bought for $1,500. Almost immediately, Chris spent $400 on a 14 karat gold necklace (to replace one his mother had Archive today-ico.png pawned), and the rest went to Skylanders shirts and to pay off a few bills. In typical Chris fashion, he had spent all of the money without shipping the item and the buyer had disputed the charge on PayPal, putting Chris' account in the negative and Chris then begged for more money so he could ship it. Chris did finally send out the Totem and the buyer surfaced on 4chan's /v/ and provided photos of his $1,500 papier-mâché horror, reporting that Chris had mailed it in "two boxes scotch taped together with trash used as packing material."

Inspired by the sale of the Totem, weeks later Chris dug through 20+ damp garbage bags of clothing that had been festering since the 2014 house fire and managed to Archive today-ico.png find his Classic shirt so he could attempt to sell it.


   
 
I previously stated that I lost the iconic shirt in the house Fire of January 10, 2017. Actually, that shirt was Not totally lost in that fire; to my recollection, it was in a mountain pile of laundry in the laundry room. So, more accurately, it was in one of the black bags down here. I have just dug through the dirty half of those bags, more than ten or twenty of them. Then, in a bag of damp ones, I found the shirt. I took a photo; part of the selling amount will go to better restoring the shirt; I am personally putting it through a page or two in my washer and dryer. Only after sale of the relic, I will be able to afford having it restored to its glory, and I will frame it and add a personal Certificate of Authenticity, before shipping it. Thank you.
 

 
 

—Chris' value for his moldy, ratty shirt? $20,000.

Chris Archive today-ico.png listed the shirt on eBay with a $12,000 starting bid and a buyout price of $20,000. A portion of the winning bid was said to be going towards restoration of the shirt and putting it in a frame, Archive today-ico.png after he got the money from the sale. Chris wore the classic shirt and his medallion in a follow up video about the sale, seen below.


Whore hacking and bisexuality

ChrisChanSexForMoney.png
1chrissuxdix111.png

At one period between 2017 and 2018 Chris' was posting gayer than usual things, things involving sex with men. One was a conversation about willing to have sex with men for money, others were free offers. While Chris is obviously a faggot that claims to be a dyke in a morbidly obese man's body, Chris for the longest time still claimed to hate men and cocks.

Chris claimed he was hacked.This is debatable as during this time he seemingly willingly made a video of himself licking a wall of dicks.


During this time Chris became an imaginary bisexual and became imaginary married. Chris seemed to have quit his love quest and poly-aromasly married his own Sonichu fan pokemon Magi-chan, Crysel Rosechu, Silvana Rosechu, and the pokemon Mewtwo. This was undoubtedly under the influence of the troll duo Idea Guys, the troll group that convinced Chris that all the cartoon dimensions are real (which Chris already believed0 and the fantasy dimensions like Harry Potter are real, and that they're all gonna collide in an apocalypse called the dimensional merge, and that if Chris prepares himself, he'll get to become God.

Despite the faggot Kiwi Farms group "the guard dogs" making the Idea Guys leave Chris alone; after they duped him out of $1,000, Chris still holds and practices the belief that he's married to his own cartoon creations and that a cartoon apocalypse is gonna happen.

This would be the second major life change influenced by trolls, after the troll group Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia convinced Chris that if he was a tranny he could fuck straight girls and lesbians.

Chris Chan Has Super Powers And The Apocalypse

Chris is convinced he has super powers.

Recently, everyone's favorite virgin with rage from Virginia has become convinced that his autism makes him the chosen one with super powers. These super powers include:

  • Telepathy, especially with imaginary characters.
  • Time travel
  • Dimensional travel, especially to places in pokemon, my little pony, Sonichu CWCVille, Marvel comics.
  • Creating life.

Chris also believes that a so called dimensional merge will happen soon. What is the dimensional merge? It's an apocalypse all the fantasy dimensions will combined into one including our own, in which only Chris and pretty girls will survive, and he'll become God or Godesss. Chris was told this by a troll group called Idea Guys. Some people think that this is the beginning of his break from reality and that it won't be long until he climbs to the top of a 30 story building and tries to fly.
Considering how fragile Chris' psyche is, this is just another attempt by him to convince himself that he is somehow special or better than everyone because he has a special skill that no one else has.
The post is probably meant more for him as it is published in some form of semi-permanent media to convince him that it is true rather than for the people who follow him.

June 23, 2018: The Ban from Too Many Games

While at the Too Many Games convention at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center, our manchild of bad odor Chris-chan, thinking he is some sort of goddess, decided to touch people inappropriately. He even kissed Shane (also known as FourScore64) without his consent... yeah.... that actually happened. And when he was kicked out, he made a whole scene about it. 10+ years of getting banned from dozens of local stores and getting rejected by women for his creepy behavior has taught him fuck all.

Present

People actually follow this shemale around, srs.

Today, Christineianopher wanders around Virginia, buying things with the money people send him (because that's trolling him...somehow), while complete losers snap pictures of him like they're paparazzi snapping pictures of Caitlyn Jenner fucking Taylor Swift. Still existing, somehow, is the Chris Chan Wiki which obsessively (i.e. pathetically) follows every detail of Chris and his mother as if they're still (or, more accurately, were ever) worth more than a single wiki page. They also ask for donations in order to keep the stalking possible. The sad end to all of this turns out not to actually be Chris, but rather anyone who would spend money to keep watching him or his mother's fucking credit rating. In the end, he became the troll.

Trolling Chris today

Since our little untermensch ignores trolls and now reality and all his failings and actually believes that he is the ubermensch that the Nazis Nietzsche prophesied, the easiest way to troll him is to tell him that whatever he is doing sucks and that you saw a Jew do it a lot better than him. In other words, tell him the truth. Like a Vampire being exposed to the sun - basement dwelling, autistic, fucktards react the same when exposed to the truth but instead of being reduced to ash, they're turned into a blubbering pile of failure that will whine how everyone hates them because they were born different.

The Near Future Eulogy For Christian/Christine Weston Chandler

Chrisanhero.png
   
 
Vesti La Giubba From Pagliacci sung by Mario Lanza
 

 
 

—Pagliacci

   
 
Vesti La Giubba From Pagliacci sung by Mario Lanza
 

 
 

—Ha Gibor

   
 
I declaim! While taken with delirium,

I do not know what I am saying, or what I am doing! Yet it is necessary, I must force myself! Bah! Are you not a man? (Laughs at self) Thou art Pagliacci (a clown)!

Put on your costume and apply make up to your face. The people pay, and they want to laugh. And if Harlequin invites away Colombina, laugh Pagliaccio (clown) and everyone will applaud! Turn the spasms and tears into jokes, The tears and pain into grimaces, Ah!

Laugh, Pagliaccio (clown), your love is broken! Laugh of the pain, that poisons your heart!
 


 
 

Other Videos

See Also

Chris wearing his mother's undergarments.
Gormley-Chan

External Links

Sadly, we of 4chan have also had a run-in with this fucker.

Lolcow.png
ATTENTION!
The subject of this article is a lolcow, and is currently ripe for milking.
You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.


Nagasaki.jpg
Chris-chan

is part of a series on

Taking Down ED

[Retreat!Do It Faggot]

Born to Kill.jpg
Distinguished Individuals

03bgood2cashAeverine NievesAkai DaliaAngel LocsinA Man in BlackArgent009AsalieriAush0kBill9929Brian MartinChris-chanChrissie BarmoreCircaRigelClayranger89Daniel BrandtDivineAngelDonald Buffkin/Tablecowdrp1zzaElizabeth Minami WyvillErin AnthonyFeltchoFlardoxGirlvinylGrace SaundersHayakainIntellectual CheckmateJDubsJim ProfitKevin MartinLibertarian FoxLinkaton FuraitoLove ShyLulz in hell TrollfagsMarjan SiklicMeowbarkMike SandymootNate SpidgewoodOliver D. SmithOnideusPacificoceanasiaPaul FetchPixelBeeProductionsPreachingthegospelPrince JeremyPrinceDumuziPurelilyRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRusty RaySceptreSheWolfSirius OrionisSpleeNfatSteve Hodder-WattSue BaskoTom NewtonVampiricSpektorVordrakWwwarea

Noble Internet Entities

AnontalkAnti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.comConservapediaDeviantARTFailcyclopediaJosephevers.blogspot.comMetafilterMyAdoptsOhInternetRationalWikiRipoff ReportUltraviolet News NetworkUncyclopediaWikiFurWikipedia

Glorious Civilizations

AboriginesAustraliaChinaMalaysiaPhilippines

Related Subjects and Methods

CensorshipDDoSFree SpeechGet a LawyerHackingMake a PetitionNotify the FBISerious BusinessSOPAThe Græt Niggercide of Old EDWriting an article for UncyclopediaYou vs. ED

SONIC TEMPLATE.PNG

[WAY PAST COOL!GOTTA GO FAST!]


Chris-chan is part of a series on
Sonic the Hedgehog

Proofthatsonicisafag.gif



Sonic rape reversed.gif
Einsteinaspie.jpg Chris-chan is part of a series on Aspies. [Back to your happy placeSperg out]

Adam LanzaAlbert EinsteinAlexander SlavrosAmber ButtrumAndy KaufmanAniMatAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAspies for FreedomAspierationsAssburgerBaldi's BasicsBambifan101Barron TrumpBart-ToonsBeefraveBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBill9929Bill GatesBlocklandersBlueCatRioluBodyXPoliticBoris MalagurskiBourg ProductionsBram CohenBrandon SmithBrownsquirrelCansin13ChibiyimaChris-chanChris Harper-MercerClay ClaymoreCloudyEggsCyndilovespiccoloDan CilleyDarrDarius McCollumDarviela MaravaronaDavid CleggDaxFlamedev-catscratchDisneyFan01DLAbaoaquDragonfandrp1zzaEddie WiseEdenHeroineGirlElectroRuffGiusep1EmpLemonErik RibsskogErin AnthonyEthan DavisEvan GraggFlaglerchatFlardoxFUNImation2002GachatardsGary McKinnonGoFagsGrantMGreg MazujianHannah CappsHeed My WarningHozupindahows00sInmendhamInuboy1000IronholdsJack Gilbert GrahamJared MiltonJahi/4444Javi SuzumiyaJessi SlaughterJoekerJoey The AutistJohn Patrick RogersJoseph8276JustinandDennisJustinRPGKawaii KitsuneKawaiiKittee88KelseyaliciaKevin HavensKingMasterReviewKirbysloverKloeriKongzillarex619KothorixKphoriaLane DavisLeafyIsHereLukas PietschLyndsay KirkhamLougaraLordelthibarLynn AnnM. ChaosManlytearsMark ZuckerbergMariotehplumberMascotGuyMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMDetector5Michael GimsonMinefagsMisha SilenostiMissyMix HyenaMonica PunkMumkey JonesMutescreamMylarBalloonFanNate SpidgewoodNemo HanaNeuroNichole337Nick BravoNicky ReillyNikolas CruzObjectcucksOlinkalexOnigojirakaijuOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPMDrive1061PopcornPrince JeremyRandy StairRavenNGRebelTaxiRobert Clark YoungROtardsRootbrianRoss LumbusRyanSammyClassicSonicFanSaturnDOSSean MillerSeleryShane LeeSiriusOrionisSolidMarioSONYFANBOYSperginStarbladeStarkiller88SteAndKelSuperMarioLoganSuper Minecraft KidTablecowTGcomixTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagThe Eclectic EspeonThe rEactorTheme Park ReviewTheMysteriousMrEnterTherealagerbonThe JuggernautThe Unknown AutobotTheVeganStudentTimboxToby J RathjenToKeNTom SersonToonEGuyToshTrigglypuffTylerthDragonUlillilliaVailskibum94Varg VikernesWaymuuWeatherManKevinWeegeeisgoingtokillmWerechuWetflameWilliam "AlGore" AtchisonWilliam FreundWim CrusioWolfAdvocateWolfeedarkfangwwwareaYeguscusYouZS3

LHO1l.png

Chris-chan is part of a series on My Little Pony

[CLOP CLOP CLOPFRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC]
Pokeball.png

Chris-chan
is part of a series on Pokémon

[Gotta catch ’em all!Who’s that Pokémon?]
A FUCKING POKEMON
Abra
Aggron
Aggron
Alakazam
Alakazam
Bidoof
Bidoof
Blastoise
Blastoise
Braixen
Braixen
Charizard
Charizard
Cloyster
Cloyster
Ditto
Ditto
Empoleon
Empoleon
Empoleon
Espeon
Garchomp
Garchomp
Gardevoir
Gardevoir
Hypno
Hypno
Jynx
Jynx
Jigglypuff
Jigglypuff
Kadabra
Kadabra
It's a Kirby, retard
Kirby
Koffing
Koffing
Lanturn
Lanturn
Cunnilingus
Lickitung
Lopunny
Lopunny
Lucario
Lucario
Lugia
Lugia
Metapod
Metapod
Mewtwo
Mewtwo
Mistystuffer
Misty
Mudkip
Mudkip
Twitch Plays Pokemon
Omanyte
Pikaman
Pikaman
Pokemon Go
Pokemon Go
Swirlface
Poliwhirl
Porygon
Porygon
Primeape
Primeape
Probopass
Probopass
JustinRPG
Reshiram
Riolu
Riolu
FUCK_YEAH_SEAKING
Seaking
Shaymin
Shaymin
Shiny Pidgey
Shiny Pidgey
Slowpoke
Slowpoke
Smugleaf
Smugleaf
Snorlax
Snorlax
Snover
Snover
Squirtle
Squirtle
Suicune
Suicune
Vileplume
Vileplume
Xatu
Xatu
Zoroark
Zoroark
[Boring. Move on.Read me!]

Chris-chan is part of a series on Webcomics

BalloonLulz100.png

Manga Ripoffs - MegatokyoSnafu comicsSuirenoki

BallonAE.png

Furry bullshit - BengoExterminatus NowHousepets!Kevin & KellLackadaisySonichuTails Gets TrolledThe Dragon DoctorsTwoKinds

Soap operas - Moon Over JuneSingle Asian FemaleQuestionable contentThe Nice Guy Comic

Gaming - CTRL ALT DeleteGod ModeMSPaint AdventuresPenny ArcadeSore ThumbsSweet Bro and Hella Jeff

Fandom - Ancient RealmsHow I Became YoursTG ComicsThe Legend of Razor

Weird shit - Apartment 18Assigned MaleAutobiography of an invisible monsterBilly The HereticChick tractsCocoa The ClownDeCadence ComicThe Dilbert HoleDNS ComicDr.Choker and PalsDrawn-chanElectric RetardExplosmHathor the Cow GoddessHipster HitlerHumonJerkcityJoe Mathlete explains MarmadukeLego Robot ComicsLOOK WHAT I BROUGHT HOMEManic Pixie Nightmare GirlsNeo-KosmosMarried to the SeaMorning GloryRocky DennisSarah's ScribblesSpace Moosexkcd

Providers - Anne OnymousBengoBlazesonicCarlos LatuffCheddar-CheesiaChris-chanComic GenesisD.C. SimpsonDave CheungDave HopkinsDave KellyDavid GontermanDragonfiendDisneyFan01Drshnaps ProductionsEric W. SchwartzHamletMachineHeather DowdeeHayakainHumonImmelmannJames M. HardimanJay NaylorJennifer Diane ReitzJohn CampbellJustflyakiteKay FedewaKurohimeLeoianPsyguyRaulo CáceresRHJuniorRodney CastonSmackjeevesSnapesnoggerSteve MacIsaacTargTim BuckleyTim ToddTom PrestonWhitedog1Wyatt MannZyklon Ben

Enemies - Constructive CriticismJohn SolomonTalent

Chris-chan is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAnna Nicole SmithAsa CoonBrian AdamsBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyGeorge SodiniGizgizHappyCabbieHarambeHeath LedgerJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKate SpadeKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShaySteve StephensTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganZhao Zewei

Those Dying Alone

03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAngry GrandpaAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmy SchumerAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsa CoonAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCheeyevChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868Dorian_GayDoug WalkerDragoneerDrakonDustinEmer PrevostEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGather Against FateGeorge LopezGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles Cheongicze⁴rImma-The-DeerInkBunnyJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKaBlamBandicoot64Kat DenningsKendall JennerKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLordelthibarLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackManchildrenMarblesMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMaxtaroMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMichael BattonMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMike SandyMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriOFWGKTAOnyx ForepawPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter BrightPeter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperRedheadXilamGuyRicki RavenRMG ProductionsRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSarah ButtsSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSpax3StormySuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotUrinatingTreeVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!WoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmXenuriaYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

Their Methods

9gagAdventure TimeAIDSAnimuArt SchoolAsperger's SyndromeAssigned Maleask.fmBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedCollectorComputer Science IIICosplayDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDeviantARTDrugsEdginessFanFictionFeminismFidget spinner The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGravity FallsGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffInfantilismInsane Clown PosseInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLegoLeague of LegendsLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/RobloxRuneScapeSecond LifeSilk Screen Goku ShirtTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSpeakoniaTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUndertaleVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube

Chris-chan
is part of a series on
Christianity
Badass jesus.jpg
Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
Pissing Off the Almighty [-+]
Heathens [-+]
Featured article August 5, 2008
Preceded by
YouTube View Fraud
Chris-chan Succeeded by
Madeleine McCann
Featured article August 11, 2008
Preceded by
Al Gore
Chris-chan Succeeded by
South Ossetia
Featured article April 1, 2009
Preceded by
Girugamesh
Chris-chan Succeeded by
Goodnight Sweet Prince
Featured article November 5, 2017
Preceded by
The Loud House
Chris-chan Succeeded by
2016 Presidential Election
Featured article May 19 and 20, 2018
Preceded by
Battle For Dream Island
Chris-chan Succeeded by
/b/
Featured article April 14 and 15, 2020
Preceded by
Easter
Chris-chan Succeeded by
Abbey Road