⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Captain Crunch

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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    File:John-draper-goofy.jpg
    That hair is liable to cut up the roof of your mouth.
    File:LovesTehCock.jpg
    Captain Crunch, serving on a panel for cock enthusiasts.
    File:CapnCrunchWhistle.jpg
    Capt. Crunch whistle that emits 2600Hz frequency used for pwning Ma Bell, not his work.


    Many Vietnam vets find their solace in heroin and whores. Captain Crunch (aka John Draper), on the other hand, took his tortured mind and abused Bell. Contrary to what he claims, he actually never had any skill besides lvl 2 soldering. Blue boxers had become the script kiddies of phreaking by the time Crunch was doing anything. He had a friend who realized that the 2600hz sound in a breakfast cereal toy was not the devil speaking to him, it was actually a time travel machine that could make free telephone calls. Woz recruited Crunch into his super elite hack team and they travelled around the US doing acid and confing. Soon, he turned media whore and spilled the beans to the Village Voice. The Man didn't like the fact that Captain Crunch was bragging so loudly about his skillz, so they put him in prison.

    Working with Woz

    After working at Apple for a bit, he programmed one of the first word processors ever for the Apple ][ and the IBM PC -- therefore, he should be rich, but he's not because his code was all ripped by Bill Gates. He blew all his money on acid parties and rape factories.

    What he is doing now

    Captain Crunch is now a dirty old man who`s pupils are pinholes and he's missing most ABSOLUTELY ALL of his teeth, likely due to meth. His incredible laundry list of famous people on his resume failed to get him any actual work. Once people realized he was completely clueless he had to start his own failure of a business... which then failed. He is now working as the CTO for a small start-up film company.

    Failures

    His first and only project was CrunchBox which was supposed to be an OpenBSD firewall+intrusion detection system. The project proved to be a huge failure and never went past anything more than talk. However if you talk to Draper he will claim that he sets up custom CrunchBox's for networks at 20 k a pop. Draper has pretty much slipped into obscurity, don't ever start a convo with him or you may never escape. But for those that are brave he can be IMed at jdcrunchman on aim. His other only project was an attempt at making a TV show (CrunchTV) targeted at noobs with the goal of "Handling 95% of all the security threats in the Internet Frontier". Future guests may include Kevin Mitnick.

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    Captain Crunch
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    Captain Crunch is part of a series on Security Faggots

    1337 h4x0rz

    Captain CrunchCult of the Dead CowDavid L. SmithGary McKinnonGOBBLESHD MooreJeff MossKevin MitnickLance M. HavokRobert MorrisTheo de RaadtweevWoz


    Try-Hards

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