⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Capitalism

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search


    File:Monopoly-Man.jpg
    An artist's rendition of The Man, owner of your ass and every company that makes everything you buy ever.

    Capitalism is the world's largest religion.

    At its most basic, capitalism or Profit: The Game is the insane theory that people are inherently selfish and greedy assholes, and the only way anybody could work and maintain the economy is if they should be allowed to earn and own private property. As an applied economic system it permits the exchange of service for paper with no physical worth, with relatively little interference from a centralized government. The ultimate goal of any person under this system is to make as much money as possible while making everyone else as poor as dirt. It was invented by Ayn Rand in the November 1959 edition of The Objectivist. Since Ayn Rand was a woman, she argued that money is the root of all good (since money is the only motivation for women to do good).

    Capitalists explain that with hard work, the Invisible Hand of the Market will inevitably lead to luxury and wealth like themselves, but this never happens. Capitalism is often the basis for much drama in LiveJournal political communities. Jews (except Jesus, Karl Marx and Noam Chomsky), Darwinists (who believe that evolutionary progress is fuelled by intelligent people obliterating the weak and dumb) and conservative types argue that capitalism is the best way for the United States, and thus the world. Liberal Communists (azad_slide and pirat_ponton, for example) think that it does nothing but fuck the poor. Due to increased production, capitalism produces legions of unemployed people, and jobs become an endangered species (in addition to every other species). Capitalism was and is the driving force behind the colonization and murder of non-Whitey, but it has been said they are now better off for it. Capitalism has spawned such places as United States and Good Korea.

    In reality, the correct form of economic policy involves ePoints.

    And, no, idiot. Capitalism doesn't have anything to do with typing in ALL CAPS.

    Theory

    At least 100 years ago a man named Adam Smith was living in a shack in Scotland making a living trolling Presbyterians. He observed that the Jews, despite being not allowed to earn real estate by the laws of feudalism, made lots of Jew Gold and seduced the nobility through making their own private enterprises such as moneylending. He suddenly had the idea that if people owned private businesses instead of working for feudal lords just like what the aforementioned Jews did throughout the Middle Ages, a force called the "Invisible Hand" would guide people in the market to make decisions that would eventually lead to everybody's benefit, faggotry and butthurt. He concluded that without a centralized government interfering in a perfect market and with good conditions between buyers and sellers, people would be unable to exploit each other and would be motivated to provide good products and services in spite of exploiting each other. He ran off into the city and found a life-partner named David Ricardo who added to his theory later.

    To have a "free market" there must be (1) "perfect competition" (no buyer or seller can unilaterally influence the market); (2) "perfect knowledge" (all buyers and sellers have and provide the same information); and (3) "perfect mobility" (all buyers and sellers can move to where they have the greatest competitive advantage). Since this does not exist in the US or any other country, no country truly has a capitalist society or ever will. Instead we have Corporations that want to buy and sell your life like a cheap piece of crap from Walmart.

    Although people claim that there is no alternative to capitalism today, that's total bullshit since, as we've already pointed out, Capitalism is a fairytale, and, unlike the theory, in reality most capitalist countries are full of shitty service-sector jobs and low wages. But that's okay... because most people would just squander their money on hookers and blow anyway...

    Capitalism and all its flaws, in a short video. Be sure to show capitalist pigs this video if you want to troll them.

    History

    You are on the bottom, sucking the black man's cock.

    Capitalism was popular among intellectual circles but nobles and kings hated it. Eventually people got sick of feudalism and overthrew it with the French Revolution and the war between generally educated middle class craftsmen against the vested interest of the ruling landlords and nobility. Then everyone was happy and celebrated in the streets as businessmen hatched out of eagle eggs to swoop in and piss down wealth on the proletariat. Everybody lived in paradise (except for the poor) buying Microsoft computers and selling Abercrombie. Charles Darwin, the muhammad of Atheists, will soon become noted as the most relevant justification of Capitalism due to his explanation that nature and the world progresses through the survival of the fittest and the smartest, with retards naturally relegated to slavery, further ingraining the virtues of Capitalism in Western scientific culture. But a Heretic Jew named Karl Marx was BAWWWing on the oppression that the weak and dumb were enslaved by their capitalist overlords, and therefore created its most dark nemesis: Socialism.

    The two ideologies fought each other across parallel dimensions for at least 100 years, eventually (after the epic battle of Mecha-Hitler and Robo-Stalin at Mount Olympus,) earning the epithet, the Cold War. This was cause for a lot of drama and lulz throughout much of the 20th century and still to this day as, even with the end of the war, the two philosophies continue to fling shit at each other. Especially in online journals on teh Internets.

    Neither ideology is dead yet, (since neither ideology has actually been implemented yet,) but every now and then one will claim the other is dead and buried as a cheap way to claim victory. Some people think socialism died with the fall of "Communism" last Thursday (it didn't,) but these days capitalism is looking increasingly screwed as more poors protest against it every year. The heathens. Indeed, there are an unfortunate number of pesky proletarians who still don't know what's good for them. If only the Indian sweatshop worker could get off his/her lazy socialist ass and read a book by Jeffrey Sachs, he/she would know eventually capitalism will create a utopia, as has been prophesied.

    Modern Capitalism

    The advent of robotics has greatly aided the cause of of capitalism. Advanced collection droids called the IRS(Invasive Rape Service)now patrol capitalist cities and outlying areas. These robotic rapists peer inside a civilian's house during the late hours of the night, to detect a an income of less than $100,000 a year. If such is detected, the IRS agent breaks in and then ransacks the place. Once all of the victim's possessions have been stolen, eaten, and digested into money, the robot begins raping the home owner, killing their soul with every robotic thrust. This metallic phallus is actually a "soul vacuum", which is used to suck up the rapee's soul for sale to Satan. Once their task has been completed, the IRS agent returns to it's masters (the Government and Capitalists) and cums a bounty of wet, green capital in a disgusting bukkake of horror, delighting in the reality that no one cares about you in any system, except Communism, and that life is really just a descent into a fresh hell every day.

    Gallery

    How To Get Ahead In Capitalism

    Notice how the alpha males dominate their inferiors



    How to Troll Capitalist Pigs

    • Ask them how it feels to be corporate slaves.
    • Force them to watch (or say anything good about) any of the following movies: The Corporation, Fight Club, any of the Zeitgeist movies, They Live, Inside Job, and We're Not Broke.
    • Tell them that socialism/communism isn't the only alternative to capitalism.
    • Insist that corporations are more of a problem then government.
    • Join an anti-capitalist movement and/or protest.
    • Tell them that OWS will never accept them and "Occupy the Fed" will never happen.
    • Show them this article.

    How to Troll Anti-Capitalists

    Other Terms For Capitalism

    Infamous Capitalists

    External Links

    Capitalism
    is part of a series on Politics.
    Ideologies: [You are wrong!We are right!]

    Alt-rightAnarchyCapitalismCentrismCommunismConservatismDemocratHippieLiberalismLibertarianismMiltopismNaziNihilismNeo-conPacifismRepublicanReconquistaSocialismStoner GuruTory

    Issues: [Fuck it, Too lazy.Get it fixed!]

    AbortionArab SpringBahrainBarron TrumpBirthCISPADeath penaltyDrugsEnvironmentalismGaysGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleGirlfriendsMarijuana AddictionGround Zero MosqueMarijuana AddictionMass ShootingGun controlGunsHealthcare (2) (3)• HomelessHousing CrisisHuntingIceslaveIranMarriageMiller TestMiltopiaNAUPimpin'RacismShoesTaxesTerrorismUnemploymentWarWelfare

    Politicians: [Rigging Elections is funVote for me]

    AhmadinejadAkinB.AllenG. AllenAngleAshburnBachmannBhuttoBin LadenBlagojevichBlairBoehnerG.BrownS.BrownBunningJim TraficantDubya BushGeorge H. W. BushBurrByrdCainCameronChavezCheCheneyChomskyChretienChurchillClintonClinton IIChelsea Clinton Hillary Clinton CleggCohenColemanCorbynCowgerCraigCthulhuCunninghamCurtisD'AlemaDeanDelayDuterteDwyerEdwardsFaganFiorinaFoleyGerald FordRob FordGellerGillardGingrichGiulianiGonzalesGoreGrahamGravelGreeneGriffinHagueHansonHardingHarperHitlerHowardHuckabeeHusseinJacksonJamesJidetteJohnsonJohnson, BorisKennedyLaRoucheLBJLottKerryKindKissingerKucinichLewinskyLiebermanLimbaughLoughnerMajorMarceaux.comMarxMcBerryMcCainMcHenryMcKinneyMercerMichael BloombergMooreMorocco MoleMussoliniNaderNixonObamaO'DonnellOsbornePainePaladinoPalinPaulPelosiPencePerryPinochetPrittPutinQuahQuayleRasanskyReaganRendellRiceRobertsonRomneyRoveRuddRumsfeldRyanSaakashviliSandersSantorumSchumerSchwarzeneggerSharptonCyril SmithJacqui SmithSpitzerStevensStranahanSupremeTaitzThatcherThompsonThorleyTPMMuckraker MoleTrudeauTrumpVenturaVitterWarsiWashingtonWaxmanWeinerWestWilliamsWilsonWolfowitzXXenophon

    Parties: [No beer? Fuck that.Hell yeah, a party!]

    America's Third PartyBlack BlocDramacratic PartyHard PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaNorth American DONG PartyOBAMACORNSocialist Workers PartyPirate PartyZapatistas

    Tactics: [Rage Quit.How do I get elect?]

    2013 US Government ShutdownBlaming ChinaCaptain Nigga DefendaCloward Piven StrategyCuckservativesDemockeryDoomsday ClockG20 Toronto LollercaustLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberal guiltMacaca#NotMySuperbowlChampsOccupy DemocratsOperation LemonpartyRaped StatisticsThe ResistanceUpworthyWunderground

    See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communities

    [RecessionInflation]
    £€ Capitalism is a part of a series on Money
    150px Companies

    AdFlyAdobeAmazonAppleAT&TBDICBellBitcoinBurger KingCelestial ToystoreComcastDisneyDuckDuckGoeBayFox NewsGNWTGoogleHappy Madison ProductionsIBMIKEAMicrosoftMcDonald'sMTVNew Media RockstarsNintendoNovellOracle CorporationPatreonPayPalSonySun MicrosystemsT-MobileVerizonViacomWal-MartWikiaYahooYouTube

    People

    Steve ChenLyor CohenBill GatesChad HurleyL. Ron JeremySteve JobsMario LaudicinaBernie MadoffLarry SangerMartin ShkreliHal TurnerJimbo Wales

    Ideology / Politics

    Bailout PlanCapitalismCommunismGlobalisationGovernmentGun controlHealth Care RageIceslaveJudaismKarl MarxObamacareRon PaulAyn RandRandroidSocialistRonald ReaganWelfareZeitgeist MovementZeitgeist - The Movie

    Selling

    AdvertisingBitcoinBriberyExtreme AdvertisingBilly MaysPorn AdvertisementsShamwowSpamSubservient ChickenWinnebago ManGeorge Zimmer

    Topics

    419 Nigerian Email ScamsThe Dot.Com BubbleEconomistEconomyForeign GirlfriendInternet moneyJew GoldMoneyPoorProfitRape dollarsScientologyToilet Paper Hoarding

    Portal truth.png

    Capitalism is part of a series on

    Truth

    Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.