⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️
There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.
Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically) Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
.onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)
Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.
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Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
Calton Bolick or Calton Glenn Bolick is without a doubt the biggest bullying, egocentric crybaby on the internet today. He is a well known troll, libeler, and character assassin on Wikipedia. He recently returned to Wikipedia after being banned. (See User talk:Calton) Although his much-deserved and highly anticipated block was only for 24 hours, Calton threw a hissy fit and refused to edit for three weeks. If he was waiting for the masses to beg him to come back, he was sorely disappointed. Not only did most of Wikipedia not even realize that he was gone, but the ever-growing group of people that are offended by Calton's very existence rejoiced over his self-imposed exile. It was a cold, sad day when he returned. He stupidly tried to blank an ED page about him with a vandal account , and then cried like a bitch when someone confronted him on one of his thousand blogs. He has already been blocked again, for the same old fucktard behavior (someone he didn't like removed a Lie from an article, so he replaced it and then hurled insults at anyone who said maybe he shouldn't do that anymore). After one month and three days of peace, Calton returned on December 23rd and continued his "brand of humor", including reverting someone's talk page from September. Safe money is on another block real soon.
UPDATE Calton gets teh banhammer
Request reason: "Exactly as I expected: not for vandalism; not for damaging the encyclopedia; not for disruption; not for impairing in any way the actual work of building and/or improving the encyclopedia; not for attempting to hijack the encyclopedia to promote myself, fringe views, businesses, or a opinions; not for promulgating hate; not even, as the boilerplate text above says falsely in this case, making unconstructive contributions. Nope, as punishment -- not as a preventative measure -- for insufficiently sucking up to the wounded pride of the self-assuming authority figures. For not accepting "Because I'm the boss" as an actual rationale for administrator behavior nor thinking that wielding admin buttons in service of petty vendettas is woth overlooking, and for daring to say that vague handwaving and authoritarian threats are not ACTUAL ways of co-operative editing: actual recourse to actual arguments, actual policy, and actual common sense -- as opposed to to those who've mistaken Wikipedia for social-networking site with themselves as leaders wielding power in some virtual club."
Making of a monster
His parents were more than likely related before they got married, and I would not be too surprised if his father in fact, forced himself onto his "me so hor-ney" mother.
Growing up on a different Air Force base every few months as his father was kicked from one to another, Calton developed a highly anti-social and sarcastic personality. While this may have been entertaining to his father (who was usually too drunk to care) or his mother (who still believed in Santa Claus at this point), the other children wouldn't allow Calton to play in any reindeer games.
Or any games for that matter.
Thanks to his bleak and cheerless childhood, Calton grew into a foul and horrible teenager. Unable to master simple social skills and interact with his peers, Calton began to torture animals and small children, not with violence, but by making them sit still while he repeatedly recited his mantra: "I'm great, I'm wonderful, and doggone it, people like me!" Eventually he blackmailed his way into the University of California at Berkley, even though his chosen major, liberal fascism, was unavailable. Thinking it would help him score with the ladies, Calton majored in English where he spent his time reading "stories" and managed to manipulate, intimidate, and cheat his way to a solid C- average. After hundreds of complaints that Calton was a peeping-tom who had been spying on and stalking several of the other students on campus, UC Berkley decided to grant Calton his degree and help him land a job...on another continent. Thus, unfortunately, Calton was sent out into the world with no real-life skills or social skills; without an actual education; and, most sadly, without ever having touched a girl's breast.
It was during his time at University of California at Berkley that Calton developed a fondness for theatre. As a former subscriber (how impressive!) to the Berkley Repertory Theatre, Calton considers himself an expert on all things theatrical. The fact that he clearly doesn't understand anything about the entertainment industry doesn't stop him from pontificating and passing arbitrary judgements. Afterall, in Calton's world, if you've seen a play in your lifetime, that qualifies you as an expert on theatre. He dedicates much of his time on Wikipedia to wiki-stalking, harrassing and defaming actors, directors and other theatre professionals. Nothing seems to make Calton's day, like getting an actors bio deleted.
One night, while jacking off to 12chan, Calton found his true calling in life...being a Deletionist fanatic on Wikipedia. Through three years Calton has created 0...as in ZERO new content. Instead, he launched himself on a quest to delete anything and everything he could possibly get his hands on. Not content to delete such unknown articles such as "Theoretical Economic measuring of the Moldovan Agricultural Market 1998", Calton's proudest moment came when he vigorously tried multiple times to get the entry for "It's the Juggernaut Bitch" deleted because "Fox News, MTV, and CNN are not reliable sources to show the link between the YouTube video 'I'm the Juggernaut Bitch' and the line said in 'X-Men 3'".
Despite his best efforts, Calton failed. His parting words to those who voted to keep the article: "Bogosity!!!" (Whatever the fuck that means.)
While Calton may be accused of many, many, many disgusting and immoral things, one thing he will never be accused of is originality. Of course, he spends so much time harassing the "little people" on Wikipedia that he couldn't possibly think of new things to say to all of them. Instead he makes use of some annoying stock phrases:
Any person who dares to call him a manipulating, wikilawyering, bully of a loser (which he is) is instantly accused of psychological projection: Here on September 4th, September 9th, and September 14th. Hmm, ironic, isn't it...
Another of his favorites is to employ the old adage of "the pot calling the kettle black": Here
A new "Caltonism" is appearing; it seems that for some reason he thinks that he is the only human who has grasped punctuation as he constantly feels the need to use the phrase "period/full stop". What the hell is this all about? Is he lapsing into dementia and thinking fondly of his youth, when they used telegraphs to communicate? A user showed Calton that he when he says his famous "period/full stop", he is actually saying "period/period" (as "Full Stop" is it's own period). He came back with his usual dribble. It also appears "Ameriucan" is now the official spelling of "American", according to Calton. Other memorable incidents include his 46-word run-on sentence in his user page. Ironically, the word subject in that sentence has no clear antecedent!
Like most losers, Calton refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. His strategy for doing so is predictable: (1) respond to criticism by changing the subject — i.e., criticizing the critic, (2) quoting his critics out of context, and (3) exhausting his opponents through his dry, Dennis Miller-wannabe "humor."
His actions are protected by the administrator JzG.
Talk page rules
The following are Calton's rules for posting to his talk page (modified, of course, so that those of us who haven't devoted our lives to Wikipedia worship will know what he really means):
- I am not an admin, I just act like one and have my friends tell you that I am.
- This also means, of course, I cannot undelete your page/article, nor unblock you. I can, however, offer you a poisoned cookie.
- If you are here to make an argument dependent on arcane or convoluted interpretations of Wikipedia guidelines or rules, then please be aware that no one does that better than I and I will wikilawyer you to death. I've been there, done that, got the XXXL t-shirt, thankyouverymuch.
- There is no Rule 4, but I reserve the right to make up new rules and expect you to follow them, although I will not.
- Don't post when drunk. Seriously. I did that once, and that is how people found out that I am a fat, 46-year-old virgin.
- All communication sent via the "E-mail this user" link is considered public, at my discretion, because, if you haven't figured it out yet, everything in Wikipedia is done at my discretion.
- Do not assume I'm stupid, there is no need. I prove it on a daily basis. I do not respond well to having my intelligence insulted although I will insult yours at every given opportunity.
- Don't lie to me like I'm Montel Williams. Do I look like Montel Williams? Do I? NO? Then don't lie to me like I'm Montel Williams. Nope, we can't improve on that one...I mean, who the hell watches Montell Williams anymore???
- Especially bogus, hostile, and/or trolling remarks are subject to disemvoweling, That's remarks by people other than me, of course.
- Please post at the bottom of the page and "sign" your posts using 4 tildes (~). Yeah, seriously, do this one. It makes it easier to find your talk page for flaming, which is the best part of any interaction with Calton.
- Please extinguish all cigarettes, as this is a No Smoking page. Hmmm, maybe Calton hasn't realized that Wikipedia is not real...
Because sometimes defamimg and libeling people, deleting bios and user pages, and generally harrassing people just isn't enough fun for this sick fuck; he's been known to stalk his victims off-wiki. There appear to be a special little group of people that Calton has perverse obsessions with. Among them is a psychologist and author who has dedicated nearly his entire website to chronicaling Calton's cyberstalking activities.  Apparently, wanna-be writer Calton, has also caused some trouble on Amazon.com, writing spurious reviews of books he's never even read under an online alias.
Calton hates the U.S. Navy SEALs and wants a Soviet-style Political commissar assigned to every military unit. He makes this opinion known on every military blog he can and is baffled as to why these grunts and jarheads aren't impressed when he tells them he's a Wikipedia admin. He also really wants Mass killings under Communist regimes deleted.  Make of this what you will.
Harassed by Calton? Get back at him!
Name: Calton Glenn Bolick
Known for: Harassing & stalking others on Wikipedia
- Kawasaki-shi, Kanagawa, Japan
- Berkeley, California
- Travis Air Force Base (August 1973)
- Okinawa, Japan (January, 1970)
- Martinez, CA
- Oakland, CA
- San Francisco, CA
- San Diego, CA
- 2155 Acton St, Berkeley, CA 94702
- 2155 Acton #2 Berkeley, CA 94702
- 2310 Prospect Berkeley, CA 94704 (Feb 1991 - Jul 2001)
- 414 Holiday Hills Martinez, CA 94553 (Nov 1992 - Nov 2000)
- 1568 Waller San Francisco, CA 94117 (Nov 2000)
- 191665 PO Box San Francisco, CA 94119 (Apr 1999)
- 2600 Ridge Berkeley, CA 94709 (Jan 1998)
- 8126 Regents #102 San Diego, CA 92122 (Oct 1997 - Dec 1997)
- 826 Regents 201 San Diego, CA 92122 (Oct 1997)
- 2115 Acton #2 Berkeley, CA 94702 (Jul 1995)
- 2115 Actor #2 Berkeley, CA 94702 (Jul 1995)
- 439 49th Oakland, CA 94609 (Feb 1991 - May 1994)
- University of California at Berkeley; B.A., English, 1991
- Mt. Diablo High School; Concord, CA
- (510) 845-1735 (from http://dstudium.ru/user/calton/text/resume.html)
- (925) 370-0944
- (510) 420-1405
Password hashes (thanks thatoneguyontheinternet for this):
What you can do against him:
- Fast food bombing
- Molotov cocktails
- User pages spamming & shitposting
- Cut his fingers with Katana
- Trout slapping
- Prank calls
- Junk mails
- Sex Offender Alert flyers near his addresses
- Sign him up for newsletters
- Of course you can hack his accounts!
Blogs and other pages
In spite of an insane dedication to the cult of Jimbo Wales, Calton still finds time to maintain over 9000 blogs and websites each devoted to his mundane job of teaching in Japan and his pursuit of the sweet flesh of underage boys.
Although he claims he's an editor, he's really a school teacher. It's amazing he gets anything done, because (I'm serious) he has(1) a VOX blog, (2) a typepad blog, (3) a Salon blog, (4) a Blogspot blog, (5) a Mac blog, (6) a Flickr page, (7) a well.com page, (8) an amazon.com page, (9) a Fotopages page, (10) a Facebook page, (11) a Linked-in page, (12) a MySpace page, (13) a YouTube page, (14) a Vimeo page, and, of course, (15) a Wikipedia page. Vanity thy name is Calton!
According to Calton's linked profile , this vociferous blogger and notorious Wikipedian left his position as an editor for a Japanese software company in June of 2007, after three years and seven months. Can it be that his former employer may have finally gotten wise to the fact that Calton was spending nearly all his time harassing people on Wikipedia? His voluminouus edit history  seems to say it all in terms of his workplace productivity.
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