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Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, also known as Star Trek: The First Person Shooter, Call of Duty: NV4Fare and Call of Duty: Infinite Dislikes is a free game that comes bundled with the remastered version of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. It's made by the failures known as Infinity Ward who last brought you the absolute dogshit Call of Duty: Ghosts. The game goes even further into the future; you're now in fucking space. It's more or less Ghosts space missions but expanded into the entire campaign.
- Just the box, disc, and a bunch of useless fucking papers as usual. No surprises here.
The box and disc with...
- HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S COD4 ON NEXT-GEN!!!!!111!! OHHHH MY GOD1!!!ONE!!111!! MOM GET THE CAMERA, XBOX RECORD THAT111!!!!!111 50,000 PEOPLE USED TO LIVE HERE AND NOW IT'S A GHOST TOWN SO MEMORABLE FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!11!1!1 KNIFE THE WATERMELON YOUR FRUIT KILLING SKILLS ARE REMARKABLE!!!!!!11!!!
A bunch of pissed off plebs from Earth's colonies finally get triggered enough to the point that they organize under Jon Snow and build a big ass fleet to invade Earth. Earth's UNSA get's BTFO and has only two ships left, Retribution and Tigris. You play as Jack Reyes, some space marine guy who by some fucking chance gets promoted to Captain of he Retribution because the old one got shit on by Jon Snow and his army of robots. You are joined by some bitch Salter, a robot named Ethan and you and your crew boldly go and fuck the SDF up across the solar system. The SDF blows up the Tigris(fucking shocking), Riah becomes an hero to activate the beacon to to bring more SDF to Earth and they fuck up Admiral Raines shit. Reyes somehow gets on the SDF flagship; Olympus Mons, kills Jon Snow and takes the ship to blow up the SDF orbital shipyard at Mars. The SDF kicks the shit out of the Mons and the Retribution and they crash on Mars somehow everyone of fucking importance survives. In a last ditch effort, the Retribution faggots attack the station while Salter steals an SDF ship but can't use it to blow the station up because it's stuck to the fucking dock. Ethan becomes an hero to undock the ship and Reyes in heroic fucking sacrifice tells Salter to blow shit up even though he's still on the station. Everyone gets BTFO and Salter goes on a feels trip.
Infinite Warfare is literally just a fucking re-skin of Black Ops III. It's not like the typical CoD argument of things being too similar either, Infinite Warfare is literally exactly the same as Black Ops III gameplay-wise in multiplayer. The same shitty, float through the fucking air movement system is there, along with Specialists(now known as Combat Rigs) and their overpowered as fuck weapons to boot. It's like Infinity Ward spent almost the entire of the 3 year development cycle with their foot up their own ass and then they realized November was around the corner and copy pasted Treyarch's edgy immature shitfest to make up for wasted time. Infinite Warfare's only plus is that it appears to have cut out most of the shitty 12 year old geared content that Black Ops III was entirely comprised of; letting that shit fester in the Zombies mode. Basically it's Black Ops IV.
- United Nations Space Alliance: The world becomes united and forms a Super-NASA or some shit and boldly fucks off to where no faggot has gone before.
- Settlement Defense Front: Basically the big bad faction that decides to fuck UNSA up. They are led by Jon Snow from fucking Game of Thrones.
Exactly the same shit as Black Ops III's Specialists but with the edgy, childish nonsense cut from them. They still sport super overpowered weapons and shit and now you can switch between them in game. Whatever.
What you get rewarded with for playing like an asshole, so you can be a bigger asshole.
- UAV: Same as it always has been. Periodically shows where enemies are on the map for people who can't find them themselves, so they can in turn steal all your fucking kills.
- Scarab: Copy paste of the HC-XD from Black Ops III. Fuck this shit.
- Drone Package: Care package; sometimes you get shit and then there's the one time you get something good, then you get sniped by the camping fuckface from across the map and your teammate takes your shit.
- Counter-UAV: Jams the shit out of the enemies radar. Spam the shit out of it for lulz.
- Vulture: AI controlled flying attack drone that follows you around and lights anyone who comes by you the fuck up.
- Trinity Rocket: Same shit as it was in Ghosts; cluster missile that pretty much fucks up everything.
- Scorchers: Call in a bunch of jets to go and strafe the shit out of the map with lasers.
- Bombardment: Call in a a satellite to go and orbital bombard the shit out of a designated area.
- Shock Sentry: Sentry gun that deals shock damage to surrounding targets because fuck you.
- Warden: Escort dropship that fuck shit up near your location.
- Advanced UAV: Continuously shows everyone's location on the radar, but unlike the Blackbird it can be shot down, so fuck all.
- THOR: Basically the fucking Lodestar from Black Ops II. Overpowered as shit.
- R-C8: Similar to the Goliath from Advanced Warfare but even fucking bigger and with more arms.
- AP-3X: Remote controlled assault drone with a shit ton of weapons to fuck things up.
Unlike Black Ops III where there wasn't a single real gun in the game, most of Infinite Warfare's weapons are bastardized futuristic versions of modern weapons paired with Deus Ex looking shit. Also, Advanced Warfare's overpowered as fuck weapon variants are back which also means Supply Drops are too. Fuck this shit.
Fuck shit up in all situations.
- NV-4: Basically the M4A1 to cater all the Americunts that want an unreliable Democracy piss shooter in the game. Has literally no kick and is overpowered as fuck at all distances. Everybody uses this shit.
- R3K: 3 round burst energy rifle, drops fuckers dead at long range but is practically fucking useless in CQC because of how slow it cycles.
- KBAR-32: High speed bullet sprayer with light mobility. Fucking overpowered.
- Type 2: Energy rifle that's the fastest rate of fire assault rifle in the game. For some fucking reason it can be split into dual machine pistols.
- Volk: Literally looks like the AK-47 from Elysium except it fires plasma. "Teh badd guyz" weapon, and used to literally fucking insta-kill until it got nerfed to obvilion.
- R-VN: Another fucking combination energy weapon that can change from a 2-round burst rifle into a pair of fucking super-tasers that insta-kill.
- X-Eon: A gun that has literally perfect hipfire, no spread at all. Aiming down the sights boosts the rate of fire while reducing accuracy. I don't get it either.
High rate of fire peashooters.
- ERAD: High rate of fire plasma SMG with a fuck ton of recoil and uber damage.
- FHR40: Shoots fucking fast as hell and somehow excels in all situations. Enemies die literally in a instant at the slightest pull of the trigger. Fuck this gun.
- Karma-45: A Vector from Modern Warfare 2 but with dual magazines for increased reload speeds because fuck all. Rapes shit at close range.
- RPR Evo: The new version of the overpowered Ripper from Ghosts(which you can also get too). Can switch between Assault Rifle and SMG mode, because we can never not have enough fucking combo weapons.
- HVR: A bastardized UMP-45 and naturally it has the highest damage in this class. Makes no sense since the real UMP-45 from Modern Warfare 2 is in the game.
- VPR: What is essentially an MP5K with double barrels and a stupid high rate of fire. Somehow can hold nearly 100 rounds with extended mags and kill at any distance without kicking an inch. This gun is complete pay to win bullshit.
Blow someones fucking guts out.
- Banshee: A rehash of the TAC-19 sound shotgun from Advanced Warfare. Fires dubstep that can't even go two feet for a one shot kill but cycles fast enough that you can clear entire rooms with it.
- DCM-8: Every fucking thing in this game is named with 1337 speak. Full auto energy shotgun. Like every full auto shotgun before it, it's damage is shit and is only effective for spamming.
- Reaver: Quick, spam tastic semi auto shotgun with uber damage and fast cycling. This thing is serious bullshit and can clear the entire map by just spraying all over the fucking place.
- Rack-9: A SPAS-12 which again makes no fucking sense since the real SPAS-12 from Modern Warfare 2 is in the game too. Sits people on their ass in one shot.
Professional quickscoping apparatuses.
- KBS Longbow: Bolt action rifle that kills in one hit from the waist up. Guess what this shit is going to be used for?
- EBR-800: Semi auto energy DMR... that of course turns into another fucking assault rifle. Somehow serves as a Barrett .50 Cal stand in.
- Widowmaker: Probably named by some Overwatch faggot, this is a fucked up version of the Intervention that fires a two shot burst and can get fucking collaterals with ease. Also the real Intervention is in the game so this thing exists for fuck all reasons.
- DMR-1: An M1 Garand which... you guessed it, is already in the fucking game too! It's like Infinity Ward decided to rehash all the classic weapons because they're so shit at fictional weapons. Just as useless as the M21 EBR of old.
When you run out ammo. You will.
- EMC: Energy pistol that literally does fuck all except serve as placeholder for literally anything else.
- Oni: Full auto energy pistol. Spam the shit out of niggers.
- Kendall 44: Looks pretty much like a Glock 19 and is probably the most balanced, no bullshit pistol in the game. Use with Akimbo and Auto Sear for overpowered shit.
- Hailstorm: A 3-round burst revolver... no wait... A 3-ROUND BURST REVOLVER????
- UDM: Machine pistol with a slow-ish rate of fire for when the Oni and the G18 are too fucking quick for you.
Blow shit up.
- Spartan SA3: Dumb-fire or lock on launcher that will most certainly destroy all your fucking aircraft. Sucks ass against enemy soldiers.
- P-LAW: Plasma launcher that nobody uses. You shouldn't either.
- Howitzer: Pump action noob tube that literally does fuck all since this is post MW2.
Infinite Warfare's players will be too young to remember any of these. Also, why the fuck do they have fictional names?
- OSA: The ARX-160 from Ghosts. Come with a built in noob-tube because fuck you. Has a ton of fucking recoil and can't hit jack shit past 5 feet.
- MacTav-45: The UMP-45 from Modern Warfare 2. Guaranteed rape at all ranges. Use a silencer to be a real 2009 douchebag.
- TF-141: The unholy Intervention from Modern Warfare 2. Watch as quickscopers jizz themselves over the return of the rifle that ruined sniping for everyone.
- S-Ravage: The SPAS-12 from Modern Warfare 2. Excessive range and high damage will sit people on their ass halfway across the map.
- M1: The M1 Garand, because for some reason every fucking CoD game nowadays has to have a version of this thing.
- Hornet: The Glock 18 from Modern Warfare 2. Fires fast as fucking shit.
Bring a knife to a gun fight.
- Knife: Infinity Ward adopted the same anti-panic knife system Treyarch did with Black Ops III. Enjoy your shitty two hit melees again.
- Fists: Because the knife is gone again, you get stuck with your stupid fists if you have an empty weapon slot.
- Axe: What the fuck.
Wonder weapons for the masses.
- Claw: Used by Warfighter. Basically a full auto scattergun that sends rounds ricocheting off every fucking surface on the map. Can clear entire rooms in seconds.
- Steel Dragon: Used by Merc. Fires a beam of energy that automatically splits to take out nearby targets. Crowd control at it's fucking finest.
- Equalizer: Used by Synaptic. Dual silenced machine guns pop out of your arms and you proceed to mow down crowds of faggots... or at least try to since these things run out of ammo in fucking seconds.
- Eraser: Used by FTL and aimed like a nigger. This fucking pistol completely vaporizes targets in one shot provided your aim isn't shit.
- Gravity Vortex Gun: Used by Stryker. Basically a big ass bazooka that fires a moving black hole that sucks shit in and rapes the fuck out of enemies. Basically it's a BFG-9000.
- Ballista EM3: Used by Phantom. Sniper rifle with built in aimbot that one shot kills everything. Lulz worthy because it causes insanely glitchy ragdolling.
Official LOLcow Status
As of May 7, 2016, Infinite Warfare has earned the holy status of being the most disliked trailer for a CoD game, ever. Let's analyse the trailer really quick, actually no because there is so much shit going on that it makes it physically impossible for a normal, healthy human to understand the trailer. The CoD community, fed up with Exo Suits, Bombing Runs, System Hacks, and One Shot One Kill Won't Even Hear It Coming essentially dislike bombed the trailer leaving it with nearly 3,000,000 and climbing compared to a little over 350,000 likes which is probably the only lulzy thing the cancer that is the CoD community will probably ever do. Infinity Ward responded basically by saying Infinite Warfare was the future for CoD and that the Modern Warfare Remaster is for people who want to go run around and kill sandniggers and slavs again, which just so happens to be the entire CoD community. The could have just canned Infinite Warfare and sold Modern Warfare by itself and turned an even bigger profit because that's how glued to nostalgia these faggots are, but they might actually be truly right about CoD4, the fuckfest we all love to hate being better than the graphics from 2010 space opera with some gay ass cover of Space Oddity in the background. Things got funnier when Battlefield 1's trailer dropped on May 6, 2016 which is by the way, a World War I shooter with fucking water cooled machine guns, big ass blimps, and bi-planes. No jumping two stories in the air, no Scythe to kill your entire team, just plain-ass, normal, everyday, no question about it, no Exo suit, no (insert futoriztics word here) Warfare, no killstreaks, no guns that shoot lightning from across the map, no one liner cracking faggots that everyone is forced to play as, no brokeback, dime-back, Nickelback, simple, ordinary, unembellished, unmistakable, crystal clear, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom bomb, one compound word: it's motherfucking, goddamned, sons-of-bitchin', fuck-fuck-fucking WARFARE! Since then, a large sum of CoD's fanbase have either joined forces with EA's equally cancerous Battlefield community or have put all their faith into CoD4's remaster.
Do the world a favor and please dislike this video at least ten times.
- Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare - The same game.
- Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 - The same game.
- Halo - The same game.
- Titanfall - The same game.
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare is part of a series on
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