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Lance Jones, also known by the amazingly creative names of OCCrew and BurningLJ, or some stylish amalgamation of the two - is currently a freelance cartoonist-cum-animator, from a very impoverished (haha, lol) background.
To divulge the detail, LJ (an abbreviation of Lance Jones), left Highschool soon after he was diagnosed with Fervantly Accute Gonorrhea Syndrome (FAGS), after his social-awkwardness reached a peak before he graduated. During his schooling, and indeed childhood, LJ had always (like most nerds or general misfits) shown an interest in anime/manga, this obsession was mainly focused around hentai.
In Southern Louisiana in 1983, a super-secret super-hero named Streetwalker gave birth mysteriously to Lance Jones. The ominous super-hero was loved by her son, to the point of abuse. He followed her everywhere and still suckled from her decaying nipples for brunch every day. She shut him off from the world upon diagnosis of a terrible disease. He entered the internet, entered the internet's underage citizens, and so we entered him. Before we had entered him, he had been a far-from-budding entrepreneurial shitty artist, living in a swamp (for real) in (see below). He had beforehand also "published" (moar liek shat-out - amirite?) some books through equally crappy sites like LuLu.com. His history is long and intricate yet summed up by the word "fail".
—Neither can we...
He decided to become a full-time illustrator after he failed at getting a job. He actually had completed his first book, Art Scaled Visions - The First Six Years, including 603 pages his unique style; it has been speculated that each white-person drawn, looks like a tortoise of some kind, while ever nigra drawn looks awfully like a white version of Will Smith (What am I saying, I mean, a black version of the already white Will Smith). His further works (in Chronological order) are, Adventures Destiny - Volume I, Adventures Destiny - Volume II, Random Shizznit - Volume I, Random Shizznit - Volume II (discontinued due to lack of the necessary level of shit) and finally, his collaboration with his baby sister (or rather ex-girlfriend) Luigispiritkeeper08, Legend of the Lancaro Stone. If you have lots of cash to (literally) burn, and are looking for lulz, then it has been recommended you buy one of his books to mock and then set-alight. It has been done before (pictures coming soon).
Lance currently abides at a collection of sites, mostly art-related; the biggest of these being DevianTART and YouTube (for a full list see, External Links). It is very fun to bug him on these sites, or his friends, who'll soon have articles of their own!
- LJ is currently in "friends lockdown", from fear of Trolling.
- LJ is currently scared of his phone due to prank-calls.
- LJ has currently deleted five accounts to avoid Trolling. Did it work? Guess.
- LJ recently suffered a period of self-harm.
- He suffered this period after receiving *shock-horror* a critique!
- LJ plays Megaman 9.
- LJ is 28, born 1983.
- LJ cannot tell the date.
- LJ has no real family, except his Mother.
- LJ sexually targeted a fourteen year-old, who then became his sister.
Most events discussed took place on LJ's fuckhole on DevianTART, where he used to reign supreme until the Troll-patrol-of-lol came along to fuck-it-up. However, his YouTube accounts were most affected. A refreshed version of the timeline shall be posted each month to cover that month's lulz-worthy activities. The majority of activities took place during the months of March, May, and April. If you feel an event needs to be added to the list please contact this page's editor.
—Contrary to popular belief...
Lance Jones joined DevianTART almost two years ago (under the awe-inspiring username BurningLJ), after he began looking for ways in which he good advertise his artistic mastery, and easily look for little girls to love in a non-platonic way. He succeeded in both (yes, both) goals; building a "fanbase" - AKA a group of Nintendtards whose art lacked the oh-so-special crap quality that LJ's exhibits, and are instead at the level of mere MS Paint crap. The very bottom of the well.
LJ's fans soon turned to friends, as he met the German gay-couple Chaos and Night, one of which was currently in a closet relationship with e-community bike Paigie, also known for her completely non-retarded name Luigispiritkeeper08. LJ saw his chance and got "stuck in" (quite literally). He immediately befriended the fourteen year old Paigie, they quickly became more than friends, however, LJ's menstrual period (LJ is in an infinite state of PMS, a sympton of his FAG syndrome - see above...somewhere) always got in the way of them actually having cybersex.
His art also soon took off, he ended up recently with over 35,000 page-views, proving just how fucking retarded the world actually is. Of course he and his friends live by the philosophy "popularity = artistic-skill", and so believe him to be a God with MS Paint.
Of course, the trumpets that are dA haven't always piped the tune LJ has wanted. Quite recently - last december (see trolling timeline) - a series of challengers came in the same package as his young love Paigie did. These "challengers" took up lulz with LJ, constantly being disgusted by his fucking retarded turtle porn. Of course not really turtles. No of course not.
They're Koopas. Big difference. Hang on, no, they're not even Koopas, they're Aeonians (pronounced Eeee-on-ians - with a Louisianan accent). Even bigger difference.
Aeonians, of course, are LJ's own unique original race of completely-non-nintendo-related fighting beaked humanoid whatevers, that just happen to look very similar to, and be created by a hardcore fan of Nintendo's koopas. Why anyone would want to plagiarize them is your mom's guess...LJ's earliest critics were those who pointed out the sheer perviness of his deviations, as well as their relation to koopas. He got annoyed about this and - much-a-flustered - stopped drawing 46 LL boobs followed by an ass of a size rivaled only by his own mother...
This did not stop those pesky Trolls, who continued their critiques of LJ's work right up to the point of making him almost leave dA several times! His fans continued to grow of course - as did the velocity of the Trolls' attacks. LJ apparently stopped drawing thanks to the Trolls, however this apparent success was shortlived, considering he rekindled his shit again a few weeks ago; though nowhere near as much crap was being churned out as before.
While LJ's life on dA was descending into utter shit, on YouTube (at least for the first month) he recorded his angst in secret "rant" videos which were discovered by the Trolls eventually, leading up to yet more lulz on their part.
An example of LJ's animating prowess to the right. "What The Fuck" is the phrase you're looking for...
If there ever has been lulz to be had on JewTube, the best of it has been helped along by the entrepreneurial protagonist of all things retarded, Lance Jones. After
apparent...erm, some level of recognition for his "high-quality" artwork - comics and what-not - LJ decided to branch out his ever growing franchise into animation.
As expected he did crap. Crap. CRAP. CRAAAAAP. Metamorphing his fetishes from pen-and-pencil into Flash MX, he created three-minute-long after three-minute-long videos normally advertising another three-minute-long video apparently always a week away from completion. This video was normally nothing but one of his pictures uploaded the last night onto DevianTART, reconstituted on Windows Movie Maker to the point of KFC like abuse (mind you, black-people do like
rape hookers crime alot of things - especially done in KFC.... This shitty reconstitution is basically adding sound to a picture which moves around the screen never revealing the full image. What fun.
He started on YouTube with one channel, BurningLJ, which he submitted
over 9000 over 300 pieces of shit to. These gained him popularity, 'cause evgeryone know shits better than whatever it was his fans were submitting. He soon had a large level of friends und subscribers. Most of which had clung-on to his sweaty underside in his emegration from dA at the end of 2007. This all stayed dandy until the Trolls moved in on dA. He shouldn't have baited them onto YouTube.
After he had (through "rant" videos complaining about how hard his life was and how he was being cyber-stalked, cyber-bullied and cyber-raped every fucking instant of his life), however, he soon regretted it, given the Trolls soon managed to shove him off all three accounts he'd made over the year. This marked the start of the end of LJ's internet life.
—LJ, in response to a plea of help from an ex-friend...the dirty bastard
Once LJ had received a suitably placed slap on the nose from the ever-caring Trolls at dA, through prank-call, spam, criticism, flaming and whatever else Trolls do. He calmed down and stepped back into the shadows of the internet, to unknown shitty art sites like Sheezy Art, Side 7, and Storm Artists. His flaunt there was short-lived, as he soon announced on YouTube the cause of his recent grouchiness to his friends. Apparently they hadn't been doing enough to support him throughout the tough times he'd been having with the cyber-bullying and the trolls and the flames and the oh-so-mean critics!!1!1!
He decided they had not been being nice enough to him, not as supportive, all those people that is, who didn't watch every single "rant" video, or even comment on every single piece of angst art he posted up. These people (the sensible ones to you and I) caused LJ all this unnecessary hurt! How mean of them.
He soon lost contact with a lot of his past fan-base, mainly through insulting them through those videos. His videos used to receive at least 100 views a day. Now it's down to at most 10 overall per video. (The Trolls seem successful!) Even though lots of people lost interest in the boring old attention whore (he's not even willing to show us his tits like the ones on /B/) do) there did remain a very hard-core of supporters, including his Brother/Father (Incest - see below.), his Mother/Sister, his Fiance/Sister/God-only-knows - Luigispiritkeeper08. His videos resumed their previous levels of shit and nintendo music... wait, they're the same thing!
This section covers the details about LJ's family and romantic lives. Oh wait. They are the same thing now!
—Friends?, You may be surprised to learn this.
LJ's life works much like that of somebody with schizophrenia. He fails at finding friends, love, admiration, sex etc. in the real world, and so, has been forced to look elsewhere for
what every human needs every human except members of /B/ needs. Outside the internets, Lj's life is sad. His Mother dislikes him (he's been living off her pension for years), his aunt dislikes him (he's been living off her sister's pension for years), his dad died of wiki:erotic asphyxiation, and all other members of his family just won't accept that he exists.
Unfortunately, the instant he turned on Internet Explorer, instead of finding instant happiness on 4Chan (even if it did require the selling of his soul), he chose to join DevianTART. Yeah. Here he met Greggj Anus, SilverHammerBro (pervert-incarnate) and last and least Nessy (pronounced NESSSSS-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH). These soon gravitated towards him in a freaky-geeky galaxy of retardedness, soon becoming the backbone of the Aeonian Resistance (LJ's e-army against the Trolls!). These friends of LJ's became close for their separate reasons. Greggj because him and LJ both share fuglyness, Silver because they both share the same fetishes (and are both ethnic minorities) and finally Assburger Nessy, because she is gagging for dah black e-cawk.
They all formed a solid resistance of self-encouragement (moar liek delusion amirite?) concerning their individual artwork, believing in each other just like true friends should! It all seemed perfect till she came along.
When she did come along, it was partly because her uncles/brothers/boyfriends, Chaos and Night, new LJ from the time they'd spent fapping away over his hawt lesbian pr0n - or "busty art" as he himself calls it. They unleashed their dog, Luigispiritkeeper08 on LJ as a sign of their thanks for all the liters they'd used up. She instantly became his protégé, studying his skillz in the field, and sucking his dick in chatroom cybersex, they soon fell in e-love. He asked her to be his lawfully wedded wife over notes on dA, where she said yes, becoming the future "Mrs Paigee E Jones"! Heart-warming, hey?
The story doesn't end there. Obviously, LJ though somewhere in his
negroid brain that if he has something he finds incredibly cute, Paige in this case, then he should automatically mix it with another thing he finds cute - the Family. Through no fault of his "conscious", LJ and Paige became siblings, automatically signaling calls of "WTF EWWWW, that's disgusting!" from fans and enemies alike. (Haha, lol...)
This - however - did not discourage Paige, who continued to be an fraternising little incestual tart, by officially making her ex-sex-partners, the German nerds Chaos and Night into Uncles. WTF. It should also be mentioned that they DID engage in cybersex, and Paige was fourteen at the time, while LJ was in fact 26. He, Chaos and NIght masturbated over a fourteen year old girl child, while with the relative age differences of 12, 5 and 5 years. Kinda gross I find. Not only are they creepy, but they're creepy paedophiles! Double-jeopardy!
The craziness did not end there though. Once the Trolls had spent a long time pointing these age differences out to LJ, he decided to ditch the bitch (at last), finally throwing off the stigma and becoming an ex-incestual-paedophile as opposed to an incestual-paedophile. I think we can all agree this is some improvement.
His entire family - he belongs to a large group - can be seen below in the Fucktard Family Tree. Please note, each member of the family can be found on DevianTART by typing in the AKA (As Known As) for a username. Goodluck.
—Honest Randomer, is honest.
So, what happened next?
Well, long has it been since LJ completely quit life and all social interaction with his efamily to return to the dark pit from whence he came with his RL mother. Not much has happened since this, that is at least what apears to be the case. Secretly LJ has been gathering up his strength to make one more push to become a world famous manga/anime artist. This failed in a very non-dramatic, un-lulzy way and he just retired to his secret base at Furaffinity where retards outnumber trolls 37:1. In these conditions, LJ thought, he would be safe from any further vitriolic flame wars. He was half right... The Trolls that had haunted him in the past no longer gave a shit and became too busy with srs bsns to quite frankly care.
LJ now decieves himself with grandiose illusions (which possibly took place in somekind of alternate reality) where he claims victories over the defeated legions of Trolls that marauded him and his fine art in jealousy of his masterpieces. However, in the real world, the Trolls just lost interest, as said, though they decided to still keep tabs on the lulz-specimen and know that he now hides at BurningLJ on FurAffinity as well as at BurningLJ, where he posts lulzy videos like these:
LJ is an unavoidable magnet for Trolls, which flocked to him after he gained celebrity status once he became
husband brother brother-with-privileges of Luigispiritkeeper08. At first he kept up a worthy defense, hastily blocking everyone, even those who's comment (on his deviation) was something less than "OMG LOVE THOSE [BOOBS]*!!!!!!111!1!1!!1one!1111 *droooools*" (*dependable on the subject of the specific deviation).
- How to be a Successful Troll!
—The editor, to you
- Criticism of any of his art. **** - "Recommended."
- Claims that he is a paedophile. **** - "Works well when spammed."
- Responding to his videos on YouTube with better videos. ** - "Unguaranteed response."
- Posting his home address repeatedly. *** - "Risky, but still a good'n."
- Assertions that he is dumb.
- Assertions that his race is inferior.
- Assertions that he is poor.
- Telling him he's a virgin man-child.
Documenting the Lulz
(Please note the amazing CSS in his journals!)
Incredibly lulzalicious journals came about during a period of intense Trolling around March/April 2009. The ones shown below were the only ones left after LJ departed on a rampage of truly epic proportion where he deleted a large quantity of good journals. Such a shame screen-cap didn't get in there...
Her most recent journal; the context here is that a recent surge of critical trolls began spamming his page with advice, which he obviously rejected due to the continued shittiness of his art.
The epic fail "Jack" being a Successful troll, whom had recently been successful in Trolling LJ - making him all butthurt with his massive fuck-club. This journal is otherwise a failed attempt at pretending the Troll has had no effect. The very fact that the journal exists refutes this entirely.
Over time the already Successful Troll became even more successful, even making him admit he is in fact a shit-artist! Rejoice.
Possibly last journal!HAHAHA; DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!
It is highly possible that this journal is to be the last journal ever seen from LJ - at least on DevianTART, that is - it looks like the passing flame war has proved too much for him. Let's all put our palms together and pray to Anonymous, please let it be true!
Update: It wasn't the last journal, which of course is fundamentally bad 'cause it means more effort is needed to remove him from the internets. Spoil-sport that LJ is. However, it is also good (in a way), 'cause more time equals more lulz.
Criticizing the Critics (Artwork)
Over his time on DevianTART, LJ's works have naturally drawn a lot of attention, mainly as they are shit and lacking in anatomy, perspective, shading, and detail. Every time an honest critic - genuinely wanting to help - comes onto his page offering their constructive critique, LJ persists to report them as spam, block them, make several journals over the period of a day, in which he will attention whore and interact with 120% angst in every/each of the comments he gives out.
The more true the critique given, the longer the period of whoring will last, with the maximum being over a week - in which he left the site permanently, making a journal declaring his fare-wells (while still whoring incessantly of course.
Sticking to habit, he overreacted truly spectacularly when spammed with a particularly critical comment from a particular Troll on his main page; posting an image of himself in cartoon form attacking a critic to show just how well he takes criticism!
- Good Critical Comments
—Anonymous Critic, on LJ's artistic-abominations
—Anonymous Critic, on LJ's artistic-abominations
- Videos Responses (concerning criticisms)
The first video tells us the most about just how much LJ truly cares for these disgusting critics's comments. It also shows us his interpretation of his friends, and, their impact on his life. Firstly, GreggJanus (the ginger one) has always been there to help him. This is reflected when he passed some kind of remote to LJ, whom seems depressed. Depressed, that is, until his darling sister/wife comes along in her hippo form!
Due to his terribly abusive childhood in the swamps of Louisiana, as well as his traumatically repressed sexual urge for his own Mother, as you can probably imagine, LJ grew up pretty fucked up.
Now as an adult he indulges in watching furry pr0n while drawing Turtles (or fucked up alligators) with astonishingly enhanced breasts/asses. The reasoning behind this particular hourglass enhancement is simple: it's what his mother looks like most of the time. You can piece the rest together.
- BurningLJ on DevianTART
- BurningLJ's Sister/GF on DevianTART
- BurningLJ's BF on DevianTARD
BurningLJ's active YouTube accountBALEETED BurningLJ's old YouTube accountDELETED Original TrollBANNED
BurningLJ is part of a series on
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