Bike is a human-powered vehicle with two wheels used primarily by poor people such as niggers and people in third-world countries. But hey, who can tell the difference?
The Bike as a Vehicle
Riding a bike is an excellent way to quickly go downhill. It has also been suggested that going uphill on one may be effective at reducing fattiness but this has not been confirmed outside of the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. It is also a great way to get your face fucked up or even die, especially if you play chicken with cars like a retard. Beyond this the bike serves little purpose other than to make the rider look poor/dumb/gay or like a useless hipster.
Bike racing has been a popular women's sport for at least 100 years, but gained popularity in the latter part of the 20th century amongst the homosexual male community. The face of the sport has changed radically since then, transforming from a competition centered around crossing a finish line in a short period of time into a marathon-like contest of who can wear the shortest and tightest spandex shorts while bouncing on their dong-like bike seat for the longest period of time. The French, of course, dominated most international dong riding competitions, and bike racing was no exception; they host the annual Tour des Fags, the most noteworthy competition of its type, in which hundreds of gay men mount their love bikes and engage in self-administered anal sex in public, on the road daily for nearly a month at a time. Some fucker with one ball though came around completely dominated the sport though, including forcefully sodomizing the French, and as a result all the other bikers took vast quantity of drugs to try and keep up.
Tree Huggers and Bikes
Due to the non-existent requirements for gasoline that bikes present, their use has become extremely prevalent among hippies, hipsters, and other tree huggers under the illusion that they can contribute to cleaner air by peddling their stank asses around like rolling filth bombs. In cities where the hippy infestations are particularly virulent such as Seattle, WA and Sacramento, CA, the smell of cannabis, patchouli oil and Indian hobo crotch is inescapable even within the comfort of one's car on the freeway due to the number of hippies on bikes.
English Gentlemen and Bikes
Once upon a time, there was a man who was consciously aware of his physical state. As a result, he turned to the exercising past-time of utilizing a wheeled machine known as a bicycle to maintain his own fitness. One day it happened to chance that a man of African American descent saw this man as he utilized the wheeled machine for exercise, and when he ceased his exercise momentarily for a break, seized upon his chance to abscond with the wheeled machine, resulting in a hilarious and much televised chase. Ha, ha, ha.
Niggas & Bikes
Nigga Stole My Bike (or, Nigger Stole My Bike/Nigga Stole Muh Bike) is probably hailed as one of the popular, long-running memes even before the trend of memes began circulating on the interwebs. Ever since your grandparents can remember back in the 1920s, niggers were always known to collect things from rich white neighborhoods especially bikes; the exact reason for this practice is unknown, but it's theorized that niggas stole the bikes because those big, rubber seats made their dicks stay hard while peddling fast enough, building their sex drive as well as the amount of cum flow to rape women. Or it just could have been a trend for the niggaz to move fast and fool cops after they were caught stealing somewhere. Due to this trend of niggers stealing so many bikes over the years, residents from said rich neighborhoods would cry to the police, "Nigga stole my bike!" Bicycle locks were invented for this reason, but it's useless now since niggaz became smart enough to steal your bank account.
Much like Jews & Gold, Nigras like to collect things but in their case it is others' bikes. As can be seen in the recent news clippings to the left Nigra bike theft is common place and the threat posed to all of us is equal to that of Al Gore and Furries.
As of 2:37 AM on April 18th, 2009 the chance of having your bike stolen within 10 minutes of buying has dropped to 30%. This is probably due to niggas getting smarter and realizing that bike stores generally don't lock their bikes up. On a side note, WalMart stores have STARTED to lock their bikes up to keep niggas off.
Homosexuals & Bikes
It is common knowledge that all serious cyclists keep their legs shaved smoother than the average sorostitute's legs. While some argue that this prevents road rash and infection in the event of a crash, it is also quite obvious that any man who shaves his legs is flaming homo or, moar likely, a trap.
Bicycles, in gentrified areas, are becoming more and more popular amongst young hipsters. As a symbol of the uniqueness and individuality of the hipster generation, bikes offer a great way to incorporate basic tenets of hipster culture, such as irony and environmental friendliness, into a transportation system. It is known that Hipsters pride themselves on being subversive and interesting individuals in a world full of squares and robots. However, for some strange reason, all of them coincidentally happen to have a serious love of bicycles (along with a fondness for drinking 40's and fapping to the Arcade Fire). Bikes have been proven to be the most effective vehicle for transportation to American Apparel stores and basement shows by bands you've never heard of.
There are also a select few crazy fags that bike on "Xtreme off-road trails," but they are rare as they usually end up killing themselves in hilarious ways. Those that manage to survive often have severe brain damage, though it is often difficult to diagnose how much damage has been sustained due to the fact that they are often fucking retarded in the first place.
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