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Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
Azumanga Daioh is a manga-turned-anime featuring schoolgirls, lolis, pedophiles, and a hell of a lot of shit stuck in between. The series is notable in that it features only one male main character, and he is a raging pedophile. It is also that rare kind of anime filled with schoolgirls which lacks all manner of softcore rule 34, even lacking so much as a pantyshot. Although that doesn't stop otakus smelling the scent of vaginas in the air whenever they watch the show, which inevitably causes furious masturbation. To make up for the lack of breast groping gags, every character is therefore one or more of the following:
- A lesbian
- Completely mentally retarded
- Somewhat intelligent or a genius
- So athletic, they could run in the Olympics
- A raging alcoholic
- A raging pedophile
- An animal plushie
- An animal
- Plain batshit crazy
Fun fact: "Azumanga" is a portmanteau of the author's name, "Azuma", and the word "manga", while "Daioh" comes from the magazine in which it was originally published, Dengeki Daioh. ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?!
The entire series follows a small handful of schoolgirls over 3 years crammed into a series or two, yet none of them seem to age in the slightest or grow bigger in the chest area. Nothing really interesting happens, and it ends with them leaving school. The writers were obviously drunk and left to their own devices while writing the script. And that's about it, you're pretty much up to date. This video sums up the whole series in a nutshell.
The token loli of the series at around 10 years old, which means she has never even heard of the word "tits", let alone have any.
She is the mega ultra super genius of the entire show, which is why she's in the same year as a bunch of retarded teenagers. Don't get too excited before you fuck a random person on the street and try to raise it as a super-genius to make money off of it (not that you can get any anyway), because a minor getting into a higher education school never happens IRL by law.
Chiyo is the definition of a Mary Sue because she is good at almost everything. The only exceptions are sports, at which she is about as useful as a week-old turd, and tongue-twisters. Because of her age, she is vulnerable to getting raped by pedophiles, because even Kimura is interested in some sweet virgin loli pie. She's fucking rich and spends most of her time at home with her dog which she mounts as a mode of transport. Late into the series, she looks after Sakaki's wild cat and invites Sakaki to her house for tea and crumpets. She's also notable for wearing that fucking stupid penguin costume.
After the end of the series, she moves to America to get plowed by some western manmeat.
The dumbshit character of the series. Pretty much the antithesis of Chiyo, Osaka is good at absolutely nothing. She is a transfer student who was nicknamed for the place she came from and is the first member of the "Knuckleheads". In the first episode, she was expected to act like a typical "Osakan", who is apparently meant to be loud and have a sense of fucking humor. However, she couldn't be any further from expectation, as she turns out to be the Slowpoke of Azumanga Daioh, in that she's dumber than a bag full of bricks. Even if one were to combine Chris-chan, Scientologists, and Tartlets into one persona, they wouldn't even compare to the complete and utter lack of rational thought in this chick's head. She also has a really wild imagination, imagining stupid shit when the situation doesn't call for it. For example, she thinks about Chiyo's pigtails being sentient beings controlling her every move, or Chiyo being able to use them as wings. Her thickheadedness does however make her a super fucking genius at solving riddles. She falls asleep in all of her classes and yet somehow still manages to pass her exams at the end of the series. Despite her retardation, Osaka does manage to be one of the better characters in the show, due to the amount of lulz she produces. Considering the competition, however, being the best character on this show isn't saying much.
Everyone who watches this shitty animu will always erotically fantasize about Osaka at least 100 times in every episode because of the gormless and "plain-looking" face she has. In the English version, she was given a Southern accent to reflect the fact that her parents were brother and sister.
She is basically Osaka if she were a hyperactive whore with the stamina of a fatass who has never exercised a day in her life, and she is the second member of the "Knuckleheads". She is somehow the best friend of and a total bitch to Yomi, sharing tampons when they're outside of school and is the Queen of USI. She constantly tries too hard and challenges people to competitions she can't win, most notably challenging Sakaki to a race and losing. Miserably.
She cuts her hair late into the series which makes her look like more of a dyke for fanboys, who believe she is gay for Yomi while others think she craves the touch of the higher species. Oh, and she smashes watermelons on the beach, to show that she really hates the cock. Her constant hatin' on Chiyo may well be a result of her closeted homosexuality.
The token fatass of the series and polar opposite in personality to Tomo. She pretends to be the most mature person in the series by acting the oldest, although it's just a complete ruse. She likes playing sports and is pretty athletic, but she is a total
anorexic fatass, constantly going on diets because she's bigger than a house. Her jelly-rolls and stockings make her erotic to Tomo, so Tomo injects her food with lard to keep her from shedding all that weight.
She also loves to sing, but sounds like 10,000 dying cats.
The first of the two teenage characters in the entire series to own a pair of tits the size of watermelons when compared to the others. She barely speaks, is the tallest girl in the series, has a batshit insane psycho-bitch-lesbian-stalker and has never worked out a day in her life but is the most athletic girl in the entire school, yet her tits never seem to get in the way. It's later revealed that she has an obsession with cats and all manner of things cute, which includes Chiyo. This results in her having a keen interest in bestiality and being a lolicon, while being a lesbian at the same time.
Despite the fact that she loves cats, one cat in particular hates her with a passion for some reason and is frequently seen biting her hand as a sort of running gag in the show. Said cat eventually goes so far as to gather an entire army of cats to rape her and Chiyo in an alleyway, but a wild cat she found on an island tracks her down and saves her before passing out. She decides to keep it at Chiyo's house during the day while she's at school because "her mum is allergic to cats" and won't let any in the house. Boo-hoo.
The second of the two teenage characters in the entire series to own a pair of tits the size of watermelons, which is ironic because girls with large tits usually suck at sports. Kagura joined the class in the second year, replacing Kaori as a main character after people realized that Kaori was a shitty character. Kagura is a stereotypical female jock with a strong passion for sports: she lives, breathes, eats, shits and would fuck sports in the arse if she could. Due to being on the swim team, she has the darkest skin of all the characters due to her constant tan. Kagura makes up the third and final member of the "Knuckleheads" because as you'd expect from someone who arse-rapes sports, she is a total fucking retard and cannot divide by zero to save her life. Despite this, she does manage to get her shit together by the end of the series, making her at least better than Tomo.
Despite her obsession with all things sporty, she is second best to Sakaki. Kagura begins to see Sakaki as a rival or some shit, but nothing ever comes of it and it's completely forgotten about by the end of the series.
There's nothing truly noteworthy about her as she was introduced late into the series and even then just sort of exists in the background. But her grins make her the female equivalent to the Cockmongler.
She is constantly stalking Sakaki wherever she goes, inviting herself along to any "trips" the group go on to scissor with her. She constantly plans to rape Sakaki in her sleep, but gets too nervous to do anything and instead has a fucking heart attack. Kaori has literally no other personality traits besides being in love with Sakaki. The next in-series year, Kagura joins their class, and pretty much replaces Kaori as a main character. To rub salt into the wound even further, in the third year she gets changed to Kimura's class and is split up from the main cast. From this point on, she has very little screentime. Any screentime she does have involves her being constantly stalked and almost raped multiple times by Kimura.
Kaori's friend who was forgotten after the third episode. All she did was work on some projects and was so retarded she had to get taught everything by Chiyo and then just burst into tears at the realization that she's a fucking retard. Her short haircut and similar appearance to Tomo suggests she's a dyke and is most likely Kaorin's first crush until she saw Sakaki's huge tits.
After the aforementioned third episode, she is only seen one more time, and then never again. She likely became an hero.
The best teacher in the whole fucking world. She is the bane of Nyamo's existence, known to be almost always drunk, never gets any and as such is quite possibly a virgin. She has questionable driving skills which can scar a 10-year old for life and she can speak and teach Engrish. She never shuts the fuck up and is often competitive towards Nyamo, trying to out-do her for her students' popularity by going to such lengths as taking her entire class out to the swimming pool without notice and somehow not getting fired. Get it? The joke is that she acts immature, but she's a teacher! And teacher's aren't supposed to act immature! But she still does! It's so whacky! If asked why she acts like she does IRL, she would most likely reply: "I do it for the lulz".
Nobody knows why Nyamo is friends with her, but it's thought that they're gay for each other because everyone in anime wants to fuck each other right?
The polar opposite of Yukari. Nyamo is a kind, popular P.E. teacher who seems to put up with Yukari's lulz-inducing mayhem in an attempt to make herself seem like the better man for some reason. She can be brought down to Yukari's level from time to time, slowly becoming an alcoholic to put up with it all.
She was a total whore when she was younger, as she revealed after getting shit-faced. She told stories of her many sexual encounters to the girls, mentally scarring them and turning them on in the process. Except for Chiyo, who naturally was ignorant of what sex was. Nyamo doesn't get any during the entire series because Yukari's mere presence is the ultimate cockblock.
Mascot of the show, because the Japanese just love floating yellow cats which make retarded sound effects as they move.
He can speak Engrish and Japanese (English and Spanish in the English version), and makes cameos throughout the series, but is never acknowledged by any of the characters except Osaka and Sakaki in their respective dreams. In Sakaki's dream, he claims to be Chiyo's father, hence where the name came from. So by that logic, her mother fucked a cat and actually managed to conceive and give birth to a human child. They all sit down for dinner like a normal happy family until he threatens to blow up the house for asking if he is a cat. In Osaka's dream, they were talking about birds, cats and cat tongues before having her tongue ripped out, because that's a totally normal reaction to telling someone you have a sensitive tongue. Osaka doesn't seem to notice that he is a fucking cat, instead just telling him he looks like Bill Clinton. (Or "Mori the last Prime Minister" in the Japanese version.)
He seems to have fucking huge mood swings with violent tendencies, not unlike The Red Guy from Cow and Chicken.
Pedobear in human form with an immunity from the law, and the father of the cancer known as mai waifu. He likes schoolgirls and doesn't keep that fact to himself. It all began when Tomo asked him a question about why he became a teacher and BAM! the creepiness began, along with his trademark permanent rapeface. He was hailed as a God by generic male characters for admitting that he likes the teenage pie, but is never fired for sexual harassment or for being a creepy fuck.
Throughout the series, he tries any way he can to get the girls to dress up in tight swimsuits so he can fap to them in the corner because swimsuits are a Jap's fetish. Despite his all-out obsession with teenage pie, the only girl he wants to fuck senseless is Kaori, the only confirmed lesbian in the show. Later in the series it's revealed he has a dumbshit wife and daughter, neither of which seem to care that he pines after the arses of his students.
- Action: Can't you fucking read? Nothing happens!
- Lulz: 9001 if you're a fangirl. About 0.35 if you're like how a Trekkie is to Star Trek, to anime.
- Pedophilia: Why don't you take a seat over there...
- Morals: There's no violence or suggested slavery themes, or anything for that matter.
- Overall: It's about the same level as Lucky Star, so it's complete shit. But it's worth a chuckle or two at someone's expense for liking the show.
- Kimura sings "Little Girls"
- TOW page on the show. Vandalize for great justice!
- Chiyo on rule34.paheal.net
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