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    Avatar: The Last Airbender

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    ED CLEANER 2.jpg This article needs a serious clean up

    Somebody should do something about it.

    Info non-talk.png Not to be confused with James Cameron's 2009 movie Avatar, which has more to do with blue, tall alien furfags than it does a shota with the powers of water, fire, air and dirt.
    The Last Airbender

    The popular fake animu series Avatard was created by two faggot weeaboos in order to amass obscene piles of Jew gold from other weeaboos. Otaku are known to cry and scream that Avatar isn't animu as it was made by Americans but they can go suck a dick because.

    This show being overrated and now having being made into an epic fail movie is about a bunch of whiny teensies who know kung fu and have the ability to summon natural powers. They spend most of their time learning valuable lessons about lame shit and teaching white children an extremely loose interpretation of Azn voodoo moon religion. Aimed at the 6-11 age demographic it naturally has a bunch of batshit insane fans in their 20's and 30's that make this shitty show all kinds of uncomfortable for the fine peoples of the Internets.


    File:Pokemon = Avatar....jpg
    The show has an exciting and original plot.

    A bunch of Azns willfully segregate themselves into kingdoms according to who can throw what elements out of their hands until these fire dickholes, who totally don't ooze Imperialist Japan/Communist China out of every orifice at all, invade the Airbender kingdom and kill every single air nomad, and pillage everyone else for 100 years. A little kid who was frozen in an iceberg for those 100 years has to CATCH 'EM ALL. Yeah. That's about it.


    Aang and Zuko IRL.

    • Aang: A painfully saccharine and wide-eyed shota and a Skinhead who's supposed to save the world with the power of blasphemous godly Azn magic. His innocent appearance masks his perverted fantasies of fucking the only girl who will talk to him. Fangirls insist he is a "smooth ladies man", even though the last time he's seen a cunt is when he was born.
    • Sokka: Katara's powerless brother and typical village idiot. Has a boomerang, despite the fact that he doesn't live in Australia. Likes to fuck sluts.
    • Suki: A kabuki cosplaying bitch whose anomalous existence as Sokka's fuck buddy could only be explained as the creators' hardcore fantasies come to life. Lives on an island with only bitches. An obvious butch.
    • Zuko: An emo victim mama's boy with daddy issues who goes through more character and costume changes than anyone else in the show because the writers couldn't decide who the fuck he's supposed to be. Obsessed over by fangirls. Faps to his mom when he's alone at night.
    • Azula: Angry lesbo who also fucks her daddy on the side. Formerly a queen bee, she was betrayed by her "friends" when they realized how much of a psychotic bitch she was, subsequently leading her to develop paranoid schizophrenia and leaving her susceptible to pwnage by Zuko and Katara in the last episode.
    • Mai: Zuko's canon slut and the hottest bitch on this overrated weeaboo show and eh is pretty cool, pwns batshit main villain bitches with ninja knives and doesn't afraid of anything. Universally loathed and loved by retarded fangirls.
    • Jet: Azn bum who flooded a town off the map in an attempt to impress Katara, but she rejected him on the spot. In season 2, his habit of snitching finally got him killed and no one cared about him after that.
    • Iroh: The Yoda of the Avatar show. Pretty cool for a fat old man, seeing how he can still get ripped while being over 9000 years old. Solves all problems with tea. Is the only character on the show who's even worth mentioning.
    • Ozai: Emperor who kills people for the lulz. Is more or less the animated version of Adolf Hitler, but with a goatee instead of a toothbrush mustache.


    Obviously nothing in this world would be so lulzy without an insane and rabid fanbase populated by maladjusted tweens and manchildren behind it. As Avatar rose in popularity, its level of fantards began to reach critical mass, and if it weren't for the film, it's estimated they would of become as horrifying as Sonic fans by 2012. And while all the bitching, shipping and flames goes on, the creators are just sitting back counting all the Jew gold they made off of everyone. Lucky for us normal people though, the horrendously shitty "The Last Airbender" film managed to suck so bad that the ensuing protests, butthurt, and overall disgust managed to destroy, or at least diminish what was left of the already dwindling fanbase.

    Shipping Wars

    File:Artist at work by charizardag.jpg
    "Zutara" fangirls are certainly not living vicariously through their fantasy relationship! They have REAL reasons to be upset.
    Bricks were shat by Zutarian fantards.
    The sane and rational faces of the Zutarian community. THEY WILL NOT BE SILENCED!

    "Shippers", as they like to be called, are losers giving a shit about who fucks who in any given form of entertainment for lack of a love life of their own. "Avatar" shippers are especially persistent even though this is an American "kid" show and the likelihood of anyone getting fucked is zero. Over the course of the 3 long (and progressively lamer) seasons the arguments over which kid will finger bang which kid has gotten more and more intense as fans wait for the final episodes to air.

    Shippers are always:

    Now that the series is finally over and the endgame couples are set, much butthurt is to be had by everyone that was not right about their ZOMG TRUE LOVES couple of choice.


    The Abbabar fandom has developed a huge, insane shipper faction the likes of which haven't been seen since the "Harmony" incident. They call themselves "Zutarians", perhaps in reference to the planet they're from. These alien fangirls differ from their Earthly cousins in that they're rabidly obsessed with a heterosexual coupling, a rare and curious trait indeed.

    However they must share a common ancestor as the Zutarians are so insistent on a pairing that had no indication of ever happening that they fully expected the very fabric of reality to bend to their will, only to shit all over the internet when it predictably didn't, screaming and crying that the writers of the show are openly mocking them and toying with their emotions.

    Which in the end is probably close to the truth as the show's creators (apparently a two-headed manbeast collectively known as "Bryke") find this shipping business amusing as fuck and have made a national pastime of what one could call "ship baiting".

    TL;DR: Zutara is all about ANGRY DRY RAPE. That will never, ever happen. At least the dirty pics are good though, so if you must fap to this show and are not into shotacon its a good place to look for porn.

    The Spoilers That Killed Zutara

    For the lulz, whoever runs the Cadavatar mass franchising money machine decided to release a bunch of shitty books that spoiled the ending for all the fangirls who were stupid enough to buy them. This occurred before the last episodes even aired because Nickelodeon is keeping them locked in a vault until enough fantards waste their allowance or McDonald's paychecks on DVDs and poorly made plushies for their liking.

    Where most fantards would be upset with learning how the ultimate bad guys are defeated our visitors from the distant stars are upset that two characters who quite blatantly like other people aren't going to fuck like dirty monkeys during the final episode, blaming this on the writers mocking them, writing their story wrong, sucking at romance writing, and the show not being made in Japan. This also hasn't stopped the Zutarians from penning lengthy essays about how the book is a fake, an elaborate hoax cooked up by those vile "Kataangers" in the next star system, or that it was intentionally released early and meant to trick the audience of their finances until the actual finale airs.


    All over DeviantART and LiveJournal socially awkward fangirls with very empty lives erupted in a maelstrom of fan whining. The Zutarians were full of drama because most of them are privileged America children and have never encountered any real suffering in their entire lives, and full of batshit paranoia because they take everything the creators of the show say personally. The Kataangers meanwhile were off squawking and gloating on their own LiveJournals until their parents force fed them some Ritalin so they could get some goddamn sleep.


    The opposite of Zutarians, anyone who identifies by this term can be assumed to be a complete retard who also spends way too much time and effort on insignificant shit that doesn't matter. Just as insane as any other Avatard shipper they are easily distinguished by their squishy prepubescent ideals on "ZOMG LUV" and "ZOMG DESTINY." These are the fat girls you see walking the halls of high school with "BELIEBER<3" scrawled on their notebooks as they skip to class. "Kataangers" feel the need to compile evidence of the retarded Y7 relationship of hugs already blatantly developing within the show's canon and spend most of their time arguing with Zutarians and generally being annoying 13 year old girls. Kataangers would get along delightfully with pedophiles if they weren't so busy screen capping retarded hugs, because Aang is a shota and yet still manages to somehow gets him some. Even though all shipper are fucktards with no life, now that Katara and Aang's fuck fest is cannon, they cant help but run around the internet yelling how they won like they are expecting a fucking prize for being able to notice the obvious facts.

    While Zutara and other popular ships have at least a good quantity of fap-worthy porn, its pretty rare to find anything of note concerning Aang sticking it to Katara. Possible reasons are any artist over 12 that would otherwise be drawing piles of porn of this show does not want to be labeled a pedophile. And the thought of a 12 year old boy wanting some poon (outside of the art on /b/ or /ss/) or even being able to pull it off is hard to buy. If Aaang was real he would be doing what every other 12 year old boy is doing: fapping to cleavage shots on Google and playing the Pokemans. Arrow boy and Brown girl fucking is cannon, but damn it sure makes you feel pedo...unless you are Shota Cat and totally into tiny cocks.

    As seen in the show's sequel, this ship is canon. This does not, however, mean that its fans are not still retarded.

    tl;dr if you went "heeheehee" or "baaaaaw" about anybody making out in this show you are a moron.

    And Now, We Spit Upon You

    So the finale aired and surprise, surprise, all that had been foretold in the books of dark prophecy were true. Katara predictably hooked up with Aang and they shared a chaste closed mouth kiss and we could all forget this nightmare of fantardism ever fucking happened.

    Or so we thought.

    But the fandom inexplicably refuses to die, as though their sheer demented will can change the course of history for their own pleasure so they can continue dwelling in their basements living vicariously through the fictional relationship of two fictional children. This proved considerably lulzy enough to make the creators of the show come out at Comic Con '08 and turn a shitload of crappy Avatar fanart into a short film that not just reaffirmed that all of the weird, delusional ships were wrong, but mocked them thoroughly, which (accompanied by an affirmation that there would never be a Season 4 and thus no second chance for the fantarded shipdoms) was viewed by the Zutarans as a gigantic insult and by the sane world as the biggest and most efficient professional troll since Japan Time. Also, puppets.

    Quotes From the Show Creators

    Yes, Aang does in fact have an arrow tattoo on his cock as well.



    —The duo telling us shit we already knew

    Sorry to disappoint the "Zutara" fans out there, but we never intended for Zuko and Katara to get together.



    —Oh shit, I guess they were openly mocking you

    Come on, kids! "Zutara" never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing.



    —The quote Zutarians are most bitter about, they reacted to being called "kids" by behaving like tantrum throwing 3 year olds

    Our inspiration came mainly from great anime like Hayao Miyazaki and Boku no Pico.



    —No shit

    We hate our fanbase....really, just go away.



    —Brian and Mike say it like it is at 2008 Comic Con

    The Great Movie Controversy


    The series was adapted for Hollywood by director M Night Shyamalamadingdong, the genius responsible for masterpieces such as "The Happening" and "The Lady in The Water". He also directed the "The Sixth Sense" but he stole the idea from some Nickelodeon show.

    When news of who's casted reached the Avatar fanbase, a shitstorm blew over as the cast consisted of mainly white actors and Disney whore Jesse McCartney. However despite Jesse's shitty music tour getting in the way of his true destiny, Shyamalan suddenly got a boner for the kid in Slumdog Millionaire and cast Developer Patel for the role instead. This made the fandom rage even more and claim the movie features white people leading Azns in roles meant for Azns, and the main villain is foreign. This news resulted in a shitty letter writing campaign which failed when it got to the studios as they were sent back to sender.

    Those Avatards not screaming "Damedesuyo!" about the casting are still very butthurt. Most fans of the show's lightheartedness and whimsy feel that Shamwow has instead gone in the ill-advised direction of serious business. Quick to notice in trailers Katara's persistently weepy eyes, Aang's total inability to smile, and Sokka having never farted once during either domestic or international trailers. The fandoms response? THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!.

    The movie is arguably the worst shit ever.

    M. Nite Shymasiasdfhasdifh managed to rape the plot by removing most of the important characters, including the Kyoshi warriors. That Indian guy has said in interviews that this was because he liked them too fucking much and filmed way too many scenes about them. So, of course, the only logical thing to do was completely remove them from the movie. Many Suki/Sokka shippers nerd raged as he only got a piece of ass from Yue in this movie. The bending was no more than a series of Bollywood dance moves.

    Even if someone decided to walk into the movie having no idea of the original series whatsoever, they would still be entirely disappointed. The actors all have about as much acting talent as your average no-name drama major looking to "make it big" in Hollywood. While the carefree monk is off doing his best Keanu Reeves impression, the other two main actors seem like they are on the verge of tears. Critics agree that it is one of the worst movies of all time. Hell, Roger Ebert didn't even give the movie one star. Fucking Twilight got two stars, confirming that there was a fundamental misunderstanding of how to make a movie.

    Avatar Fantards provide 96% of the world's butthurt

    What the Critics Had to Say

    The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.


    —Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

    Unspeakably bad dialogue delivered by excruciatingly bad actors in a plot so illogical and stupid it kills unicorns.


    —Marc Fennell, Channel 10 Australia

    A movie that's as thick as the earth, as enraging as fire, and about as watery and windy as a giant cinematic wet fart.


    —Matt Risley, Sky Movies

    A boring, nauseating blockbuster filled with poor editing, painfully wooden acting, unrelenting dullness, and unimpressive special effects. It's so bad that it's gone past good and back to bad again.


    —Avi Offer, NYC Movie Guru

    "Battlefield Earth" has a new rival for the title of "worst-film-of-the-last-20-years."


    —Cole Smithey, ColeSmithey.com

    Shyamalan wanted to leave us shaking our heads and marveling at a terribleness that was not merely terrible, but a terribleness that leaves you astonished at just how very, very terrible it is.


    —MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher

    Stilted dialogue, wooden acting, glacial pacing, cheesy special effects, tacky-looking sets, ugly costumes, poorly staged and edited action sequences, all shown in murky, cut-rate 3-D.


    —Lou Lumenick, New York Post

    It is so bad that not only could Uwe Boll make a better movie than Shyamalan has done here, he already has.


    —Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic.com

    This colossal folly, the fiasco of the summer of 2010 — gives us all a ringside seat at the sight of Mr. “I See Dead People’s” career gurgling down the drain.


    —Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel

    Let's just be honest: M. Night Shyamalan is an idiot.


    —Matt Pais, Metromix.com

    The Last Airbender is a joyless, soulless, muddled mess, but the worst part of all doesn't come until the very end. That's when it makes the clear suggestion that two more such movies are in store for us.


    —Christy Lemire, Associated Press

    Sadly, it seems that Shyamalan is channeling George Lucas et al from The Phantom Menace... and said, 'Hey, let's do that with this movie!'


    —Kevin Carr, 7M Pictures

    Airbender’s final insult is the unmistakable stench of a sequel that’s left to linger in its wake.


    —Adam Woodward, Little White Lies

    The Promise TLDR

    Apparently the new show wasn't enough for the extra cash and Nickelodeon is too fucking cheap to produce a bunch of special episodes when a few mango strips can save them a couple of bucks. Dark Horse serialized a hastily made cash-in set in-between the two shows which is well-written and very engaging. It is drawn and written by some Azn.

    Up yours, Lucas! (And Jackie Diaz)


    Aang and his merry band try to evacuate the Japs who still live in Not-Europe with shiny propaganda despite the war is over. It fails.


    The comic starts with Aang and the rest talking to the Earth King about how HARMONY needs to be restored in the world with peace and love and decide that all the Fire Nation colonies with Japs still living in them need to be removed in order for everyone to be happy. Everyone except them Japs of course, but who cares about their opinion since they made everyone miserable for over 100 years? They all go to see a bunch of fireworks and celebrations and in the mist of it all Zuko makes Aang promise to kill him if he became exactly like his daddy. Leave it to an emo to ruin the festivities. Cut to one year later, Zuko gets almost assassinated for the penultimate time and fights a chick, whom he spares.

    He then sends the assassin back to her parents, who basically call him a TRAITOR for not giving a fuck about what his subjects have to say. Zuko then calls off all arrangements to move all of the invaders out and Aang gets pretty pissed off about it. A bunch of powerless people led by a she-male and a guy who doesn't talk alot also get pissed off about Zuko's decision and after Aang had a lengthy discussion with him off-screen, they decided to give them 3 days to make the arsonists leave peacefully before they curbstomped every single one of them out of the city. Zuko then hires better bodyguards but still has trouble sleeping. He then goes to see his father and asks him for some royal advice, rather than Iroh or read through his great-grandfather's livejournal once moar. A treacherous little shit until the very end.

    Part 2: Rival Schools Electric Boogaloo

    We're supposed to give a fuck about what could happen to Zuko and whether Aang will value their friendship moar than doing the world a favor and killing this sack of fail (despite bawwing about whether to kill Ozai or not for half of the third season) but that's kinda pointless since we already know that Zuko survives and sires at least one spawn thanks to the online game found on Nick.com way before this was even slightly mentioned in TLoK.

    Fuck that noise though, it's time for wacky shenanigans! Toph tries to teach metalbending to some under-qualified students, but there is a rival coalbending school which the wussy students have to fight against to regain their training premise. Toph wins her school back by having her students forcing the coalbending teacher to sit. With a bunch of coin tosses. Srsly.

    Also the Earth King finally grows some balls and sends a fleet of ships in order to give Zuko an ultimatum.


    Well what do you know it, the Harmony Restoration Movement failed! What a surprise!

    The final comic starts with Zuko having a wet dream which doesn't involve his mom's tits or a good old family orgy. Instead, he's angsting with great character development about what he has to do now that he's got something evil called responsibility to deal with in his life. Aang shows up in the dream to kill him (what's up with the sudden bloodlust kid?) with Ozai and Roku's manipulative asses bitching and moaning about who's got the biggest dick when it comes to power struggles. Right when Aang was about to kill Zuko, both wake up. Sheeeeeet.

    After waking up, Aang tries to warn the citizens to escape, but gets almost axed in the process. Sneers, rather than stick to his principles and keep fighting against the Fire Nation, decided to ditch the whole Freedom Figther shtick in order to get some sassy mixed-blood poon. Good for him. Later, Aang's Fan Club- yes, just roll with it, decide to become the Avatar world's first Air Nomad cosplayers, which makes Aang rightfully pissed.

    We go back to Zuko and see him mumble his thoughts towards a portrait of Iroh, making the reader believe that somehow Iroh died during the one year vacation he took ever since the main series ended. He shows up at the end of the comic, very much alive. So... ha ha? Everyone has their separate angst scene and before Katara can tell Aang that keeping the nations separate may not be such a good idea, because if they do they couldn't get marr-


    Everyone fights and kills a few of each other's side before skipping all of the filler bla bla bullshit and getting the message into their thick inbendingbred skulls. Ever since the 100-year War ended, a part of the Avatar world became multicultural, so keeping Yu Dao separated bending-wise would be like having the Brits nowadays chuck everyone who's not English out of London. Not that they'd need a pesky excuse like war to do that if they could. Things go back to norm, everyone's happy yada yada.

    Well not everyone. Avatar Roku got the end of the stick for being such a goddamned lying cunt and Aang cut him off from the spiritual intercom until he also bit the dust.

    Now that's a happy ending.

    The Search

    Amazingly enough, some fantards still give a shit about the "Where's Zuko's Mom?" subplot despite the fact that the planned episode for it got cancelled more the four years ago because Zuko already had a full episode centered around him. Bryke suddenly smelt that a few moar $$ can be whisked away from these poor saps and rightfully so. Why should Zuko of all characters get not one, but TWO episodes centered around his boring emo ass you goddamned fangirls? Ever heard of fanficton or moving on with your fucking lives?

    This will probably result in the fantards whining about how the offical story didn't match their crappy headcanon theory because why ask for answers if you're gonna bitch and moan about them when you'll receive them, especially if they don't suck? *It's like these bitches live to complain.

    -After the comic was released, the bitches complained. Bitch bitch bitch. That's all they're good at anyway.

    Part 1: Who's your daddy?

    Apparently Bryke actually tried to put some effort into this comic despite the fact that the fangirls will complain about the storyline even if William Shakespeare himself rose from the grave to pen the script. Whatever. Turns out that Ursa was young once and had a lover boy before Azulon and the Joker found her location through her Facebook account. Despite already accepting her boyfriend's proposal, Ursa accepted Ozai's straight away because she couldn't resist the bling. Oh and something to do with HONOURRR too. Bitch.

    Cut to present day. A boring lecture not involving secret handjobs later, Zuko goes to talk to Azula. Still crazy, still locked up. She and Ozai have a private talk which probably involved spoilers, because Azula found her mother's secret love letters stashed up alongside her 'research' involving opera porn and Fifty Shades of whatever fanfiction. After convincing Zuko to tag her along, the Gaang reunited in order to go to look for Zuko's mommy (with the exception of Toph, thus sparing us from dealing with the boring pipebending academy plotshit again) whilst keeping an eye on Azula. Some wolf spirit shows up but we know too little about it to give a shit at this point.

    Heads up if it's Ursa's ex, even a 5 year old could see that twist coming.

    Later that day, much much later, Zuzu steals one of the letter's Azula kept on her, amazingly without waking her up. IKR?

    It turns out that Zuko might be a bastard child. Or, in case Bryke felt merciful, Azula turned out was the bastard child. Hey, like that they wouldn't need to resort killing her in order for Zuko to become Fire Lord. Besides we know he does anyway, just not how. At least Azula wouldn't need to go through the 'death to gain redemption' cliche like that either.

    Will Zuzu know how to deal with family ties? Will Azula get crazzier than ever? How will this storyline go on without it becoming 'Days of Our Lives' all over again?

    Tune in next time! Same Aang channel, same Aang hour!

    Really Old Avatar Shit

    The Avatar Podcast

    How would you like to sit for about 30 minutes on average and listen to some creepy internet nerds analyze a children's show to the every last retarded detail? Look no further than From the Spirit World: The legendary podcast!

    The podcast is hosted by some guy named Dylan and a wide selection of guests who vary in their levels of suck any given week. While the co-hosts and subject matter may change every show, the one thing that does remain constant is that it always blows giant Appa cock and offers nothing of value or interest. It's basically just a bunch of basement dwellers talking about an episode and over-analyzing the FUCK out of it to the degree most nerds would reserve for End of Evangelion. The only problem is this is a kids show on Nick, and thus there is nothing to think about. Also let's not forget the creepy geek wheeze-laughs Dylan sputters every few minutes when something "witty" is said, or when one can literally hear him popping a boner over Aang shota pics. Below is a 100% accurate rendition of the podcast:

    Listening to this podcast for the full half hour will make you want to kill yourself for failing so hard at life that you loved a children's cartoon enough to listen to idiots converse about how "Sokka's making a joke because he's emo for his daddy" or "Zuko loves it up the butt because we saw him bend over 4 times this episode."

    The Great Sifu Kisu Drama of 2008

    According to the internet, Last Thursday, a member of CAPSLOCK_ATLA aka a LJ site for lulz and porn (lacking that all right now though) wrote some sexy fanfiction involving Sifu Kisu and other members of the Avatar staff for laughs. While surfing around the internet one day, Sifu Kisu happened to find that shit and freaked out the only way that would get results...he posted a giant WTF about it in his MySpace blog. Drama and lulz ensued and the end result was him calling them a bunch of weird internet kids, and the journal members shooping the hell out of his photos and making him an Avatar meme of sorts. They also made sure to post his name a million times in each journal entry on the blog so that the internet search engines could find him better.

    What kind of sicko kids on the internet would write gay fanfiction about me and Bryke?!



    — Sifu Kisu- thinkin' 'bout doin' sumpin'

    How I Became Yours TLDR

    How I Became Yours is a 216 page Avatar: The Last Airbender fancomic. Created by the tartlet File:Deviantart-favicon.png waterbender196 (IRL name Jackie Diaz), it uses incredibly well-drawn art and completely accurate character interpretation to tell the story of what happened after the show's ending.


    This is probably the biggest piece of shit fancomic I've ever seen, bar none. From the clearly traced poses and faces, to the idiotic shipping, to the wildly misspelled and nonsensical dialogue, to the totally out-of-place Western clothing and settings, to the complete and total lack of any kind of consistent characterization, it hits pretty much every level of badness the fandom has to offer.


    — the poor sap who cataloged the entire series before waterbender196 baleeted it.

    Chapter 1: Life in what is totally the Earth Kingdom why do you ask?

    Mai might have put the country in DANDER, but at least she isn't a CHARD MONSTER!!!

    The comic opens with Katara infodumping the audience about how beautiful the Earth Kingdom is. Then she cries for some reason. Toph runs into her bedroom to comfort her with some hot lesbian sex and tells the audience that it's "the anniversary" (straight-up stealing dialogue from Iroh and Zuko's conversation in the first episode of season two of the actual show). They walk to a memorial marker and we find out that it's actually the grave of Katara's aborted baby Kuzon.

    We then flash back to three years in the past where we see a super-preggers Katara with a fish-lipped Sokka pressing his face against her stomach. Katara punches him in the dick and sends him into the kitchen to make her a sandwich.

    At that very moment, far away, Fire Lord Zuko is angsting into the sunset about his inability to type out the word "you" instead of just using "u" all the time. Oh, and we also find out that Zuko is Katara's aborted baby daddy.

    Three years in the future, Iroh busts down Zuko's door despite the sock over the doorknob and tells him that he must look inside himself to save himself because only then will his true self reveal itself. Oh, and that Katara was going to have his baby and name it something completely retarded but then it died. And now Zuko's real wife, Mai, is pissed.

    Also, Toph has a massive rock-boner for Aang.

    Back to Zuko, he and Mai have a fight where he keeps his pimp hand strong and she calls him a CHARD MONSTER and he calls her a TRATIOR and basically their marriage is so over.

    Chapter Two: Europe and Dead Babies

    Insert your favorite dead baby joke here.

    This chapter begins with preggers!Katara hanging around being fat when a servant brings her moar food. Katara starts shoving everything she can grab into her fat face when suddenly HOLY SHIT THE APPLE WAS POISONED, TIME FOR A MISCARRIAGE!

    The remaining audience still reading this shit is then rocketed BACK TO THE FUTURE when Katara wakes up from this memory/nightmare and we get three pages of the exact same panel of her crying copypasted over and over and over again, interspersed with panels of her having sex with Zuko.

    Meanwhile, Sokka is wandering aimlessly minding his own damn business when he *hears woman grunting and whine in pain* and yes that is the exact "sound effect" used for this scene. Turns out its some ninja chick who done got herself stabbed so Sokka resists the temptation to stick his dick in the wound and instead carries her back to Toph's house.

    Aang has a brief conversation with a tattooless clone of himself. Turns out Toph makes his panties wet, who knew.

    Then Zuko shocks the entire Fire Nation by wearing his hair down so that Katara will recognize him when he goes back to see her. Uh, pretty sure you've already got a distinctive scar there, Zuko. You'd need some serious plastic surgery before anyone could mistake you for someone else.

    While Zuko's getting some fabulous styling advice from his uncle, Katara's having a ball in 18th century Europe to celebrate her birthday. Every minor Avatar character gets their own OOC cameo and is quickly forgotten. Then Aang shows up and Toph cums everywhere. Then Zuko shows up with his hair in a topknot, completely negating the "I will wear my hair down and blow everyone's minds" scene earlier. We are treated to a sloooooooooow moooooooooootion scene of Zuko and Katara running towards each other across a ballroom full of photos of European royalty. They do it right there on the dance floor. Afterwards Katara informs Zuko that whoops his baby is dead and it died on the day before her birthday, HOW TRAGICALLY CONVENIENT!

    Chapter Three: A Whore's Redemption

    The turtleducks blend seamlessly into the rest of the image.
    Zuko's tattoo. Do not adjust your monitor.

    This entire chapter is basically just Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" with stupid names.

    Ninja bitch wakes up and is revealed as PRINCESS AZULA OH SHIT! Except she has ~*~amnesia~*~ and thus no memory of who she is. Instead of doing what any sane young man would do and exploiting this fact in order to finally get laid, Sokka attacks her, proving once and for all that he is gay. Azula runs dramatically through a field but is unable to escape her European garb.

    Then she stops to feed some hilariously Photoshopped turtleducks.

    Katara catches up with Azula and they have a nice long chat.

    Meanwhile, Toph explains to Iroh, Aang, and Zuko that Azula is back. They promptly flip the fuck out but are placated by the reminder that this means there will be an additional vagina around, bringing the male/female ratio that much closer to 1:1.

    Azula steals Belle's outfit and starts communing with the animals and shit. She also has nightmares about losing her mother, being consumed by blue flames, and missing out on the latest Evanescence concert. To comfort her, Toph and Katara braid her hair and have naked pillow fights. Sokka reads poetry to her.

    A few days later, Azula is hiding in a tree spying on Sokka when the tree branch breaks and they immediately fall into the sex position. Since Sokka is gay, Azula has no choice but to rape him.

    Katara and Zuko have sex and it is revealed that Zuko got a really blurry tattoo to prove his love for her.

    After sexytimes, Katara and Azula braid each other's hair and giggle for five pages. Every panel is copy and paste.

    Then Azula runs through a fucking rainstorm with Sokka and makes out with him under a tree. Tragically, no lightning bolt strikes them both dead.

    Chapter Four: Mai reacts to the goings-on in a completely rational manner and gets killed for her troubles. SPOILER ALERT!

    Katara is a good person.

    So apparently Mai has an older brother named Sho who is a trained assassin and a clone of someone from the Bleach universe. Whatever. Mai explains to Bleachy that she won't be happy until she sees Katara's head ROT ON A SPIKE! Shit just got real, yo.

    Azula gets her memories back and cries over what a terrible person she was. Sokka swallows his gay pride and comforts her with sex.

    Aang asks Toph to be his wife using a betrothal necklace, despite the fact that betrothal necklaces are a Water Tribe tradition, not Earth Kingdom. Instead of earthbending him to his knees so he can suck her dick in penance, Toph accepts his proposal.

    Toph announces her engagement to Katara and Azula. They promptly squeal like High School Musical fans and have a tea party in celebration.

    Aang announces his engagement to Sokka and Zuko, resulting in the most obviously copypasted page in the entire epic.

    But all is not well in 18th-century Europe! We cut to Mai, who is plotting in gawffick darkness to visit the Earth Kingdom with her throwing knives coated in POISON. GASP.

    Zuko broods into the twilight while Aang and Toph have sex.

    The next day, Azula and Zuko and Iroh have a touching family reunion and are joined by Ursa, who apparently shops at the same mall as Mai.

    Speaking of Mai, she shows up in Katara's bedroom and complains that Zuko never bought her flowers! Oh, and she confesses to being the one who poisoned the apple that caused Katara's miscarriage. Whoops. Katara cartwheels her way through a fight scene with Mai.

    Toph and Ursa (who can apparently blend blue fire now, the hell?) rush to Katara's aid. Sokka is accosted by some mysterious assassin dude traced from a Bleach manga. Katara appears at the scene of Sokka's fight and starts waterbending Bleach-guy. Then Azula shows up and angsts for a bit about how her favorite fuckbuddy is in danger. She attempts to lightningbend at Bleach-guy but OH SHIT KNIFE IN TITS!

    Yep, Mai's killed Azula, and Toph and Ursa finally arrive on the scene.

    And then, in this comic's crowning moment of glory, Katara bloodbends Mai to death. IN THE FUCKING DAYTIME. Not even Tarrlok was this bad, woman.

    Chapter Five: Epilogue


    Five years in the future, everyone is happy. Azula is Yue for some reason, no one ever talks about anything that happened in the five years previous, and all of the characters have offspring, and all of the offspring have the exact same face.

    Tracing, Mary Sues, and DRAMA

    Zuko and Sokka are the exact same person, while Aang has a high center of gravity.
    Screenshot? What screenshot?

    Despite having no artistic ability, Ms. Diaz managed to produce over 200 pages of Zutara fantasy. How did she manage such a feat? Why, by referencing screencaps from Avatar and sundry other shows and movies, of course!

    Other TARTlets called her on her shit, but she denied accusations of tracing even when overlays of her comic panels and screencaps of the show matched up line for line. She was eventually banned from deviantART after enough people reported it. This marks the first instance that devianTART has ever taken action against tracing, and it will probably be the last.

    Ms. Diaz also ignored the show's established setting in favor of her own, and made up her own character interpretations as well:

    • Azula went from being a fearsome, psychotic killer to a tearful amnesiac who falls for Sokka. Oh, and at the end she becomes some kind of lobotomized reincarnation of Yue.
    • Mai, formerly a sympathetic girlfriend to Zuko, becomes a shrew who sends Katara a poisoned fruitbasket to make her miscarry Zuko's baby. (But it's okay, because Katara gets her back by bloodbending her to death.)
    • Toph goes from being a badass action girl to being a simpering nitwit concerned only with whether or not Aang thinks she's pretty.
    • Zuko has sex with Katara despite his marriage to Mai, then beats Mai when she complains.
    • Katara gets knocked up with Zuko's baby, then miscarries, then bloodbends Mai to death (during the daytime, wtf?), then reunites with Zuko and gets knocked up with even more of his babies.
    • Aang exists to be rotated at odd angles and have painful expressions on his face. Oh, and to hook up with Toph.
    • Sokka is just Zuko recolored and flipped. He brings Azula back to life by being really sad about her death.
    • Suki does not exist, although her character design was traced and used as a Fire Nation servant.

    The Sequel

    It came and went. Nobody gave a shit about it since it basically was a fanfic of a crappy fanfic rather than the incredibly stupid OOC butchering of a bunch of fictional characters and plot for the sake of shipping preferences. The link for the sake of reference.

    Also **cough cough** The Legend of Korra **cough** Let's wait until Korra finds herself inexplicably attracted to Ichigo in How I Became Yours Part Deuce. WAX THAT ASS!



    You there! CAP THAT SHIT!

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    See Also

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