⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Anna Nicole Smith

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search
    Any child that slammed out of her puss (which, by the way, you can't see -this is a shit photograph) would have been fucking lucky to have those huge child bearing hips easing their passage.
    File:Anna-nicole-smith-clown.jpg
    She would make John Wayne Gacy proud.
    File:Anna-nicole-smith-dead-vomit.jpg
    Time to practice necrophilia.

    With an I.Q. lower than the worms which are now devouring her, the voice of a mentally handicapped southerner and the weight of a blue whale, party girl Anna Nicole Smith was a leading figure on the mad Trimspa-consuming faux-bulimic attention whore scene due to her attention-whoring obesity, inspiring a generation of plus-sized girls to never stop eating, and their boyfriends to never stop cheating on them.

    She is best known for showing up to award ceremonies uninvited and gobbling down the red carpet like a fruit roll-up. Additionally, she was the frumpy, deranged star of her own reality show on the E! network, and was murdered last Thursday (literally) in a Florida hotel for introducing the world to the fucking disastrous mess of a queen, Ms. Bobby Trendy.

    The Discovery of the Body

    The original discovery was made by the late night radio personality and old horny dude, Howard Stern. Stern was strolling along the beach and romancing a couple of his stripper friends when he came across the body.

    Mistaking Anna Nicole Smith for a whale, he immediately phoned wildlife authorities and a veterinarian. Wildlife experts and a small squad of law enforcement quickly arrived. Police soon found Anna Nicole's purse in close proximity to the corpse, which allowed them to identify the body.

    A crane was brought in to move the over 9,000 pounds of rotting flesh to a nearby hospital. After DNA testing, it was revealed that the pile of blubber was an actual sperm whale and not the sperm-eating whale, Anna Nicole Smith. It would later be confirmed that Anna Nicole's real body was not the whale, but the beach on which it was found. Howard Stern noted that he was not sorry for walking on her because "fatties are not people."

    When the FOX Jews Network found out about her death, Jews across the nation began flooding the mainstream media with her ugly face, prompting many to vomit. Police are still searching frantically for the murderer to give him a medal.

    I.Q. Test Score

    In high school, Anna scored 65 on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (WAIS) standardized I.Q. test, making her slightly retarded. An Intelligence Quotient of 100 is average. Below 80 is borderline mentally retarded, below 70 is mildly mentally retarded. Below 50 is moderately mentally retarded, below 30 is severely mentally retarded, below 20 is a wheelchair retard. But the worst kind of retarted is you.

    Vickie Lynn Hogan

    Born Vickie Lynn Hogan, older sister of Hulk Hogan, in the dimly-lit confines of a Depression-era trailer, Anna sucked and danced her way into Playboy, where she appeared as part of Hugh Hefner’s campaign to make the magazine “more ironic”.

    As is typical, straight males the world over failed to grasp the joke, and proceeded to fap to the further enrichment of Hugh Hefner. As her unintended stardom grew, so did her weight, and she proceeded to inhale most of the Playboy Mansion, damaging many of Mr. Hefner’s most exploitable underage blondes.

    Anna Did Not Marry Her Husband for His Money

    During the brief period while the Fates still permitted Anna to make a brutal, unceasing mockery of the American DreamTM, she married an ancient, decrepit rich man, who mercifully fell to sleep most nights before consummating sex with the whalish-proportioned Anna.

    After years of staring into the white, mangled pubic bush of her husband, the rightly-revolted Anna cut his life short through a combination of cocaine, a bimbo named Jane, and asphyxiation.

    When the will revealed that much of the fortune was to go to Ms. Nicole, the old coot’s offspring cried foul; all the while Anna, her cunt fairly dripping with falsehood, denied the very notion of marrying the old fuck for his money.

    Note that she was NOT merely doing it for the lulz.

    Anna's Career as a Television Failure

    Anna Nicole Show.jpg

    When E! first announced The Anna Nicole Show, many people wondered why the fuck overweight, drug-addled, gold-digging, gerontophile Anna Nicole Smith was TV worthy. The idea resulted from a meeting of E! Entertainment executives to discuss expanding their market by creating a popular show along the line of The Osbournes, except that being a third rate network that noone watches, they couldn't afford Britney Spears. Washed-up drug-addled playmates are almost as good as washed-up drug-addled rock stars. Right?

    After a long planning session involving hookers and blow, a junior executive with a thing for fat chicks and a secret stash of unbirthing porn suggested Anna Nicole. He now works as assistant manager at a Walmart in Albuquerque.

    After limping through thirteen excruciatingly shitty episodes, the show was canceled due to Anna's addiction to an alphabet soup of painkillers, alcohol and uppers - which bizarrely caused her to gain so much weight that her whole body could not be contained in one frame.

    E!'s fans desperately pleaded with the executives to remove the show, because they thought Anna was too fat for TV. However, they were proven wrong, as Anna was ultimately discovered to be too fat for life.

    The Unholy Genetic Curse

    Unbeknownst to Anna, her genes were cursed by the Outer Gods, and she and all she loved were, and are, doomed to tragic ends:

    • Her husband, as noted above.
    • Her 20-year-old, attractive son died so that her own abomination of a daughter might possess a soul of its own, however briefly.
    • Herself, as noted in the above spoiler.
    • Her daughter, eventually, shall also perish due to the Curse. Possibly while being violated by Nigras and snorting crack.

    War Of The Whales

    In a shocking turn of events, Anna's fate was foreseen on the morning of her tragic death by the great white whale known only as Rosie O' Donnell. Nay-sayers believe this to be merely coincidental, but most of us are cowering in our own feces with the knowledge that such a power has been given to such a cunt of a human being mammal.

    Burial Controversy

    File:Tomb2.jpg
    If it's good enough for Jesus...

    Smith's bloated, festering corpse had remained unburied while various lawyers and Texans litigated her final resting place in Internet court.

    However, in a telephone poll of 100,000 Americans, 69% of respondents said that they believe that Anna should be buried in the recently revealed tomb of Jesus.

    It was decided that Georgie wanted to respect the wishes of his sister and lover, thus her body now rests in the Bahamas.

    Her Bastard Child

    File:Anna-nicole-smith-drugged-wedding-7.jpg
    I'd tap that! That is to say, I'd trepan both there skulls!
    File:Vos1 p12.jpg
    Artist's sketch of Anna Nicole and her son Daniel bonding.

    Anna's quick exit from the land of the living meant that her daughter, Dannielynn Hope Marshall, would be left in the hands of that creepy ass Stern. Some fag with frosted tips named Larry Birkhead came into the picture, however, and sued like a motherfucker for paternity testing, which Stern tried and tried to keep from happening.

    His tricky Jew ways did not prevail, and lo and behold, Birkhead really did knock that fat bitch up. Larry probably only gives a shit because Dannielynn is worth a metric ass load of money now, but at least he won't be starving the newborn "so she'll be sexy," as Anna did. Stern claims to care so fucking much about Dannielynn, too, so why the fuck did he let that go on?

    As it turns out, the Kato Kaelin-esque Mr. Birkhead may be arse-out of any profit if his ATM in diapers, Dannielynn, gets gypped out of Old Man Marshall's loot, since the uppity Marshall family have made it their life's work to cockblock the gold digging stripper, her consorts and/or spawn from getting a penny of her hard earned 'tips'.

    Plan B is rumored to involve eBay and John Mark Karr.

    Anna, Now Moar Popular Than Eva

    File:CryBitchnukka.jpg
    Turn on to CNN, 99% chance you'll see this. DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.

    The fucking media couldn't get enough of this dead bitch! 24 hours after her death she had already received more attention and praise than she had in her entire career. You see, the government killed this whale so the media would cover her fat ass more than Iraq or the Palestinians that were kidnapped and killed by some 42-year-old Jew. It's all a big cover up, and everyone is being lied to. It wasn't obvious when the news said they would miss her! They said she had talent! Stop beating off to a fat dead woman and get it through your head! The truth must come out!

    Aside from paranoid ramblings, the general public (especially YouTube viewers) was assaulted by endless tributes to the dead bitch. Every major network, magazine outlet and strip club was excreting hour after hour of Anna-dedicated shit. It made some contemplate quitting IRL, but the thought of encountering the beast herself in hell was enough to stop them.

    Going Out In Style: Anna Nicole's Legacy

    Goodnight, sweet Princess.

    It was revealed that Anna Nicole's last contribution to the arts and parting gift to humanity was her final role as a goofy, flatulent superhero who is part of a trio of alien babes protecting Earth.

    The 'movie' - entitled Illegal Aliens - was released direct to DVD on May 1st 2007, and it would be hard to imagine a more fitting curtain-call from the delicate 'Blowtorch in the Tornado' that was our Anna.

    The movie was released to critical reviews and death threats towards the producers for releasing such an unforgivable evil upon the world. The DVD can now be found in dollar bins and land-fills everywhere.

    Perhaps to save face, the studio that produced the movie released onto the internet a "never before seen" version of their making-of documentary. The one appearing on the DVD praised and worshiped the bitch, but the newer one shined a better light onto the whales crack-antics.

    Sum 41 hates Anna so much they wrote a 'love song' about her.


    Gallery

    Thanks For The Mammaries

    YouTube Favicon.png Banana Nicole Smith

    YouTube Favicon.png Anna's Toothless Cousin Shelly

    YouTube Favicon.png ox8asPziu-s
    YouTube Favicon.png B7jKSbVsMuM
    YouTube Favicon.png TVILZlvc-pE

    YouTube Favicon.png Anna as a Juggalo (Baleeted)

    External Links

    Portal icon whores.gif

    Anna Nicole Smith is part of a series on

    Whores

    Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.


    Anna Nicole Smith is part of a series on Dying Alone

    [DeadCry yourself to sleep]

    150px Those Who Have Died Alone

    Aaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAnna Nicole SmithAsa CoonBrian AdamsBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyGeorge SodiniGizgizHappyCabbieHarambeHeath LedgerJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKate SpadeKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShaySteve StephensTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganZhao Zewei

    Those Dying Alone

    03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAngry GrandpaAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmy SchumerAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsa CoonAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCheeyevChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868Dorian_GayDoug WalkerDragoneerDrakonDustinEmer PrevostEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGather Against FateGeorge LopezGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles Cheongicze⁴rImma-The-DeerInkBunnyJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKaBlamBandicoot64Kat DenningsKendall JennerKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLordelthibarLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackManchildrenMarblesMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMaxtaroMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMichael BattonMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMike SandyMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriOFWGKTAOnyx ForepawPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter BrightPeter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperRedheadXilamGuyRicki RavenRMG ProductionsRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSarah ButtsSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSpax3StormySuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotUrinatingTreeVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!WoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmXenuriaYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

    Their Methods

    9gagAdventure TimeAIDSAnimuArt SchoolAsperger's SyndromeAssigned Maleask.fmBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedCollectorComputer Science IIICosplayDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDeviantARTDrugsEdginessFanFictionFeminismFidget spinner The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGravity FallsGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffInfantilismInsane Clown PosseInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLegoLeague of LegendsLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/RobloxRuneScapeSecond LifeSilk Screen Goku ShirtTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSpeakoniaTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUndertaleVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube