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    Animal Dreams

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    Posted in September. They had no idea.
    Sent to Mengus to "cheer him up." I bet he was thrilled.
    File:Ad stfu.jpg
    Frustration sets in.

    File:Lj-favicon.png animal_dreams, also known as "Kelly," was a LiveJournal user who posted frequently on stupid free and brutal honesty. She founded the community File:Lj-favicon.png sf_drama for users of File:Lj-favicon.png stupid_free to violate LJ's TOS, comment whore, and post n00dz. Members of her new community licked her clit at every opportunity, inflating the normal sense of unwarranted self-importance usually observed among File:Lj-favicon.png brutal_honesty and S_F members to epic levels.

    The rumors began in August of 2007: allegedly, Kelly had slept with Mengus, a popular B_H manwhore. Users of LJ User Secrets posted repeatedly about it, trying to get to the truth of the matter while engaged in an ongoing catfight over who had the right to Mengus's dick. Kelly herself remained coy:


       
     
    I feel like I shouldn't show favoritism as a mod, but I think it goes without saying that mengus is my favorite person in any community.
     

     
     

    —Kelly, still in the honeymoon stage

    The revelation

    In October of 2007, Kelly posted to File:Lj-favicon.png brutal_honesty and File:Lj-favicon.png brutal_drama, revealing explicit details of the sordid affair in a seedy motel.


       
     
    Not ten minutes after we walk in the door, he is fucking me over the desk. He finishes in a few minutes, much to my relief -- my calves are cramping from standing on tip-toe. "Oooops" I hear him say from behind me. Apparently period sex + half-dressed sex is not a good combination. His wifebeater is soaked with blood at the bottom, and I have big bloody handprints all over my ass and the back of my shirt.
     

     
     

    —animal_dreams, whose biological functions appear to be a mystery to her

    A true gentleman, he buys her lunch at Chili's and deigns to return again two weeks later, to stick it in her pooper. Alas, true love was not to be, and Kelly watched as Mengus flirted with and fucked every bitch who shook her tail at him on LJ.

    Furious at being cast aside, she fell back on the standard psychological warfare tactic of women scorned: the pregnancy scare.


       
     
    I did get a positive urine test. Took two: one negative, one positive. But the blood test was negative.
     

     
     

    —animal_dreams, still having trouble with her organs

    Unfortunately for her, when she went weeping to Mengus about it, he laughed in her e-face and informed her that he had had a vasectomy. B_H exploded in lulz, and she deleted her account.

    Consequences? What consequences?

    Shortly afterward, she returned in order to resign as moderator of File:Lj-favicon.png sf_drama, explaining that she would now be a normal, average, totally sane community member. For the next month or so, she continued to post in B_H, S_F, and SF_D as if absolutely nothing had happened, even though everybody was far more acquainted with her sex life and bodily functions than they had ever wished to be.

    Mengus, having unwisely stuck his dick in the crazy, only made matters worse by continuing to correspond with Kelly throughout the entire ordeal. His responses to her emails and phone calls provided her with the attention she so desperately craved, as any stalking victim with half a brain could have told him, but then thinking with the brain had never been his strong suit. He even allowed her to re-friend his LJ again under a fake name so no one would know he hadn't dumped her yet. While it is doubtful that he had any plans to fuck her again, observers note that Mengus has never been able to give up attention when it's right there for the taking.

    Deletion, again

    Then, abruptly, Kelly posted a flounce in File:Lj-favicon.png deleting_my_lj and dropped out of sight once more. LJUS users celebrated with another spate of boring "what's going on?" posts.

    It turned out that Kelly, apparently, was in the process of losing her shit. Unwilling to give up her audience entirely, she started a Blogger account and then set up a syndicated feed on LiveJournal, making sure that no one would lack for information about her self-injury, her thrilling efforts to get a doctor's appointment, and her eventual semi-hospitalization.

    The final straw

    After all of this, of course, she restored her LJ account and came back as if nothing were wrong. Finally, sick of having to listen to this shit from both sides, qweerdo posted an email from Kelly to Mengus that the latter had forwarded to him:

    tl;dr: She was never pregnant, she didn't go crazy (at least not in the way she claimed), she posted all of the secrets on LJUS, and Mengus is a monster in bed. All of the people from SF_D and elsewhere who had defended Kelly and characterized Mengus as the next best thing to a rapist shut up real fast.

    Aftermath

    Kelly attempted, belatedly, to use the I did it for the lulz defense, but by that time, even the most credulous LJ user had a hard time believing her.

    I never liked any of you and I'm a huge liar, so you're the ones who should feel bad.

    Kelly deleted her LJ account for the third and probably last time, and instead turned to insulting her former friends anonymously. Mengus, finally realizing what the rest of LJ had known for at least 100 years, got a restraining order against Kelly, and everyone learned a valuable lesson about not fucking people you meet on the Internets.

    Moarknow.png

    THE RETURN

    On July 3rd, 2008, File:Lj-favicon.png corrodentia posted a link to an article about alpha males with the text "Sound like anyone you know?"

    Half the users recognized her immediately, while the other half -- having missed out on Kelly's glory days -- were left in the dark. For those who knew her, however, the inevitable IP match was entirely unnecessary.

    Some argued that this sort of thing was only encouraging this behavior, and that it's mean to pick on someone with a serious mental illness. Others who remembered the events in this article contended that all Kelly socks should be exposed as such at once, in order to prevent innocent users from being drawn into her psychotic little world.

    Meanwhile, File:Lj-favicon.png glitterglass decided to divert attention to herself by insulting a mod for her failed marriage, leading the LJ Ethics Police to conclude that dragging someone's private business into an argument for no reason is morally equivalent for exposing a vicious, manipulative liar for the dangerous bitch she is.

    See also

    External links

    File:Lj-favicon.png sf_drama

    LJ User Secrets

    NOTE: LJUS is currently down. Links to LJUS posts will remain in this article for the time being, until we figure out if it's ever coming back or not.

    Portal lj.png

    Animal Dreams is part of a series on

    LiveJournal

    Visit the LiveJournal Portal for complete coverage.

    Featured article March 2, 2008
    Preceded by
    Vandal
    Animal Dreams Succeeded by
    Philippines