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The events described in this article took place prior to the invention of colors in the 1960s. Expect all images to be presented in 50 shades of grey.
|Andrew Philip Kehoe|
|Highscore||Killed 44, injured 58|
|Top 25?||#1 Murican school attack|
|Style||Lots of it|
|An Hero?||Blew himself up|
Andrew Philip Kehoe was a true American hero who, on May 18th, 1927, bravely fought and died for the future of his country by blowing up 38 elementary school students with a fuckton of dynamite and Pyrotol that he had been systematically planting underneath the Bath Consolidated School in Bath Township, Michigan, over the course of several months.
After eliminating 38 kids, 2 teachers and his own wife, Kehoe made his last stand by blowing up his shrapnel-filled Ford Model A along with the school's superintendent, himself and two other dumb cunts who really should have been admiring Kehoe's limited edition Michael Bay Model A from a safer distance.
Lulz is made, not born.
And boom goes the dynamite!
|Kill count:||44/20 44 kills, including 38 elementary school children|
|Accuracy:||10/20 Half of his explosives failed to detonate, but that would have just been added lulz|
|Style:||20/20 Successfully planted over 500 pounds of dynamite beneath a fucking elementary school|
|Butthurt:||20/20 Still the deadliest attack on a school in Murican history|
|Bonus:||20/20 He could have sold his farm equipment to pay off his mortgage, but chose to blow up a school instead|
|Total Score: 114/100 (S and a smiley sticker for each dead teacher)|
- Suicide Bomber - Kehoe was the first.
- Charles Whitman's Tumor
- Adam Lanza
- Sandy Hook
- Elliot Rodger
- Nikolas Cruz
- Boston Marathon Bombing
- Paris shooting
- Timothy McVeigh
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen
- Stephen Paddock
- Anders Behring Breivik
- Osama bin Laden
- Adolf Hitler
- School shooting
- Epic Win
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