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    Agent Pubeit

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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    See also: Chanology Contest

    His moves are wise. His body is pubes.



    Oh, dear God no!

    Agent Pubeit (aka Mahoud Samed Almahadin, aka Matt Connor), was a brave mujahideen who valiantly martyred himself in the jihad against the scourge of Scientology by coating himself in Vaseline and pubes and touching all their stuff.

    In December of 2008, he ended the year of trolling with a loud bang dressed as Satan Claus, and then started 2009 by slathering himself with Vaseline and the shaved junk of Anonymous from far and wide. Then, looking like the world's most horrible Silent Hill monster (or Ron Jeremy), he ran wild through two New York Scientology Orgs touching everyone and everything he could before raeping a pile of Dianetics books.

    Despite Anon's current ambivalence towards Chanology, they collectively doffed their caps to this NYC Anon after catching wind of Operation: Slickpubes and the immenseness of Agent Pubeit's Colbert-like (hairless) brass balls. He is also the leading cause of sand in Magoo's vagoo and WBM's copious shit bricks.

    The Video Itself

    THIS is what Chanology should have been. Tastes great, less moralfaggotry.


    Horatio Caine is on the case.
    New at the Carnegie Deli in NYC.
    A hooligan claiming to be a member of an anti-Scientology group was arrested Wednesday for attempting to "desecrate" the Church of Scientology with a wacky weapon - Vaseline, police said.


    —NY Daily News

    After OSA got Horatio Caine to run the DNA of some of the captured pubes, Agent Pubeit was v& for terrorism and is getting comfortably prison raped in Gitmo thanks to the all-natural moisturization of Vaseline®. (By the way, it costs $15,000 each to do a DNA test on hair or toenails.)

    Anon has retained the lawfirm of Lolington & Wright to argue the case that with so many Anonymous pubes, it would be impossible to determine who actually suicide pubed the alleged 'church' of Scientlology.

    I find it hard to believe that somebody called "Mahoud Almahadin" would actually need to acquire body hair that was not his own. Motion to dismiss!


    Phoenix Wright

    In the meantime, the Final Boss of Chanology is taking up a collection of 72 virgins for this brave mujahideen martyr's afterlife.

    Shown the tapes at the Midtown North Precinct, Almahadin admitted, "Yup, that's me."

    V& and Final Solutioned

    File:Pubeit verdict.png
    The verdict: He has to stay away from Scientlolgy for 5 years. His attorney, Phoenix Wright commented: "That's a WIN/WIN I'd say. Especially for Pubeit,"

    The Series of Pubes Reacts

    When news of brave Agent Pubeit's heroic antics hit the Internets, the response was split right down the middle. After all, you're either with the cyber terrorists or you're an unfunny faggot. However, in time honoured fashion, even the epic fail that was the whining of butthurt Scilons and moralfags turned into epic win when harvested for lulz. Meanwhile, Anonymous ROFL'd like they hadn't in ages.

    I feel like an asshole because I thought anons were the answer to bringing down this pig cult. I seriously hope all anons don't condone this shit. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? How is that gonna bring down the cult? is he going to start showing up at the protests next? Will he become the new anon mascot? I'm sorry but I'm fucking pissed of. I know we have fun at the pickets but this is just not the kind of group I signed up for. Bad deal. The meaning of anon's mission got lost.



    Stop calling yourself Anonymous then. How about Moralfags? Almost forgot...you *are* an asshole.



    So the 'real Anon' act like drunk mongoloids. That's terrific. Thanks for clearing that up buddy.




    No one takes their marching orders from me(aside from perman00bs who think i'm goku)...You can one star this video, you can write a buncha nasty stuff in the comments, you can drop my dox, you can feed me to the chans...


    CrazyDelaney Good idea, lets do that.


    I'm a gay male. I didn't dig it. It's like, what, Scientologists are gay? Is "gay" the new bad word?


    notchies, Also asking for it.

    All i'm saying is please don't attack me



    You have a lot of beard that could be applied to Agent Pubeit for Round 2. Also, your boyfriend lets you suck his cock with that beard?



    You probably like linux. faggot.



    Epic manboobs
    jewtube B&s the wrong vid, original still up. LOL


    الى الجحيم مع السيونتولوجيا.

    Translation: To hell with Scientology.!


    Osama Bin Laden

    Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts. Gross scumbag perverts.


    anonymoushategroup, bawwwling that he didn't came up with it first.

    DISGUSTING. This is? typical anonymous cyberterrorism.

    Every member of anonymous should be thrown in jail for their HATE CRIMES


    —ILOVESCIENTOLOGY, who doesn't know shit about IRL trolling.


    Cyberterrorism? This is real life trolling at its finest, you dumb cunt.


    —Anon, correcting ILOVESCIENTOLOGY's error. And not realizing who Andy Kaufman is.


    MY DEAR GOD...this is so fail it has become win.


    —WOLF2009, stating the obvious.

    This is the least faggy thing to come out of Chanology.



    I'm a Moralfag and even I think this is fucking great!



    TAKE THAT, MORALFAGS. Everyone's been bawwing recently because chanology has turned into this sick little cesspool of morality and overall faggotry. THIS IS CHEMO. gg, NYanon.



    Oh God, this makes me want to get involved in Chanology again.

    It's the chemo curing Chanology.


    —seaweedprincess, Truth

    Well, it's about fucking time someone did took some tangible action against the cult of LYIN'tology


    —StoneTemp1Pilot, Also, Truth


    Remember this day.

    Hey Faggots,

    My name is Agent Pubeit, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, moralfags who spend every second of their day staging hug raids. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you been slathered with petroleum jelly and semen? I mean, I guess it's fun spreading cancer, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than getting v& for criminal trespass.

    Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I'm coated with pubic hair and toenails, and can walk around shirtless in the middle of winter. What private property have you trespassed on, other than the Scientology Center on 46th? I also have an incredibly Islamic name, and have a banging pile of Dianetics books (I just fucked it- Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

    Pic Related: It's me and my bridge publications shipment.

    The Ballad of Agent Pubeit

    Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit was very brave
    Watch ye friends and ye shall see that he will win the day
    Deep underground with stone and trains, Vaseline was applied
    We handed him pubes, so many pubes, so he may complete his guise
    The path to victory and win, paved with pubes accumulated
    from the anonymous horde they came to him, fail he could not afford
    the various pubes they stuck to him from the Vaseline he put on before

    Brave Agent Pubeit came up from underground
    Covered in Vaseline and pubes, he emerged proud
    40 degrees in the streets, the streets
    here's where we got the call,
    Agent Pubeit the brave was on his way, free of delays and stalls
    verily he traveled on his way, the brave the brave the quick
    to the Church of Scientology to tell them to suck his dick
    the many they stared afraid they were for a thing they have not seen
    slippery and covered in pubic hair was the way it had to be

    Meanwhile back at our the base the attack had already begun
    Prank calls and our various faxes would ensure the battle was won
    A dozen proud preceded him serving to distract
    Incessant and vicious our calls they were, offensive and horrible our fax

    BRAVE Agent Pubeit, he was about to arrive
    At the Church of Scientology, his target could not hide
    Touch everyone and everything once he runs inside
    Pubes on their hands as they go to grab the gross slippery pube-covered guy

    Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit ran away
    He knocked over shit and he got our pubes all over the place
    He touched three guys and they found out, how slippery one man could be
    He spread confusion and our dickhair, with his touch of Vaseline

    His mission complete it may seem, but there was more
    Three blocks away awaited another Scientology org
    The buildings two he strikes at thee, as he has once before
    The CLO headquarters did not know what they had in store

    Radioed in we attacked our target number two
    Let the enemies know that with them, Anonymous was not through
    Off the hook their phones rang as we directed our second push
    Agent Pubeit will soon come their way and deliver upon them some bush

    Brave Agent Pubeit, safely got away
    Scientology we strike at thee because you're fucking gay
    Your buildings both we hath spread, our agent covered in pubes
    Remember this day we have delivered Operation: Slickpubes.


    See Also


    Agent Pubeit is part of a series on

    Project Chanology

    Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage.

    Portal trolls.png

    Agent Pubeit is part of a series on


    Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

    Xenu homeboy.pngAgent Pubeit is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png



    DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera


    L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta


    AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerLeah ReminiEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit


    PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorNeil Gaiman's SandmanPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan

    Agent Pubeit
    is part of a series on
    Tro0 Muslims [-+]
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    Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama [-+]
    Infidels & Islamic No-Nos [-+]
    Featured article January 15, 2009
    Preceded by
    Agent Pubeit Succeeded by
    Amputee Milfs