2020 Presidential Elections
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The 2020 American Presidential Election is the latest clownshow in the cycle of American politics. While Encyclopedia Dramatica used to have an article on this drama-filled presidential race, it got lost in the turnover from our old site (.se/.rs) and thusly this article has to be created from scratch.
These are the choices for America's future leader. Not too promising are they?
- The Donald -
likely to win again, thusly pushing moar lulzy reactions from the mass media and leftists
- Bill Weld - Literally Who?
The Democrats started their 2020 campaign with over 20 different wannabe-candidates. We're listing a few here.
- Mayor Pete aka "Alfred E Neuman" - he dropped out once he realised that America had already had a first man one president ago
- Pocahontas aka Elizabeth Warren - dropped out, endorsed Gropey Joe Biden, after her drinking a beer on a livestream caused voters to become terrified that she would end up drunk on a reservation. She proved everyone wrong by proving she wasn't Native American which had the hilarious side effect of ending her campaign.
- Mike Bloomberg✡ - announced his candidacy too late in the game, spent tons of money, then suddenly dropped out. Conspiracy theorists think he was only running to steal the votes away from fellow jew Bernie Sanders.
- Andrew Yang - aka "Rich (Asian) Uncle Moneybags" and "Mack-Daddy Yang". Ran on a Universal Basic Income platform, started the "#YangGang", and then dropped out. Optics would have only got worse with everyone blaming China for biological warfare
- Tulsi Gabbard Secret Republican or Russian Asset depending on if you're right-wing or leftist - dropped out. Called out Hillary Clinton and insider politics, was poised to be a running mate with Bernie, but did the lolcow move of endorsing Biden instead.
- Bernie Sanders☭✡ - dropped out, sold out, endorsed Biden. Just like Biden they were working to promote diversity by getting two old white men to face the Republican old white man. Took thousands of small donations but realised he didn't have to return the shekels if he dropped out. NO REFUNDS LOL
This is the remaining Democrat candidate:
- Creepy Uncle Joe The 'winner' of the democratic primary by way of attrition. Rallied the democrats behind him using a combination of backstage politics, inhaling the scent from his voting bloc, and avoiding press appearances that display his growing senility. Will lose to Donald Trump if he remembers to continue campaigning.
- David Jon Sponheim - America's Third Party
- Howie Hawkins - probably the candidate for the Green Party, although the official candidate won't be chosen until July of 2020 at the 2020 Green National Convention.
- Ms. Jo Jorgenson - Libertarian Party candidate.